Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

I’m started to get excited. It can’t have escaped you that in one hour and forty minutes one of Britian’s Pop culture icons is returning to television. Not that we have many pop culture icons, the US tend to dominate that field leaving us James Bond, Sooty and of course Doctor Who.

I’m not quite sure why I’m getting excited. Although I enjoyed Who as a kid (I was 10 when it was axed) I’ve never bought and merchandise or went out of my way to watch it.

There is also the fact that I have already seen tonight’s episode having downloaded it from the naughty leak. What’s the verdict? Well it’s great, great fun and a change from all the dreary crime/medical dramas that seem to bog down television. The effects are brilliant and Christopher Ecclestone’s performance while ‘cooler’ than previous ‘Whos’ still has enough oddness to stay loyal to the character. I couldn’t stand Billie Piper in her pop career and while I still think she looks like a monkey she gives a great performance as Rose and I’m eager to see how the companionship pans out. The dodgiest bit has to be Rose's boyfriend being eaten alive by a wheelie bin.

I will watch tonight’s episode as It’ll be good to see it on a big screen with decent sound instead of a computer but I am worried. My appreciation of Star Trek has led to me to buying all the DVDs - not cheap but when you love it as much as I do it’s worth it. I’m just concerned that if I enjoy the rest of the new Who as much as the first episode it could lead to another Sci-Fi collection under my belt. My girlfriend already knows I’m a geek I don’t need more evidence!

Now That's What I Call Music II

1996: Dodgy, Free Peace Sweet.





Everyone remembers Good Enough. It was one of the sounds of the summer of 1996. That summer was simply gorgeous. Good weather and it seemed to stretch for an eternity. It was, in some ways, the last summer of my childhood. I had just completed my GCSE’s and was awaiting the start of Sixth Form. A 10-week (yes 10 – count ‘em) break with NOTHING to do! I didn’t have a job so I loafed. Cycled everywhere, read a lot and filmed dumb movies with my childhood best friend. Visited Alton Towers and got mildly drunk at a number of barbecues. It was also the year of my first ever DJ gig.

I remember watching Top Of The Pops (or TOTP as it was then) and being blown away by Dodgy’s performance of In A Room. I remember their earlier hit Stayin’ Out For The Summer but this sounded different. I bought the single but it wasn’t In A Room that got played and played – it was the B-Side, Self Doubt - a great sing-a-long song with a big bold sound. To this day to me that is the song I prefer to Good Enough. My dad bought me Free, Peace Sweet and it didn’t leave my CD player for months. The haunting ballads of If You’re Thinking Of Me. The great sound of UKRip and One of Those Rivers. I bought Dodgy back catalogue and while those CDs received a lot of attention it was always FPS that would be first choice. Sadly Dodgy disappeared. There was brief return with 2001’s self-funded ‘Real Estate’ which was a joy to listen to but didn’t capture me in the same way as FPS. To this day I rank Dodgy as a favourite band alongside Queen but I long for new material. Material I worry may never appear.

Now That’s What I Call Music

I have decided to delve into my music collection and review some of, what I think, are the most important albums of my life time. Albums I have bought that I played and played. This will be done in no particular order just as I pull them off my CD shelves!


1994 : Portishead, Dummy





This was a complete change in music for me. I’d made the transition from my misinformed Jive Bunny loving youth to teen years by listening to Queen. But I heard Portishead used as part of a Fortean Review of the Year on BBC 2. I loved it. The spooky and eerie sounds seemed to have its finger on the zeitgeist. Portishead: Dummy was the perfect soundtrack to my early teen years where I had become an X-Files/UFO obsessive and the music fitted the show better than Mark Snow’s original score. (As we all know X-Files went crap after a few years so I’ve since rediscovered Star Trek!)

From Mysterons through to Glory Box the echoing vocals of Beth Gibbons and rich bass sounds dispersed with gorgeous squeals of sound. I listened and listened to it, wearing out my original cassette tape (Yes – all you under 18s out there, cassette tape!) bought from Our Price and ended up replacing it with the much better CD. Strangely enough I have never purchased or even heard the follow up self-titled album. Perhaps I should seek it out, but I’m sure it’ll never match the deliciousness of Dummy.

