Twas The Noon Before Xmas

I’m on such a low at the moment. I’ve just come from the radio station where I’ve completed my fortnight long stint as late breakfast show host. I was on such a high, and now the contrast of emotions is weird.

I’m unhappy because I’m no longer a radio DJ and I’m unhappy because I’ve neglected this Blog! Hopefully the near future will bring some more radio work, I’ve already stuff lined up but it all seems so far far away.

It’s weird to feel so down on Xmas Eve which is normally one of my favourite days of the year hopefully meeting up with old friends over the next few hours will right my ways but until then normal life just seems bland compared to the whirlwind of the last few weeks.

Smeg On Air

So what was that exciting news from the other day? Well I didn’t jinx it and I have now done something that I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve had a go at radio. A brand new local radio station launched last week so I emailed offering to help – I expected to do some behid the scenes stuff and work my way up but on the first day they gave me an on-air audition. Whatever I did I seemed to do it OK as I have had two slots since – yesterday I was on air for four hours. I’m awaiting call back for later this week but have loved every minute!

On another bright note my run of good Christmas gigs continues. Friday night was a blinder with the dance floor full throughout the night. Yesterday, although we had smaller numbers, again I kept the floor alive! Friday: 9/10 Saturday 8/10

Itching To Say...

My head is spinning with a dizzying amount of contrasting emotions at the moment;. Fear, Joy, Nervousness & Excitement are all rampaging through my brain. I want to tell you all and shout out the exciting news but at the same time I don’t want to say much in case things fall through.
One of my ambitions in life has always been to work in radio. Not to be famous, but just because the thought of sitting there and sharing music with people excites me. Tomorrow, I might have the opportunity to do just that as I’ve been invited down to a new local radio station that is starting up. I’ll fill you in as soon as I can, but for now – wish me luck!

PC Worl.. Won't

So last week my PC died – the hard drive corrupted. I took it to PC world and asked for it to be fixed. "Sorry we don’t fix PC’s here" said the patronising Italian technician. "So why is there a huge sign above your head advertising PC Repairs from £50?" I inquired. He didn’t answer me properly and just started rabbiting on about the hotline number I should ring. He told me I had a virus and patronised me by telling me I should have virus protection as the net is a dangerous place. Then he told me not to worry. Not to worry? I’ve only lost all my data, hey no worries.
So if your PC breaks down don’t bother with PC World, apparently they don’t fix PCs….

Djing on an open fire.

This weekend saw my first corporate Christmas functions. In theory Xmas dos are easy money. People are there to party – nothing else. Also the age range isn’t as wide as family parties. You have no toddlers, no kids requesting Busted, no stroppy teens requesting awfulness like Scooter and Three of a Kind and no over 60s who think they’re being cool requesting Agadoo. Instead you have an age range of 18 to 50ish meaning it is easier to target the music you play. Also as it isn’t a family gathering the punters are keener to dance rather than spending hours catching up. It should be easy right?

Wrong.

The problem is you are governed by the catering team and have to wait until all the food is served before the volume is cranked up. With up to 160 people being fed this means one half of the room finish first and get bored waiting for me to start and thus start to leave for the local clubs. This year I’ve got a few games up my sleeve – play your cards right, mystery years etc which is helping to combat last years mass desertion. So far I’ve had my third best Xmas gig ever. Friday was 8/10 and Saturday 7/10. (Sorry but the 2001 Chelt Xmas ball and 2001 Ford Corporate bash at Cheltenham Racecourse topped this weekend!)

I've Missed You

Typical, another week where Smeg hasn't posted. Why does he even bother having a Blog when he doesn't maintain it? Well I really wanted to, I was planning a while series of posts about my Devon exploits then - last Saturday morning my hard drive died. Everything I'd ever done on PC lost forever....

It's weird losing a computer. I kept telling myself to back everything up but never did and thus now in this world of communication and data I was dataless.

I missed having access - for a while week I had to fight the urge to flick on the PC - even if I did I'd be greeted with a blue screen. Every day I'd make mental notes top check something out online a trivial fact hear a world event there. For 5 whole days I didn't have the luxury.

Oh and there's my experience with PC World, but I'll tell you about that tomorrow. Tonight I'm off to DJ my first corporate Xmas party. Jingle Bells...

Devon Guide - Day One

Today we trekked the hour and a bit journey from our Exmouth hotel to Plymouth. I had been warned by a friend about this historical city. He said it was a dump and was bound to offer some miserable experiences. Entering the city certainly seemed to prove his opinion. It was grotty. Grey and industrial everywhere. We voyaged into Plymouth past an odd looking Sainsbury’s and a mass of pampas grass.

