tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66392902024-03-14T03:21:55.165+00:00Diary of a pub quizmastersmeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.comBlogger403125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-15555136636668003772016-03-23T20:56:00.000+00:002016-03-23T20:56:35.545+00:00It's all Louis Theroux's Fault.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">A year ago today I experienced a few events
that are forever engrained in my memory. The first of which was rounding a bend
on the edge of Badger Mountain on US Highway 375, Nevada. </span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tbJFMRhbqhg/VvMAhzOxtqI/AAAAAAAAAeo/B4iZHoYwdNUrGS34ySfCFJ0fzCyakM7xQ/s1600/DSC00102.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tbJFMRhbqhg/VvMAhzOxtqI/AAAAAAAAAeo/B4iZHoYwdNUrGS34ySfCFJ0fzCyakM7xQ/s200/DSC00102.JPG" width="150" /></a><span lang="EN-GB">Up ahead, the curve of the bend revealed a
stunning vista of the Mojave Desert. Highway 375 was in front of us but going
off to the left I could see dirt roads leading into the distance snaking across
a relative flat plane between Badger Mountain and Bald Mountain on the horizon.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">It was breath-taking. The contrast of the
reddish sand with the brilliant blue sky and the sheer scale of the view had an
alien beauty I could never see in my green homeland of the UK.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Although this was my first visit it was an
area of land I felt I knew. Since my teens I’d had a mild obsession with the
area. I’d read countless books and watched dozens of documentaries but I never
dreamed of actually making this pilgrimage.</span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jDsR1DlCUX8/VvMA21mWBdI/AAAAAAAAAes/kJyp2Mr0s_8c8p8kUiQOsMe7WjiL0-bmw/s1600/DSC00079.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jDsR1DlCUX8/VvMA21mWBdI/AAAAAAAAAes/kJyp2Mr0s_8c8p8kUiQOsMe7WjiL0-bmw/s200/DSC00079.JPG" width="200" /></a><span lang="EN-GB">Highway 375 has another name. In 1996 as
part of the publicity surrounding the film ‘Independence Day’ the road was
renamed The Extra-terrestrial Highway for it is the highway that travels past
the small town of Rachel, Nevada and the infamous US Air force Base officially
called Homey Airport or Groom Lake but to which the rest of the world refers to
as ‘Area 51’.</span></div>
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I've been fascinated with the mythology of
Area 51 since watching The X-Files. A fascination sealed by Louis Theroux’s
wonderful late-90s documentary on the fringe culture surrounding ufology and
Area 51.</div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Our first stop was Mail Box Road one of the
dirt tracks trailing off to the south of Highway 375. We were disappointed, the
mailbox was long gone. As we scuffed around in the dirt we found remnants of
previous visitors. An empty bottle of Alien Lager lied on the dusty floor and
we found a Geocache signifying the remains of the mailbox.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Traditionally the mailbox was a meeting
place for ufologists visiting the area. Folklore had it that it was secretly a
box of post bound for Area 51 itself but in reality it was the mailbox of local
rancher Steve Medlin – a man so sick of his post being tampered with by alien
hunters that he finally removed it a few months before our visit. As we stood
there taking photos we had our first sign that this dusty road in the middle of
nowhere wasn't all that it seemed. A big white bus with blacked out windows
thundered down Highway 375, certainly not the type of transport local ranchers
would be using.</span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gb_Wfx-OD7g/VvMBk-7K-kI/AAAAAAAAAe8/phvN8j1WDzAk0mGyAQKzDjnBexBIK6CBQ/s1600/DSC00127.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gb_Wfx-OD7g/VvMBk-7K-kI/AAAAAAAAAe8/phvN8j1WDzAk0mGyAQKzDjnBexBIK6CBQ/s320/DSC00127.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Onwards, to the town of Rachel and another
memory forever engrained. Stepping into the small roadside waterhole known as
the Little Ale Inn. It was wonderful. A bar crammed with Alien trinkets and
merchandise. UFO photos and signatures of famous visitors adorned the wall.
Whether you believe the Area 51 mythology or not the local economy certainly
benefits. We chatted to the friendly barmaid, purchased some alien tat and sank
a few Bud Lights before we decided it was time for the big moment. It was time
to actually visit Area 51.</div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">“You guys be careful yeah?” The barmaid warned.
What, from aliens and UFOs we asked? But here her mood shifted, she became
quite serious, she explained she didn't want to see a customer of hers get in
trouble with security.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">I've lived in two different UK towns. Both
home to secretive military facilities but you can freely drive around them
without security batting an eyelid, this is where the US differs. We set off
from Rachel and headed down the aptly named Back Gate Road. After a few miles
we noticed a dust trail barrelling towards us. Emerging from the dust cloud as
we neared the back gate was a white Jeep Cheroke with two passengers who looked
like they meant business. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">The Cammo Dudes are the private security
force charged with guarding Area 51’s substantial borders. Of course, a
security guard in the UK would spend their shifts drinking copious amounts of
tea and trying to finish a daily Sudoku, not so their US counterparts. The
Cammo Dudes looked lean, mean and they were eye-balling us.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">As we passed they stared us out. “Woah,
this shit is real” noted Ian. I should tell you in life I'm quite a shy type.
My friends accompanying me on this Area 51 visit were two of the most confident
people I know, two people I've always looked up to for their ease in social
situations while I cower by the bar but right now they were nervous. Further up
Back Gate Road we travelled and soon we found ourselves approaching the
security checkpoint and guard cabin. It was surrounded by a number of CCTV
cameras all of which swivelled to monitor our approach. After over half my life
of studying the theories of Groom Lake I was finally stood at the gate to
Dreamland, and it felt amazing.</span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cG4uiJLQ9nM/VvMBiExvipI/AAAAAAAAAe0/P0VeTHRAToIsA89RGGs7m5nzqXfC48OAQ/s1600/DSC00140.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cG4uiJLQ9nM/VvMBiExvipI/AAAAAAAAAe0/P0VeTHRAToIsA89RGGs7m5nzqXfC48OAQ/s320/DSC00140.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">The problem, of course, with visiting Area
51 is that once you've stood at that back gate that’s it. You've done it. All
there is to see. The actual base is another 15 miles down the road – the road
blocked by security. But there was one final drive to make. The Back Gate may look
impressive. It has fences, cameras, security cabins and a big barrier but it
isn't the most famous Area 51 border point. Back in the car and now we were
headed away from Rachel towards Las Vegas but not before turning off the
Extraterrestrial Highway one last time and heading down Groom Lake Road.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">If you've ever seen a documentary about
Area 51 it’ll be this road you've seen. As I've said, the back gate looks more
impressive but it’s the Groom Lake Road border that film-makers concentrate on.