Of course Portishead were sampled by the 411 late last year and with news of a new Portishead album on the way perhaps now is the time to catch up with their back catalogue.

Colour Changing Cars

Like crisps cars are subject to an ever-expanding variety. Back in the 80s I seem to remember every other car was red. You also had Blue, white and occasionally black but that was it – that was the full car colour spectrum. In the last few years these colours have become extinct, as everyone seems to opt for metallic hues, usually silver.

But there is one trend that concerns me. When did cars become yellow?

I first noticed it a few months ago. A bright yellow car pulled up next to my girlfriend with stickers of Tweety-Pie adorning the bonnet. Since then they seem to be everywhere. Bright yellow cars. Fiat seems to be leading the way in this shocking super mini colour trend. It sort of makes sense. I suppose high visibility cars would lead to fewer accidents. Heck why not make cars glow-in-the-dark if that’s what the manufacturers are after.

Seriously though keep your eyes peeled – I’m sure it’s a conspiracy. Yellow cars are out there see if you can spot some!

A Yellow Car Fan Club


P.S. Amusingly as I planned this blog yesterday I discovered one of my top DJ friends has just been given a company car - oh yes it's bright yellow oh and blue... oh and white. I possibly won't be accepting any lifts of her in the near future ;)

So it finally happened. Yesterday I turned 25.

So far I’ve spent 3/5 of my life in education.

2/5 in employment (the same company for all of that time)

1/5 Writing and hosting Bar Wars

I’ve spent 1/7 of my life in my current relationship

I’ve achieved a degree, a level three NVQ, 3 Alevels, 8 GCSE’s and a green swimming badge. (Never my strength – I had to be rescued from the pool during my lifesaving award!)

I’ve hosted my own radio show & appeared on The Big Breakfast.

I’ve DJ’d for Timmy Mallet and been Atomic Kitten’s Warm Up act.

I’ve been best man and had one of my cartoons published in the local paper.

I’ve ridden Nemesis, Air, Colossus, Inferno & The Big One all at the front in the dark.

And thanks to my girlfriend I can now experience freshly ground Starbucks Coffee in my own living room – thanks to the Burr Coffee Bean Grinder she bought me. Yummy.

Not bad for 25 years

Bookworm

Personally I find there is nothing better than a really good book. A page-turner that you really can’t put down. One that is so vivid it comes alive in your mind and takes you on a thrilling journey really involving you with the characters. But then comes the completion. You turn the last page and it ends. Usually the better the book the poorer the ending, though sometimes they do have good resolutions.

I have just finished reading the DaVinci Code by Dan Brown. According to the media it is the most exciting novel since Hogwarts School first opened its doors and I have to agree with them. The book is fantastic, a gripping Thriller that sees the two heroes on a race to evade capture from the French police for a crime they didn’t commit. Along the way they try and unravel the mystery of the Holy Grail and boy what a ride. Obviously the story and characters are fictional but if the research that Dan Brown has carried out into the Grail is true then it really could shatter the Catholic Faith. The problem is that the Davinci Code’s line between fact and fiction is very blurry.

It took me just two days to complete the novel – it was that good – but now I have a vacuum in my life. I hate it when you finish a great book. I was really enjoying getting stuck into it. Sure I’ve got plenty of other books to read but somehow they don’t seem as compelling. Part of me wants to trawl the net and see if I can find evidence for the conclusions in the Code. Try to find out if what elements of Brown’s tale is true but then what if I discover it really is all fiction, it would shatter the enjoyment of what I just read.

Anyway, trust me give into the media hype and find yourself a copy. It might just change the way you think…


The Mysterious Rosslyn Chapel - One of the key locations in the DaVinci Code

The Knights Templar - Guardians of The Grail?

A Year Of Blogging, A Page of Thoughts...

Oh yes, this is a new look to my Blog. As tomorrow sees the 1st anniversary of creating this site I thought it was in need of a spruce up. I’ve gone for a nice fresh blue – you like? So in the 365 days since the creation of this Blog I’m ashamed to say I’ve only managed to make just over 100 posts. Is my life really that interesting that only one third of it needs documenting?

I created this Blog in honour of my 24th Birthday. On Saturday I will be 25 and proud to say that despite a few lapses over Xmas and during a Spanish vacation last year I’ve surprised myself by keeping the Blog going. On the first post one year ago I announced a sweepstake to see how long it’d last. I definitely wouldn’t have won.