Our first stop was at the National Marine Aquarium. This huge modern building dominates the harbour and was funded largely by a Lotto grant. This building is dedicated to educating the masses about water, oceans and marine life.

The displays were stunning – far superiors to many aquariums I’ve visited before. It even holds Europe’s largest tank. A dizzying 10.5 metres deep, the tank holds 2.5 million litres of warm seawater, including the adjoining life support systems, this volume increases to 3.3 million litres. The tank is especially designed to house a wide range of creatures from circling sharks to stealthy moray eels. There is also a second panoramic Atlantic Reef set in a hall that makes it look like something out of a 007 film. The rich blues and variety of colours from the sea life made staring at these huge walls of water a hypnotic experience.

After spending the morning there and enjoying one of the tastiest burgers I’ve ever eaten at a waterfront bar we ventured into Plymouth for some Xmas Shopping. The centre was undergoing a massive redevelopment scheme but even with that amount of disturbance I found the City to be a clean and pleasant experience – far from the grot I was expecting thanks to my friends advice. We did have the worst Mocha ever from Plymouth Costa but we also got loads of stuff from the huge Debenhams store. We had wanted to visit Plymouth Dome and Smeaton’s Tower, but sadly they were closed.

In the evening we headed back towards the Hoe and the Plymouth Gin Distillery this was a fascinating tour around the distillery and included some samples and history of the product. We even sat in the bar that the Pilgrim Father’s sat in on the eve of setting sail in the Mayflower to America.

After this we made the return trip back to Exmouth after enjoying a great day out. Plymouth had a lot to offer the average tourist and we were annoyed that the Dome – an interactive history of Plymouth – was closed. Still it gives us a reason to make a return visit!

Possibly the best gig of the year last night, the atmosphere just clicked and whatever I played just worked, I managed to get the atmosphere to go up and down and work the crowd well and felt quite chuffed with my self. I would have awarded last night the first ever 10/10 of 2004 except for the usual moron who didn't understand that a severe shift in the style of music would dampen things. This meant with just half an hour to go I all most emptied the dance floor - just 6 people left. Luckily I put things back on track and by the end everyone was having a good knees up to New York New York. It's not often I come home feeling completely happy with the evening but last night was pretty much there! 9.47 out of 10!

A Blog's life...

Don't worry I haven't forgotton about my planned Devon week on the Blog, I Just want to do a bit of research before I start so I get my facts right.

In the meantime I wanted to find something else to Blog about. What worries me is that I haven't. Is my life that boring that I can't even fill up an occaisional post on here? Got up, went to town, did some Xmas shopping, had a Starbucks, got home, watched Band Aid and now online. Predicatable.

So I think a resolution for 2005 is to make life more interesting. But how do I do it? Finally summon up the courage to become a home owner? Change of career? Perhaps try and travel more or try and broaden my social life? Perhaps I coulue, no thanks whatsoever to the Democratic standard-dropper, John Kerry."

Back For Good

I've been away for the last week, not because I deliberately was neglecting my Blog but simply because I was on holiday and could find no net access. Not to worry as I had an enjoyable week with my girlfriend in Devon and, for the next week, will use my Blog to promote what to do if you ever find your self there. Just give me a few hours to sort out my photos!

Burning The Bush

In yesterday’s The Times (now all diddy and compact thank God, it’s so much easier to read during lunch break as it now actually fits on the table!) Tony Blair issued a statement that the world should accept that George W Bush is here for another four years. He told us not to worry, that this second term will be a great time for America and the world.

The fact that the leader of Britian is telling the world not to worry that Bush has won a second term is precisely why I’m worrying.

Never before has one world leader had to reassure the globe about a fellow world leader. What the heck is that about?! It’s like saying, "yeah I know his first term saw him cause complete global chaos as he further divided the east and west through two major wars and ignored the UN, but he’s a laugh, chill dudes…"

What’s worse is that there is no way he can be re-elected so it now doesn’t matter what he does because he doesn’t have to impress the US people and try and win the second term. He can do anything…

Isn’t that scary?

Thank you America.

Thank you for re-electing a moron.

Thank you for putting the whole world's safety into another four years of jeopardy as he promotes his war on terror ruse to fund more safe oil supplies.

Thank you for ensuring that our moron-of-a-Prime-Minister spends even more time licking your moron-of-a-presidents arse.