It was a long and bumpy drive, past a few dead cattle and the visible sensors
on the sides of the roads monitoring for approaching vehicles. Again we were
buzzed by a white Jeep – the Cammo Dudes but soon we rounded a bend in the road
and ahead was the landscape I immediately recognised.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uUHHfRX1pLs/VvMBjhomVtI/AAAAAAAAAe4/AQs5TQdZM8QtYZqbbKcCB_CZyQuzLTLjw/s1600/DSC00143.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uUHHfRX1pLs/VvMBjhomVtI/AAAAAAAAAe4/AQs5TQdZM8QtYZqbbKcCB_CZyQuzLTLjw/s200/DSC00143.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">To the left a gradual rise of scrub land
dotted with sensors. To the right a more prominent rise with a dirt road and
cactus and directly ahead the front ‘gate’ to Area 51 except there is no gate.
Just two signs telling you to go no further. As we pulled up we noticed
movement to our right. A cammo dude was pulling up at the top of the rise – as
they always do in the documentaries – watching us. Wow we were getting the full
treatment. Unfortunately this unnerved my friends.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">“Shit, we’re going.”</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">But I didn't want to. My whole life I've
loved the mythology of Area 51. I couldn't come all this way, probably the only
chance I’ll ever get to soak up the atmosphere so I got out and did something
stupid, something so unlike the usually nervous me. I walked up to the line.
Right up.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">“You’re a wanker.” Was pretty much the verdict
of my friends but I’d seen the Youtube videos. Don’t mess with the Cammo Dudes,
don’t push it and they’ll leave you alone. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">I stood still, the famous Area 51 signs
right in front of me and just sav</span>oured it for a minute.</div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Half an hour later we were back at the
junction of Highway 375 and Groom Lake Road and savouring the view. Night was
falling and another memory I’ll never forget. The silence. I mean it, I’d never
heard silence so loud. No planes, no traffic no life for possibly miles around.
Eerie but beautiful at the same time. We watched dusk come and go – soon the
stars were out and with utterly zero light pollution it was the most amazing
star scape I’d ever seen. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">A moment of serenity in the Mojave Desert.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">There were a few blinking lights in the
distance over towards Groom Lake. Were they back-engineered UFOs or just base helicopters
patrolling the borders? Like much of Area 51’s mythology that is completely up
to you.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a></span></div>
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smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0Rachel, NV 89001, USA37.64472 -115.7427799999999831.4909255 -126.06992849999997 43.798514499999996 -105.41563149999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-22992465266150012772012-12-31T11:13:00.004+00:002012-12-31T11:13:51.785+00:00The Worst YearGo to Facebook. Go on. What do you see? I bet somewhere in your timeline is a post bemoaning 2012. A friend declaring their hatred of the last twelve months and happy that a new beginning is arriving with the coming of 2013.<div>
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I usually hate these posts. Time is a creation of humans to rationalise the chaos that is existence. How on Earth does changing your wall calender magically reboot your life in a positive note? Life, I've always thought, is what you make of it.</div>
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All that changed on May 3rd of this year when my workplace was seriously damaged by fire. Utterly out of my control I faced a limbo while decisions were made about how to move forward. We reopened but it was tentative steps. We were damaged and uncertainty hung over us everyday. This continued until 19th September when it was announced we were to be taken over by a national company.</div>
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I tried to stay positive. I knew I'd miss working for a family owned business but surely a national chain would bring stability and investment? Sure enough builders moved in on day one to repair the fire damage and give the building a much needed re-fresh.</div>
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Three months on and I hate it. A head office 200 or-so miles away just can't relate to our needs. Every day brings a fresh battle against red-tape and paperwork. Everything we do has to be justified to the point where it's holding us back.</div>
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The knock-on effect is evident too. Out of work I've little enthusiasm or positivity for anything right now, when I get home I just want to withdraw and spend time to myself which isn't good for my fiancee or son.</div>
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So yeah, good riddance 2012. Tomorrow I will return to work. A building that was once filled with fun and happiness but now just a shell to what was but I will return knowing only I can change things. That fresh new calendar on the wall is a line drawn under the past. A line to step over, a starting gun in the race to find happiness again. Bring on 2013.</div>
smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-51334199704126162682012-01-25T01:27:00.001+00:002012-01-25T01:28:56.641+00:00Get down Shepperton<div><b id="internal-source-marker_0.24925217754207551"><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">It’s 16.47 on a cold January night and I’m stood in America’s deep west in 1855 excitedly tweeting that I’m about to board a spaceship.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">I’ve been waiting a long time for this. Since 1998 in fact, when I last set foot onto Shepperton Studios backlot. It’s not the wild west - it’s an unknown film set on the edge of a carpark that marks the queue line for ticket-holders to the filming of Red Dwarf.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">That night in 1998 is a very happy, hazy memory now. Visiting the set of the TV series you’ve grown up loving was such a barrage to the senses that I didn’t take it in. I just gazed open-mouthed at Lister, Kryten, The Cat and Rimmer, idols all there, right infront of me. If it wasn’t for the fact the DVD of Red Dwarf VIII is on my shelf I possibly wouldn’t be able to recall much of what I saw back when I was an excited 18-year-old in a geeky Red Dwarf baseball jacket.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Flash forward to 2012 and once again I’m wearing that jacket. Unfortunately it hasn’t developed a cider & Pringles belly like I have, so it’s slightly tighter but I don’t care. I’ve promised my self I’d savour every moment this time and not just gape. But walking onto Stage K at Shepperton my mouth plunges. The sets are stunning. They are brand new of course, a completely new take on the classic Red Dwarf bunk room. No longer stark-white or ocean grey but complemented with deep earthy tones, blimey they’re gorgeous. Perfect. I catch myself, pinch myself and start breathing again as our guide for the evening, Ray Peacock, introduces himself and the crew.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">The cast step out in their new costumes. Again all new. Again so, so right. I love Red Dwarf, I’ll lap anything up if it claims to be new Red Dwarf but I’ll admit the recent Back To Earth special on Dave wasn’t quite right. Within minutes of ‘action’ being called I knew this WAS Red Dwarf. This was funny. Humour derived from the characters - the characters we’ve loved since 1988. It felt like early Red Dwarf with a long scene of dialogue between Lister & Rimmer. It could have come straight from Marooned. This is why I adore this show.