I want to better my Blogging in the next 365 days but that remains to be seen.

So if keeping a diary was my 24th Birthday ambition how will I improve my self to mark my 25th year? To be honest I’d love to possess more drive. I wouldn’t call myself lazy – just laid back. When I get into habits I find them very easy to keep – perhaps why I rarely rise before 10am and perhaps why I’m still doing the same job I’ve had since 17. (Well – I do have a bit more responsibility!) For instance I know – if I wanted to – I could break into radio. Problem is it involves travelling and promoting yourself and I just can’t find the time to do it. I loved my time on Hereford Local Radio and, if they’ll have me, can’t wait for a second stab later this year. I kid myself that two or three years down the line they’ll go full time and I’ll walk into a job there. Well this is possible and I hope it does become true but there is of course the small fact they have to obtain a full license from Ofcom – which others could also bid for and win. There’s also the fact that if they did go full time they’d want tried and tested jocks rather than some geezer who’s had a few RSL experiences.

A good friend of mine was at pains a few weeks ago to motivate me but it just didn’t work. I tend to shut off when people compliment me, I just consider myself an average guy and nothing special. There is a pang of jealousy that she’s made it but that jealousy is coated in a large amount of happiness for her. But if I know I could be there too why don’t I do it?

Well that’s what I want to do for the next year. Try out a second RSL, get some experience at hospital radio and then, perhaps in 365 days I could be writing blogs in a cosy little radio studio. Then again this computer chair is soooo comfy…

Gourmet Salty Snacks

When did crisps become posh? When I was little I remember summer evenings in beer gardens with my parents and the choice being simple – red green or blue (and if the pub stocked Walkers you’d end up with Salt ‘N’ Vinegar instead of the preferred Cheese ‘n’ Onion.)
Today I walked into the local paper shop to purchase said paper and lunchtime potato based snack. The choice was overwhelming. Not only did you have a choice of flavours but you also had the choice of a multitude of brands within brands. Pringles isn’t good enough you now have Pringles Dippas or Pringles Minis. Walkers aren’t good enough – you have to pick from regular, Max, Stax, Sensations, Potato Heads or now the new Nobby’s Chip Shop Range. There’s McCoys and McCoys specials – not mention McCoy’s Spice.
That’s just the brands – what about the flavours. Three simple ones isn’t good enough these days. In the 80s flavours diversified with Prawn Cocktail and Beef & Onion. In the 00’s you have Balsamic Vinegar, Rib-Eye Steak & Pepper, Thai Green Grass & Beansprout(!?) and Lamb & Mint Sauce. Where will this lunacy end? I’ve already seen Vanilla Flavour Monster Munch and have heard rumours of Chocolate flavour crisps.

Crisps are by far my favourite food products, if it wasn’t for them I’d be at least two stone lighter but please, oh please can this flavour lunacy end. I dread the day Walkers release Roast Llama and Pringles proudly display their Spicy Triceratops range…

Check out new flavours here!

Talking B*llocks

I was given the all clear today over the small lump that has decided to set up home in my scrotum. It is a weight off my mind as although you reassure yourself it won’t be serious you then start to ask yourself ‘why won’t it be serious.’ After all I’m not special, I’m just another human being why should I be immune to cancer just because I’m me? It is a human tendency to think ‘Oh it’ll never happen to me’ whether it is about illness, burglary, car accident etc. But why shouldn’t it? Even so I was happy to be told it was nothing harmless and I can, if I wish, have it removed. To be honest I quite fancy just leaving it – me and my lump. I’ll be like the opposite of Hitler.

What did make me laugh was the doctors comment as I left the clinic. He told me once again that it was up to me if I wanted it removed. “The ball is in your court,” he said, without even smirking. Was it unintentional? I don’t know but it had me giggling for the next half-hour.

Thirst Quenching

I had a Panda Pops today, remember those? Neon coloured drinks that only your school tuck shop seemed to sell. Weird flavours like bubble gum or blueberry. Today’s sample was “Grape & Apple” Th Nostalgic out there will be pleased to hear that in the 15 or so years since Panda Pops last passed my lips things haven’t changed – they still taste like shit.

My Life Is A Hollyoaks plot line.