Thank you.

Busy Week Behind

Last week was the first time I had to spend a week away from my girlfriend since leaving university in 2002. I imagined I’d have a long empty week – instead I had an empty blog. I ended up being busier than normal with a few extra shifts at work and planning for our Halloween spectacular yesterday – which went very well! I also got the chance to catch up with some old friends and spend the night out.

My main memory of the week though has to be last Sunday when, for the first time ever I had to do the train thing. I waved my girl friend off from Platform 4 – just like in the movies, mouthing I loved her and walking slightly up platform with the movement of the train. As she left the clouds opened and it poured down, pretty much mirroring my emotions. David Lean couldn’t have filmed it any better!

Sheer Ap-Peel

In the last decade the art of being a DJ has changed dramatically. Names like Westwood, Lisa Lashes, Pete Tong and Judge Jules ensured that it was no longer about the music. People flocked, not to hear the music, but to see the DJ. To witness how tunes were mixed and mashed up on the DJ’s whim. While I admire some of these DJ’s for their sheer technical excellence I have never admired their disrespect for the music – how they consider themselves bigger than the artists they play. To me that is not what Djing is about.

When I DJ I hold my hands up and admit that my technical expertise could probably be matched by a four year old, but as far as I’m concerned I’m there to play music – not to show off.

I’m often asked whom I admire as a DJ. Two people always spring to mind – the first being Sir Jimmy Saville. This may shock you but was the first true live DJ. In 1943 he hit up on the idea of playing records live, he was the first person to use two turntables and an amplifier and played records by Glenn Millar and Harry James throughout Mecca Ballrooms nation-wide.

The second person is considered to be one of the UK music scenes most influential people. John Peel. He championed the music and never ever let celebrity take hold of him. He used to kid new Radio One DJ’s that he was the office bin man but secretly they all knew who he was – he was the reason they got into radio. John Peel had no arrogance when it came to music, he realised that all music had potential and he spent his life celebrating any musical sound that deviated slightly from pop. Many Indie bands owe their careers to him but he’d never admit it. In fact he would hate the fact that I’d just written that.

Sadly, yesterday John Peel died suddenly from a heart attack. The UK Music industry has lost one of its biggest assets and UK radio has lost one of its best voices.
John Peel RIP.

Smells Like a Teen Idiot

I haven’t been adding reviews of my DJ gigs lately because they’ve all been pretty normal nights. Until now. Last night I DJ’d a joint 18th for three people. In the week before one of the group had requested plenty of Rock music which I was happy to cater for – it’s good stuff. On the night though it just didn’t get people dancing. I started playing chart – Kelis, Rachel Stevens, Eric Prydz etc and soon people were packing the dance floor.

"Oi, what’s going on – I’ve asked for a rock party." Said the one birthday boy. I explained that it wasn’t getting the atmosphere going and I’d noticed people were leaving so I was trying to balance it out with some chart stuff.

"I don’t care, I’ve asked for rock and it’s my party!" was his snotty response. So I started playing stuff he’d asked for – Rainbow, Kiss, Guns & Roses and yet again the dance floor emptied. People started asking for more chart, Black Eyed Peas, Deep Dish so I put it back on and dance floor filled then once again birthday boy came and complained.

I pointed out that there were two other people celebrating their birthdays at this party and that guests were asking for more dance & chart he was the only one asking for Rock. Sadly he was such a selfish moron he was determined to just have a party for himself and a handful of his friends who were head-banging. His attitude was that of ‘f*ck the 150 or so guests.’
So I played just rock. I admit it was all great stuff and tracks I’d happily listen to but it was completely killing the night so I became bored. Guests left and it was just the moronic head-bangers left. King Tw@t ended the night by smashing up a chair – a bit stupid considering we have his bank details and will now quite happily charge him for the damage he caused.
So one arrogant sh*t ruined and 18th for two other people and eventually ended up ruining it for himself. It was worth it just to see him leg it like a girl when security saw him smashing the chair.

3/10

Newsagent Annoyance

WHSmith this week reported more profit warnings. It is a stark time for one of the nations most famous brands with specialist shops like Waterstones, Rymans and HMV wrestling in on its lines. There’s also the threat of online shops such as Amazon and Play.