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Despite being on a space ship 3 million years into the future you can connect with these characters. To me the crew of Red Dwarf have always felt much more real and raw than any incarnation of Star Trek has ever managed, and that’s a show that prides its self on exploring the human condition. The situations the Red Dwarf crew are put through might be bat-shit crazy but the characters have always remained grounded. It’s when the characters go 2-D, which happened occasionally in later series, that Red Dwarf loses its edge and goes a bit pantomime. (Lister, Kochanski & Cat Dibblying it up in Back In The Red and the whole Blue Midget/Cat dance were my personal lows....and I saw that being filmed!)</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">Through a stroke of luck I ended up seeing two episodes of Red Dwarf X that night. Episode One is very series V in feel and focuses on one character in a way we haven’t seen for a long time. It’s good, very good and the gag rate is brilliant. Meanwhile episode five feels closer to series II. Quite talky, some new character development and a revelation that made the whole audience gasp.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">The night was wonderful and the cast all on top-form. Robert Llewellyn in particular plunged himself into Kryten’s character maintaining it even when cameras weren’t rolling. Peacock was a fantastic warm up. Some great interaction with the audience - stealing guests food and teasing the floor manager. I’d happily pay to see him again, let alone see more Red Dwarf.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">All too soon the shoot ended, and we were abruptly ushered out into the real world and the glamour of a film studios left behind for the excitement of Sunbury Premier Inn.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">So yeah, that’s it. I’d love to go into detail about what I saw but Doug Naylor swore us to secrecy and as co-creator of my favourite telly the least I can do is respect that.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; "></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; ">If you’re a fan of Red Dwarf you are in for a treat when X airs on Dave in September.</span></b></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-6065286606111360552010-11-05T15:29:00.004+00:002010-11-05T15:58:38.063+00:00Listen, do you smell something?'I want to believe' proclaimed the poster that adorned Fox Mulder's office wall, and later my student bedroom. You see I'd love to believe but I'm a man of science. I need data, statistics & evidence. That's why I was a tad disappointed when I tagged along on a local ghost hunt to mark Halloween last weekend.<div><br /></div><div>There were no PKE metres, no Ecto-goggles. Just a pair of duff movement sensors and a pair of mediums. </div><div><br /></div><div>Yes, mediums. </div><div><br /></div><div>There are people out there that fully believe in psychics/mediums but it's not for me. I follow the Derren Brown view that it's all trickery & performance. Ouija boards are less likely to be a form of communication with the spirit world - more an indicator of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideomotor_effect">ideomotor effect</a> I didn't see anything that night that convinced me otherwise. The mediums put on a good show but that's all I ever felt it was.</div><div><br /></div><div>So with such a sceptical outlook why did I even bother to go? Well, skeptics aren't nessecarily non-believers. For so many reports of hauntings and spectres throughout the history of humankind there must be something in it. But what? I don't actually believe that ghosts are restless souls. Instead perhaps they're some kind of recording? Some fluke of atmospheric condition or geo-magnetics. Perhaps they're not even physical but all in the mind, triggered by something unique to the locale in which they're sighted.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway my ghosthunt last weekend proved fruitless, but it was great fun and it was amazing to gain access to historic buildings in Hereford that are usually out-of-bounds. The strange, pale, glowing monk in The Black Lion even agreed.</div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-33618437273157023712009-12-04T11:38:00.001+00:002009-12-04T11:38:15.202+00:00Out Of Date?<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/Sxj0pXaM2uI/AAAAAAAAAGU/LA_xRkTL2kU/s1600-h/image-upload-13-793896.jpg"><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/Sxj0pXaM2uI/AAAAAAAAAGU/LA_xRkTL2kU/s320/image-upload-13-793896.jpg"/></a><br /><span>Yes, I kid you not - less than one month left but 2009 calendars are still available in town!</span><br /></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-70470874958611119332009-06-16T10:45:00.002+01:002009-06-16T10:50:11.570+01:00Star Trek TraningSo I now have a 3 month old son.<br /><br />Most dad's would be starting to wonder how to share their passions with their child. For a lot fo dads this would be football. How best to ensure their son follows the 'right' team etc. Of course I'm not into football instead Science Fiction is my passion. I'd love mini-me to share that interest but how do I go about it? How do I introduce him to Star Trek. Which series do you start with and if you're starting with the original series do you show him the new film first or the old 60s stuff?<br /><br />Thankfully <a href="http://www.wired.com/">wired.com</a> has this guide to making sure your child is a Trekkie:<br /><br /><blockquote>10: Talk like William Shatner: “Hey… kids. Time… to… take out the trash.”<br />They’ll soon wonder who holds the patent on this eloquent way of speaking.<br />9:<br />Build a phaser for the school science fair: Chances are, you’ll at least be able<br />to build a phaser that works on stun. If you throw it at someone.<br />8: Play<br />“What Would Spock Do?” All kids are faced with times they have to make logical<br />decisions, make it interesting by channeling the values of everyone’s favorite<br />Vulcan.<br />7: Refer to your car as “The Enterprise NCC-1701-A” and going to<br />visit the in-laws as “going through the worm-hole to fight the Jem’Hadar.”<br />Nothing says how much you enjoy a visit to the in-laws when you liken them to a<br />violent warrior race jacked up on drugs.<br />6: Pay out allowances in<br />gold-pressed Latinum. - Considering the price of gold, this may be hard to come<br />by, but completely worth it if you can pull it off.<br />5: Call your eldest child<br />“Number 1.” On second thought, this might sound like favoritism, but follow it<br />up with “Make it so,” and to their siblings it’ll just seem like they are<br />receiving the brunt of the chores.<br />4: Make the kids drink Earl Grey tea.<br />“Because that’s what Jean-Luc drinks.”<br />3: Dress up like a Klingon and take<br />them to a Star Trek convention. Nothing tests the bonds of love more than<br />hanging out with a family member dressed like a Klingon.<br />2: After dinner<br />every night have a family discussion concerning the positives and negatives of<br />the Prime Directive. Most specifically, identify which neighbors would qualify<br />as “Pre-Warp” civilizations.<br />1: Teach them that instead of cursing when<br />frustrated or angry, yell “KHAAAAAAAN!!” Their friends may give them strange<br />looks, so teach them to clench their fists and furrow their brow to sell<br />it.<br /></blockquote>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-23571906407257434282009-06-01T18:10:00.001+01:002009-06-01T18:10:48.190+01:00It's Official<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/SiQLlzfg2HI/AAAAAAAAAF8/H0_EeS8ZOhM/s1600-h/image-upload-41-747194.jpg"><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/SiQLlzfg2HI/AAAAAAAAAF8/H0_EeS8ZOhM/s320/image-upload-41-747194.jpg"/></a><br /><span>Summer 2009 has now begun!