I used to love WHSmith, before I discovered the (cheaper) joys of online shopping it was where I bought all my music and videos. Now I use it simply as a newsagents although it’s no longer much good as that. Magazines I used to buy have disappeared from it’s shelves. Source, a cocktail and drinking guide I now have to buy online and it also stopped stocking UFO Magazine (which has ceased publication since then anyway.) Now almost every time I visit the magazines are moved around occupying different shelves and a regular monthly merry-go round. Some weeks SFX and Star Trek are tucked away at the back and others their in a completely different area. Edge is often hard to find as is Fortean Times.

So there you Mr W H Smith that is why you’re losing money, it’s because you keep moving the magazines around! Human beings love routine and familiarity. When I walk into a shop I want to know exactly where I’m heading to to buy the product I want. Sadly they’ve lost my custom now, I can pick up the Times in Starbucks and a smaller shop down the road has a fantastic range of magazines which are always in the same shelf space every week!

It’s not 9-5 you know…

At last, after a year of waiting tonight we finally discover if Tom is double agent. Is Harry in on the operation or was it a set up from Christine Dale all along? The last time we saw him Tim Quinn was disappearing into the North Sea with his life destroyed by a secret CIA operation and we’ve had to wait until 9pm tonight to find out if we’ll see him again. Sadly I’m working and have to set the video so please, don’t tell me, don’t spoil the surprise. Please? Thanks!

A Shat Album

Imagine my surprise about three weeks ago when I tuned into Dermot O’Leary’s Saturday club on BBC Radio 2. I heard a fantastic rendition of Pulp’s Common People. Then the following week Chris Moyles played it every day on his breakfast show. It grew on me until I reached the point when I had to get hold of a copy.

So who was the artist behind this five-minute musical delight. None other than William ‘Captain Kirk’ Shatner. In the 1970s he released his own album; The Transformed Man which was, well, a bit of a joke. Tuneless renditions of Beatles hits meant his musical career promptly ended. Anyway this week I wandered into my local Virgin Megastore (which is actually no bigger than your average toilet cubical) and there was his new album "Has Been" on the rack. I knew of the Shatmeister’s musical history and wondered if my love of his version of Common People warranted spending £13.99 but then I saw the list of supporting artists including Ben Fold and Lemon Jelly.

I bought it.

And? I love it. It’s different, it’s even a bit challenging – it’s also brutally honest and while Mr Shatner still can’t carry a tune he does carry some powerful lyrics about the loss of his wife and the loss of contact with his daughter. He challenges the view that he is thought of simply as James T. Kirk arguing he is so much more. He also mourns the fact that he is nearing the end of his life proclaiming in a fantastic blues/gospel track "Live each day like you’re going to die because one day you are."

So go and take a listen to it, I can honestly say I don’t think you’ll regret it. In fact I think I’m going to take another listen right now…

Grande Caramel Macchiato Please

Coming home from university two years ago was a time of mixed emotions. I was sad to be leaving friends behind, leaving a town that, over three years, had become a second home. Then again I was returning home to old friends and family and familiar surroundings.

There were two things that I would really miss about the town centre at uni. One was the superb HMV store which regularly fed my appetite for new music and DVDs. The other was the coffee-houses. They were a new phenomenon to me when I began uni in 1999 but I grew so fond of them I even ended up buying my own coffee machine. Cheltenham had Starbucks, two Costas an Italian Coffee Co and a Soho Coffee co. Lots of variety and lots of different Mochas.
So for the last two years my irregular visits to Cheltenham or Birmingham have been a blessing – a chance to visit a real coffee house, something Hereford has lacked – until this year.

Imagine my delight when Costa opened it’s door a few months ago. Gorgeous coffee and a gorgeous house! Then, like buses two came along at once. This week the Holy Grail – Starbucks finally got it’s barista's a brewing in Hereford. After two years it was a sheer disappointment. Sure the coffee was gorgeous, that familiar taste I’d missed but the surroundings were awful. The café is small and cramped. The tables no bigger than the plastic imitations you fed your teddies tea parties around when you were three. I missed the large airy surroundings of the Cheltenham branch with big comfy sofas and study tables for the next days assignment.

Looks like I’ll be drinking from a paper cup in the future.

It'll Be Alright On Tape

At last, another compilation of bloopers and gaffs was broadcast on ITV 1 last night. It may be cheap TV but I love It'll Be Alright On The Night and look forward to it every year. But like many I always make sure I deliberately record it so I can fast forward through the painfully unfunny Dennis Norden. When will ITV learn to prise the clipboard from his hand and send him packing. We don't want to see him, we just want the clips! You've Been Framed is the same - who cares about Lisa Riley, we just want to see people falling over and cute kittens doing oh so funny things with door handles and bits of string!