</span><br /></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-49525836968082544302009-04-20T23:16:00.002+01:002009-04-20T23:17:34.078+01:00The Edgar Street Grind<p class="MsoNormal">18 months ago I was a huge supporter of the Edgar Street Grid project. A huge scheme to redevelop half of Hereford including a desperately needed link road, new retail centre, multi-screen cinema, affordable homes and transport hub. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>It would bring Hereford kicking and screaming into the 20<sup>th</sup> century, create jobs and aid the retention of 20-somethings that disappear off to uni and never come back.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Now though, things are different and the people behind ESG need to realise this.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Hereford is dying. Over 55 retail units in the centre of the city lie empty while those that remain are struggling. We’ve lost Chadds – our local department store – which has been replaced by a scruffy pound shop. Zavvi & Woolworths are gone. Charlotte’s Bar has locked its doors. Babyland has been aborted. Pubs are closing down, those that remain open are struggling and what was once one of the jewels of Hereford, the Leftbank Village, is lying empty and deserted.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>What is the point in redeveloping half of Hereford if the half that’s already there is already struggling? It’s the city centre that needs the TLC not the Edgar Street Grid.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Ironically it is the area that the ESG plan is hoping to rip apart that is thriving. Along Widemarsh Street not one retail unit lies empty – all are small scale local businesses and they’re all doing well. Along Canal Road a new window fitters has opened and converted what was once a rundown garage into a tidy showroom. On Blackfriars Street work continues an old Plumb Centre has been transformed into a bright purple Freedom Cult, sorry, Church. While the cattle market, an ugly blot on one of Hereford’s main roads, is home to a string of successful small businesses.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Yet this is the area of Hereford planners want to tear apart. It makes no sense. Why needlessly uproot successful local businesses?</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Hereford council, for the sake of this beautiful and historic city’s future please take a step back and reconsider where this is heading.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Right now it is the city centre that desperately needs the attention and rethinking.</o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Why not employ the talents of ESG to concentrate on High Town, Broad Street and the Commercial Road/Street area. While a new transport hub, affordable housing and multi-screen would be a great boon to the city what we don’t need right now is a big John Lewis led retail park taking attention away from the city centre. Why not bulldoze the old Chadd’s buildings and put it there instead? <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Bring the focus back to the centre, the heart of Hereford.</p>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-3162351651618943612009-04-13T12:55:00.000+01:002009-04-20T22:58:40.989+01:00Consider My Kipper Smoked<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(50, 61, 79); font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 1px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 1px; ">As you can probably tell I'm a huge Dwarf fan. I've met the cast & crew a number of times and was on set for RD VIII and, as you can imagine I was counting down the days until Back To Earth on Dave.<br /><br />Lets face facts, Red Dwarf had to evolve - it has done in the past and simply returning the show to the screens as it was in 1999 would be a mistake. (And while I'll happily defend VIII to its detractors it definitely wasn't Dwarf at its best)<br /><br />TV has changed hugely since RD was last around. It was once the only science fiction being produced for UK TV but thanks to Dr Who's return Sci-Fi is now king again. Also shows are now expected to have involving characters with engrossing arcs - think Lost, Heroes, Life On Mars & Who<br /><br />A new Dwarf needed to entice a whole new generation of fans just as Who has done and I think that's why we saw the Dwarf we got this weekend.<br /><br />The characters & plot had more emotion, there was more of an element of drama than in the old gag-a-minute Red Dwarf. Look at the superb scene of Lister visiting Kochanski's grave. Very, very touching and an great echo of the more emotional character based moments of Series I & II of Dwarf. (Think of the old scenes in the Observation Dome) In fact I think what we saw last weekend was what RD would have become if series I & II had evolved naturally rather than the shake up of series III that we did get.<br /><br />I loved it.<br /><br />Yes it was lacking in gags but the sheer joy of seeing these characters live again was brilliant. Yes there were some cringy moments; Kryten's entry and Rimmer humping the table but there were also moments of gold - the put downs of the TV sales man, the Blade Runner style photo investigation and the comic book shop scene. Also how amazing did the show look considering its budget was less than 3 episodes of Series II back in 1988!<br /><br />The big mistake was airing it in three parts rather than as one glorious whole - it needed a tighter edit however, this was Red Dwarf for the post 'New Who' generation and I'd welcome more of it.</span>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-13072877531417598462009-03-19T03:01:00.000+00:002009-03-20T03:03:07.867+00:00In Five Year's Time<p class="MsoNormal">In the blog world I’ve been blogging for an eternity. Most manage a week to a month before losing the blogging urge. OK, while I’m not a prolific Blogger in the slightest (last year’s count fell drastically ho-hum) I can certainly claim to have a good bit of longevity.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Today marks my fifth anniversary in the blogosphere. It actually gone quick but, really, it’s a looong time.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A lot has changed in those five years too. Back in 2004 I was still very much in student mode. I’d been out of uni for just over 18 months and beer and pot noodles was still my way of living. Since 2004 however I’ve taken my first step on the property ladder as well as my first step on the radio ladder. That rung loosened though and it’s only in the last 6 months that broadcasting has become a regular part of life again.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Those hazy days of 2004 were all done on Dial-Up too – no high tech broadband back then. In fact the whole web 2.0 bubble was very much in its infancy. Flickr, Facebook and Twitter were unheard of and Lycos was still a popular web destination. Heck even blogger itself was in its pre-google buyout infancy. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Other changes in my life include becoming salaried – a huge change enabling me to better budget for mortgaged life and for the biggest, and most recent change in life – fatherhood.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Where next? I really can’t predict what I’ll be doing in 5 years time. The world is more unstable these days. It seems were heading for economic or climatic meltdown so rather than plan for the future I’d rather seize the moment. One thing’s for sure and that’s that the web doesn’t stand still. Who knows where blogging will go in 5 years.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">See you then?</p>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-3377459703738972772009-03-14T23:55:00.000+00:002009-03-18T23:32:25.325+00:00Push<p class="MsoNormal">Wow.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">That’s the only word that can sum it up.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">At 21.55 this evening I became I father. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">You’ve all seen childbirth on screen before. Sci Fi fans may remember Worf’s awkward delivery of Molly on the Enterprise. For most though, the TV version of childbirth best remembered will be that of Damien’s on Only Fools & Horses. That’s what I had in my head. The waiting, the swearing, the joyous crying.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Well it’s kind of like that but nothing can prepare you for actually experiencing it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">What no one has ever told me about is the fear and helplessness you feel as the male. There you are watching the person you love go through sheer agony and there’s nothing you can do about it. Well, there’s superficial things like soothing gestures and brow mopping but that’s it, that is all you can do and it is heartbreaking. Then there’s the boredom. You’re in that delivery room for a long time. It was a relief to get out of the room for 10 minutes for my own *ahem* delivery. Finally it’s the fear that kicks in. You realise that a lot can go wrong – especially when it gets to the point that epidurals and c-sections are being discussed.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Still, this long slog is totally worth it for the moment when you meet your child. The image of the midwife whipping him out and over onto Miss Smeg’s chest will forever be etched into my mind. Then there’s the moment I cut the cord before mini-me was cleaned down and, still screaming, placed into my arms. He stopped crying instantly, I however, didn’t.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Here we are, two hours later and I’m still on a high. It’s amazing and I wish words could capture it... oh and Miss Smeg only swore once.</p>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-69768170095834689292009-02-27T19:43:00.002+00:002009-02-27T20:27:03.763+00:00I Hate Trekkies<blockquote>The thing that really narks me about the forth-coming Star Trek film is that we<br />know they all survive. We know they go on to have a five year mission. That was<br />the problem with the Star Wars prequals too... we knew the outcome therefore<br />there was no sense of danger. Prequals suck.</blockquote><br /><br />A typical post on a Star Trek fandom board. It depresses me.<br /><br />It also makes no sense.<br /><br />If there's no sense of excitement then how come Warner Brother's Harry Potter series are so successful? Or New Line's Lord Of The Rings trilogy? Both film series where the full outcomes are available to read in printed form should you be bothered.<br /><br />What of the Star Trek series when they were first shown on TV? We all knew the actors were tied down to 7 year contracts when watching the Next Generation therefore we all knew the status quo would be resumed by the end of the episode - did that really make the story any less dramatic? Of course not.<br /><br />Only one TV series has ever managed to shock and awe with dramatic exits on characters and that's [spooks]. From deep fat fryers to carbombs you never know who is going to survive an episode - it's genius. But I wouldn't want all TV like that - things would just get too tense.<br /><br />Paramount Pictures has given Star Trek a second chance (actually it's probably on it's fifth life by now) despite a dull previous film and dreary series in Enterprise the film studio is still willing to pump hundreds of millions pounds into the franchise. We, as Trekkies should be thankful but all I see is constant moaning;<br /><br />'The warp nacelles are too bulky'<br />'The uniforms look dumb'<br />'Kirk should be more rugged'<br />'The bridge looks like an Apple store'<br /><br />And to think that one of Star Trek's original mantras was 'infitnite diversity in infinite combinations'.<br /><br />I for one can't wait. It looks awesome. It looks fresh but most of all - it's NEW frickin' STAR TREK!smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-51594658823847542902009-01-07T10:59:00.001+00:002009-01-07T10:59:41.540+00:00Closing Doors<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/SWSLHa5n7DI/AAAAAAAAAFs/6E71qxJI3Kw/s1600-h/image-upload-502-780990.jpg"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/SWSLHa5n7DI/AAAAAAAAAFs/6E71qxJI3Kw/s320/image-upload-502-780990.jpg"/></a><br /><span/><br /></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-64421408882089754612008-11-09T13:56:00.000+00:002009-01-06T13:58:12.709+00:00I Remember My First TimeThere was the anticipation as I eagerly eyed her curves, knowing that soon it’d all be over. There was the nervousness, what if I chickened out? What if it wasn’t the amazing experience I’d always imagined it to be, a bitter let down to feel bad about for ever more? Even worse, what if she made me vomit?<br /><br />Slowly I eased myself in, protection in place... hoping it won’t fail. Then it started, the build up, slowly rising and rising to a climax before all that tension was released.<br /><br />Whoosh!<br /><br />Swerving around the track banking to the right then down, down, down, that first drop straight into a hard right turn followed by the set piece – the double corkscrew hammering you down into your seat.<br /><br />It wasn’t a letdown, it was exhilaration. A totally joyous experience that confirmed what I already knew – I was a rollercoaster junkie and The Corkscrew had taken my virginity. My first inversion, my first ride.<br /><br />Sure, there are older, more revered coasters in the UK – The Big Dipper at Blackpool perhaps being the grandest of dames but there was something special about The Corkscrew. She was my first. Whenever I returned to Alton Towers I always secretly, mentally gave her a nod of respect for that fact. Sure in her later years she didn’t quiet have the kick. You were more likely to come off with a bad neck than a joyous high but we had a connection. The fact that we were both born just a week apart for one thing.<br /><br />With the news that I’m soon to be a father I also had a secret hope. A desire to share my unborn child’s first coaster ride. A hobby we could share, not now obviously but in ten or so years time. Mentally I’d always hoped that his first ride would be mine – The Corkscrew at Alton but alas it’s not to be for today she dispatched her final ride.<br /><br />Smeg, I hear you cry, it’s just a ride just a hunk of metal. There will be other coasters. Yes, you’re right of course but to passionate football fans is the old Wembley just an old stadium or a passionate symbol of football dreams? Is that building on the high street that’s all boarded up a rotting pile of bricks and mortar or is it the night club were you once shared your first kiss? Is your first car just a piece of metal on a scrapheap somewhere or a fond memory of your first taste of independence?<br /><br />To me the Corkscrew is a special symbol of one of my beloved passions and she’ll be much missed.smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-11000585590989125042008-11-06T12:07:00.001+00:002008-11-06T12:10:09.909+00:00Quantum Sleep<p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">IfIwritethislongscentencealltogethertryingtogetasenseofexcitementandquickpacethen,tobehonestitjustlookslikeanillegiblemess. You can’t read it can you? You’re not quite sure what I’m getting at or what’s going on. To get a sense of speed & excitement in text you don’t remove the spaces because that’s just confusing.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It’s a shame someone couldn’t explain this to the makers of A Quantum Of Solace. Whenever something exciting happens, rather than let us see it, they cut camera angles in rapid succession, zoom right in really quickly and go into shakey-cam mode. They think they’re making it visually exciting and putting you right into the picture – instead they’re putting up more of a barrier between you and the film because you haven’t got a clue what’s occurring. The first 5 minutes of Quantum feature a high speed car chase. Problem is I haven’t got a clue what actually happened during it because I couldn’t see it clearly. I know Bond’s car door came off but I don’t know how.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Compare that to the first 5 minutes of the original Italian Job which also includes an exciting drive down a very similar tunnel/cliff road. It’s beautifully shot, and with the backing of Matt Monroe you’re really in the film feeling a sense of bliss before the driver dramatically drives to his death into the tunnel. A far superior exciting sequence simply because they let the audience see what’s happening.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sadly this happens every time Bond gets involved in action in Quantum and boy is it frustrating. How could the makers of a Bond film so near perfect as Casino Royale get it so, so wrong just two years later.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Quantum is just dull, boring and bland. I’d say it actually reminds me tonally of the Timothy Dalton Bond’s but that’s doing Dalton a disservice. He played the brutal side of Bond well without sacrificing his cutting humour. Sadly there’s none of Bond’s humour on display in Quantum. It’s gutting because Daniel Craig is potentially the best Bond ever.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I never expected ‘Casino Royal 2’ to live up to the original, because Casino is simply brilliant – but I also didn’t expect Quantum to be this bad.</span></span></p> <span style=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Not to worry though, Bond is a master of reinvention. For every Moonraker there’s a From Russia With Love and I hope that Eon will give Bond his big book of cutting jibes back and tell the next director that there is a wide lense in the camera bag. Let Bond have some fun again – don’t be so miserable. It’s not as bad as Die Another Die – just slightly more depressing.</span></span>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-88245418654068273852008-10-30T18:16:00.001+00:002008-10-30T18:16:59.286+00:00Bats The Way I Like It<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/SQn6GndTjRI/AAAAAAAAAEI/2m77vIuk4l0/s1600-h/image-upload-200-718672.jpg"><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Baa-I5zDE4Q/SQn6GndTjRI/AAAAAAAAAEI/2m77vIuk4l0/s320/image-upload-200-718672.jpg"/></a><br /><span>A perfect halloween photo. This little fellow was asleep outside the radio studios i work at. Shhhh!</span><br /></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-5318887327137029632008-10-14T21:54:00.004+01:002008-10-14T22:40:37.318+01:00Being A Geek Ain't Easy<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">In 5 years of spouting my crap on here I'm pretty sure I've said before how annoying it is to be a geek at times. For starters there's the old cliched media view - fat, spotty virgins still living with the parents. (OK, so I'm overweight but hey...)</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">As if that's not bad enough we have the uber-geeks to contend with. The ones that totally live up to stereotype and give us normal fanboys a bad image. They're the ones that do dress as Vulcans or Borg.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Of course not only am I into Science Fiction but I'm also fascinated by ufology - another group derided by the media as 'nuts'. Once again though we're our own worst enemy as a high contingent of those fascinated by UFO's turn not to science but spiritualism. The answers to flying saucers lie not in the skies but in our minds... sigh. Being a man of science this pisses me off because each time one of these nuts who claim they can speak to General Korg of the Seventh Astral Empire through telepathy goes public then the general perception of ufology is set back by another 5 years or so. (Sort of like how </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Derek Acorah destroyed any of Most Haunted's credibility.)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Over the past few months the internet has been awash with 14/10/08 mania in ufology circles, thankfully this hasn't reached mainstream otherwise those interested in UFO's, but with a scientific mindset, would have been among the laughing stock... again.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Basically Blossom, an online spiritualist was convinced that a galactic lightship will reveal itself to the world on </span><a href="http://10-14-08.blogspot.com/2008/08/what-is-predicted-to-happen-on-10-14-08.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">14th October 2008</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> once and for all confirming the existence of UFOs/aliens. Of course it was never going to happen, just like the LHC wasn't going to kill us but it pisses me off that these spiritualists and crazy web-predictors are given any credibility.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I hate censorship but I'm with Tim Berners-Lee on his views when it comes to how the web spreads mis-information. These morons need protecting from themselves.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Want more online paranoia? Try </span><a href="http://www.abovetopsecret.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Above Top Secret</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> a forum where 50% of content is pure garbage - though, if you dig deep enough there's some genuinely fascinating & thought provoking content. (I hate slagging ATS of because I'm genuinely a fan, but bear in mind it's where I first discovered the predictions of Blossom then you'll realise some of it is guff of the highest order.)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-54003423360065823432008-10-13T23:29:00.003+01:002008-10-13T23:37:05.150+01:00The Best Big Brother Yet?Every year I post on this blog how pissed off I am with Big Brother. Why oh why can't they return to the simple style of the first few series. No media wannabies, no bimbos, no freaks, no twists, no turns.<div><br /></div><div>Just 10 INTERESTING people. People that are over 25, people that have actually experienced some real life not just the 'sample' of life that you get until your around 18/19 when your still sheltered by your parents. </div><div><br /></div><div>If the Big Brother producers aren't capable of that then why not really go down the twists route. Not the pathetic boring 'we have another house' style twists that they think are amazingly clever. (They're not.) Pretend there's been a huge life changing event outside the house, drip feed the housemates news of bombs or a mass pandemic really fuck with their minds.</div><div><br /></div><div>For a while I though this would make an excellent book, so right now I'm really pissed off that someone has beaten me to it.... but when I discovered that someone to be Charlie Brooker the hatred ceased and now I just can't wait to see the <a href="http://www.e4.com/deadset/">results</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Big Brother + Zombie apocalypse x Charlie Brooker = awesome, it might just even top Shaun Of The Dead...</div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-48998093407689452662008-09-12T12:07:00.002+01:002008-09-12T12:28:01.278+01:00Gym BuddiesThere's one thing I hate about going to the gym and that's having to train with other men. 80% are fine, they come in use the equipment quietly and move on. If it were all like that it'd be great but there's 20% that let my own gender down.<div><br /></div><div>They come in in the tightest branded sportswear possible and walk in with an air of 'oooooh look at me, I'm Adonis.'</div><div><br /></div><div>When exercising they grunt and groan loudly as if to say, yes look at me, I'm a god I have muscles and I'm working out baby. Then when they've finished they go down to the changing room and walk around naked as id they're crying 'these are my testicles, deal with it'. They're the type that did that shit male-bonding wet-towel-whipping-thing with their mates at school.</div><div><br /></div><div>OK, I'm a fat introvert but I just don't get it. Great that they're fit and so obviously enjoy it but it's just so uncomfortable. Talking to a few female friends from the gym they admit this is why they'd love a women only gym - if it's not for the look-at-me-I'm-amazing types you've also got the letches eyeing them up while they're on the treadmill. Of course being male I don't have to suffer that do I... wrong.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't know how, considering I go at random times on random days, but almost every time I go THEY are there. The two lovebirds that never seem to set foot out of the weights room. I'm safe in the CV area but as soon as I go down to try and firm up my man boobs I have to share a room with them and it's so uncomfortable. They both blatantly check me out, which is odd considering I'm red and sweaty - I mean how is that attractive? </div><div><br /></div><div>So question is how can I send a non verbal cue that says - 'sorry lads, I'm hetrosexual'. Bear in mind I have a Doctor Who sports bottle and Harry Potter towel this message is made more difficult...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-68134929820990648962008-09-10T19:10:00.002+01:002008-09-10T19:26:08.021+01:00Large Queue Collider<div>I spent the eve of the end-of-the-world at work, realising that should the apocalypse not occur I'd need breakfast and I was out of bread.</div><div><br /></div><div>I could have gone to the garage which was on my way home, instead I decided to walk the extra 40 minute round trip to ASDA and back. Of course, this meant I spent considerably more on crap than I would have at BP - after all, raspberry smoothie is essential at midnight.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I arrived at the checkout to find two tills in operation, both with queues. Alas the latent autistic inside me kicked in and I tried to work out which would be quicker, then a more sensible plan arose. If I stood in the middle of the aisle I could simply join which ever queue frees up first - this would be beneficial to anyone joining behind me too as they would also get to join the fastest moving queue. My genius moment was shattered by a trappy bint behind me.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Scuse me mate, which queue are you in?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Ahh well, you see it doesn't matter does it - whichever comes free first."</div><div><br /></div><div>I though she'd cotton onto the logic, alas she was probably one of the population that was cowering under her breakfast table at 08.30 this morning because, instead off cool CERN style logic, she went for an end-of-the-world-fearing style rash decision.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Well I'm going to join this queue 'cos that one nearest you is obviously moving faster."</div><div><br /></div><div>*sigh* Well, yes she was right. But I'd already spotted the guy in front of me was Polish and yes, I'm about to be racist - but they're like students - they always pay with card... that takes slightly longer. Also what if one of the goods of the lady in front of him had a faulty barcode and the cashier had to type that 200 digit code in? (Seriously, I should be autistic...)</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, I did get to the till first but still it left me wondering why, as a race, we're rarely logical. Then I realised I was turning into Mr Spock and fecked off home...</div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-69554551387376231092008-09-09T12:28:00.001+01:002008-09-10T01:49:13.164+01:00Real RadioEvery Monday morning I play at being a radio DJ. Yes that bastion of geekdom that is Hospital Radio. If you believe the image then Hospital radio contains 2 types of people.<div><br /></div><div>1. The bitter middle-aged types that aren't quite good enough to be on proper radio.</div><div>2. The young ego types who are just using Hospital to break into proper radio.</div><div><br /></div><div>Tis rubbish of course, Hospital Radio is great fun and yes while we're all geeky I'd argue that most proper radio DJ's have an element of geekdom anyway. (Seriously, most I know are either in to Star Trek, Doctor Who or collect radio jingles and TV themes...)</div><div><br /></div><div>No, the station I work at contains wonderful people that are passionate about the place and its listeners. They all genuinely want to make the patients stay in the hospital as comfortable as possible and want the station to sound as professional as possible. </div><div><br /></div><div>Still, while sitting there at the mixing desk I often wonder how real stations work. Are people as passionate as us or is it all about the money? Thankfully <a href="http://onegoldensquare.com/">a blog</a> has arrived on the scene that gives amazing insight into the industry and its people and its all centered around what was Virgin 1215. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's a long story but Virgin has been recently sold, and proper Virgin, i.e. Branson, doesn't want the Virgin name attached to the new station (odd that, proper Virgin sold Virgin 1215 years ago, why so protective of the name now?!) Anyway this means the new owners have the unenviable task of rebranding an existing station. This is a huge mission - they don't want to alienate existing listeners but at the same time they have a unique opportunity to revitalize and relaunch the station. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's exciting for, as I hurtle towards 30 and Radio 1 insists I stop listening to them by generally putting shit personalities on air instead of jocks that actually care about the music & industry I've started to look for a new radio 'home'. Most of the time I listen to BBC 6 Music as alas, every time I tune into Virgin you can guarantee they'll either be playing Chasing Cars, All Summer Long or I Kissed A Girl. Still lately Virgolute is sounding better & better.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>They've chosen the name 'Absolute. Radio' which I think's great. But how did they arrive at this? What's the thought process and what's going on at the station in the meantime? Well, this <a href="http://onegoldensquare.com/">blog</a>, as I said, is an amazing insight into running a radio station and if you're remotely interested I highly recommend it.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-69688078270411850672008-09-08T14:05:00.002+01:002008-09-08T14:11:16.888+01:00Living In A BoxWhat's the greatest invention of all time?<div><br /></div><div>The microchip? Phone? Computer? The Wheel? All candidates I'm sure you'll agree. I would argue that it is quite simply the box. You can put stuff in a box, surprise people with it's contents, keep things safe.</div><div><br /></div><div>The daddy of all boxes - the shipping container - first appeared in the 60s and since then has revolutionised global commerce. Now 80% of stuff coming into the UK arrives in a shipping container.</div><div><br /></div><div>The BBC this week have started a new feature to measure the humble shipping container's impact on the world. They've bought their very own, branded it and fitted it with a GPS tracker. Now thanks to <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/business/2008/the_box/default.stm">this site</a> you can see where in the world it is. Over the next year they'll report on it and follow it's journey.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sounds mind numbingly dull doesn't it? Still the more you think about the more amazing it is how stuff is shipped from China factories to our shop shelves all thanks to these containers. Think how many of these containers you pass on lorries as you travel along the motorway - they all have their own destination and are all controlled by someone.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/business/2008/the_box/default.stm">Check out the BBC Box's journey</a>.</div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-10122606285952733802008-08-19T13:35:00.004+01:002008-08-19T13:42:32.956+01:00Things I've Learnt From AQA 63336 - Part 1<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I have an amazing secret... actually, I have two. But the one I can reveal right now is that I'm a researcher for the SMS text service AQA 63336. They're lovely folk who will answer any question you ask - simple as that. You can even try them for free </span><a href="http://www.aqa.issuebits.com/free_question_and_answer.htm?internal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">here</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Anyway, as well as research for them I also regularly use them to further my own knowledge - usually during drunken nights out... thanks to their new AQA Club service I can now access every question I've ever asked. So, here's some things AQA have taught me:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px; font-family:Verdana;font-size:11px;"><table width="100%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(20/04/07) How do you get rid of hic-cups?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To get rid of the hiccups, drink slowly out of the back of a glass (bend over double) or blow slowly into a paper bag and inhale slowly a few times.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(06/04/07) Can a drinking straw be used to pierce human skin? (As seen in Doctor Who last week.. I'm not actually intending to obviously!)</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A standard drinking straw doesn't have the strength to penetrate human skin. It would crumple. Marvin C Stone patented the drinking straw in 1888.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(05/04/07) What are baby rats called?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A baby rat is called a 'pup'. A male rat is called a 'buck' and a female rat is called a 'doe'. Two rats can parent 15,000 rats in less than a year.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(07/03/07) Which costs the Royal Mint more to produce - a »1 coin or a »5 note?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It costs the Royal Mint £1.50 to make a pound coin. The pound coin is 70% Copper, 24.5% Zinc and 5.5% Nickel. Costs for £5 notes are not revealed.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(06/02/07) Who would win in a battle between yoda and godzilla?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">AQA thinks that in a fight between Yoda & Godzilla, Yoda would win. He may be small and green but his mastery of Jedi skills would see him through.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(06/02/07) Who would have won in a fight between muhammed ali and mike tyson?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">AQA thinks that Muhammad Ali would beat Mike Tyson in a fight, if both were in their prime, due to his superior mental stamina, guile and ability.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(21/12/06) Why is boxing day called boxing day?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The name Boxing Day dates back to medieval times, when alms boxes were placed at the back of churches and distributed to the poor after Christmas.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(25/03/06) In battlestar galactica (the new version) is Dr Baltar a cylon?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"Baltar" was the human involved with the "Cylons" in the original "Battlestar Galactica". "Dr Gaius Baltar" is the more modern version, not as evil.</span></span></td></tr><tr><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td><td width="20" height="5" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" width="4%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Q.</span></span></b></td><td valign="top" width="96%" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(25/03/06) Does size matter?</span></span></b></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A.</span></span></td><td valign="top" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: none; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Penis size doesn't matter. Skill as a lover and satisfying women has little to do with penis length. It ain't what you got, it's what you do with it.</span></span></td></tr></tbody></table></span></div>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-82127861676760538482008-08-08T13:23:00.002+01:002008-08-08T13:26:52.475+01:00Spectre PsychologyHave you ever spent a night in a haunted house?<br /><br />I’ve spent the last two weeks in a charming cornish farmhouse, miles from anywhere deep in the countryside.<br /><br />It was a truly rustic building with sloping, creaky floors and doors that were anything but rectangular. Also, being 6 foot meant I’d developed a hunched back and sore head from avoiding all the low ceilings. Not to worry though, I was on holiday and wanted to do nothing – literally.<br /><br />The bed was cosy, but you know how it is sleeping in a strange environment – it’s never the same as your actual bed and it led to waking up more that I normally do in the course of a usual night. Often in those times of waking I’d hear a few bangs from somewhere within the house. Nothing sinister, probably the dog stirring or someone else banging their head on the toilet door.<br /><br />I didn’t think much of it until well into the second week when we discovered, and read the visitor book. All fairly normal apart from one entry:<br /><br /><blockquote>"Lovely holiday though I do feel sorry for my friends staying in room 3. On the Thursday night they awoke to find a blurry figure of a man with a pitchfork opening their wardrobe. He disappeared but not before opening and closing the main door too. This happened again on the Friday – both times at around 3am."</blockquote><br /><br /><p>And yes, guess who was sleeping in room 3 this time. So that night I went to bed and low and behold had a less well-settled night. Of course it was utter nonsense, one paragraph in a visitor book but it played at the back of my mind. We hadn’t seen any evidence of a haunting, though there was the occasional banging which could have been anything. </p><p>Nothing happened in the remaining nights but it goes to show that suggestion is a powerful thing.</p><p></p>smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6639290.post-61771616094035879312008-08-07T07:55:00.001+01:002008-08-07T07:55:21.685+01:00RIPier<div style="float: right; margin-left: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/smeg_head/492346380/" title="photo sharing"><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/226/492346380_f6ef56760a_m.jpg" alt="" style="border: solid 2px #000000;" /></a> <br /> <span style="font-size: 0.9em; margin-top: 0px;"> <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/smeg_head/492346380/">Pier</a> <br /> Originally uploaded by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/smeg_head/">smeg_head</a> </span></div>It's odd that the destruction of a building can evoke feelings of sadness. It's just a building, bricks an mortar. It has no soul.<br /><br />Oh but that building contains memories, those memories are its soul.<br /><br />Memories of playing in the funhouse aged 8. Memories of riding the dodgems with a hangover after a friends wedding. Memories of running around it like a loon trying to find clues on a charity Jailbreak.<br /><br />When I saw the news the other week I was devestated for Weston. The effect the destruction of the pier will have on the town is huge - it's the heart and soul of the community.<br /><br />RIP Grand Pier, I just hope that your future isn't as glum as that of Brighton's East Pier.<br clear="all" />smeg_headhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10142393519565431185noreply@blogger.com0