It really is. Actually found it funny last week when one of the characters discovered the same thing I discovered before Christmas it’s just annoying that his Health service seems a lot quicker than mine!

While the Hollyoaks character seems to be taking things bad, I’m not. I have my test next week then I’m sure there will be more waiting which is the worst bit really.

Having an odd lump in an odd place is weird. You’d think you’d shit your self like Mr Hollyoaks is. (I don’t know the characters name as I can’t stand soaps but it is the one my girlfriend likes and to be fair there are attractive women in it so I find it easier to sit through than the disgrace to television that is Eastenders.) But I’m not scared. There’s no point worrying unless your GP says it’s serious which they haven’t yet. It could be a dozen other things so I’m not getting stressed yet. Even if the worst does come to the worst it has the highest success rate with, I believe, 95% of Testicular Cancer cases treatable.

Still, men if you’re reading this you must takes these things seriously. My doctor was actually thankful that I’d come as soon as I found it. She said how most blokes would ignore it until it did get serious then it could be too late. There's nothing to be embarassed about, they're doctors they've seen it all before!

Anyway I highly recommend this site;

Answers all your questions in a straight to the point no bollocks way. Which is funny as bollocks is exactly is what it’s about!


Oh well what's the life changing event from last week I hear you cry? Well I would love to have announced it today but it seems the deals off. So might have to wait a few weeks... *Evil Laugh*

Vinyl Envy

I envy my father. He comes from an era where a record collection was truely a record collection. Stacks and stacks of vinyl from 7-inch to 12-inch leading to the impressive display in the living room that I used to thumb through in my youth. Back then the names were unfamiliar, silly and strange. Now though I recognise them as music greats. The Temptaions, Howard Jones, Bee Gees, Taj Mahal. Gorgeous covers with a slightly musty smell.

Now record collections run the risk of being nothing more than a track list on your computer hard drive. A little grey (or pink or green) box you carry around with those oh so stylish white headphones. ( I refuse to wear those head phones. They’re actually very tinny and say quite freely to potential muggers ‘ohhh look I have an iPod.’)

A lot of my friends say I have an amazing record collection. “Wow you name it, you’ve got it.” At a gig last night a customer was really impressed saying he’d never seen such a variety. I am, however, reminded of the saying quality not quantity. This is where dad-envy comes in. You see my dad’s collection was a proper collection, artist albums. These days most collection are made up of compilation albums. It is often the easiest way to get music you want. Gone are the works of art that used to grace the cover, sure the covers are a lot smaller these days but now lack the striking collages of Sgt Pepper or the simple striking imagery of Dark Side Of The Moon. Instead you see the easy way out – photos of the artists and that’s about it.

When I’m older I will have, and already have, a very large CD collection. But I doubt it’ll evoke the same nostalgia as that of my dad’s.

Don't Go Changing....

The last week in February always seems fated to be life changing for me.

In 2000 it was the week that I first hosted my pub quiz. Five years ago I never imagined that I’d still be hosting it in 2005. It’s become part of my life now, out growing its ‘bit-of-fun-to-earn-me-money-while-I-complete-university’ and actually becoming something I look forward to weekly. Its my baby. Awww.

Also in the final week of February 2000 I was diagnosed with glandular fever – it hit me hard. I had to leave uni for two months and it took me a year to fully recover. It changed the way I looked on life. The night of March 1st 2000 was – to this day – the longest night I’ve experienced. I suffered an allergic reaction to the medication and had to put up with 24 hours of vomiting, sleeplessness (for some reason I became insomniac for that month) as well as three times during the night the Halls fire bell ringing. The entire population of 30 students had to evacuate each and every time. My the third time I was really in no fit state and was physically carried out by some friends – good job I was about 2 stone lighter in those days.

In February 2002 the final week brought the decision to quit teaching. I just knew I had to. It saw me returning to my old job, old city and old life – but also new happiness.

February 2004 saw me ready to quit the above job. I filled out an application for assistant manager of a new record/music shop. Something I’ve always fancied doing. I got to the front door of the shop ready to hand the form in but something told me the time wasn’t right. I did go into the shop – but chose to purchase a box set of the Toy Story films rather than attempt a change of career. I don’t why I made that decision but I’m gald I have – my current job will be getting a lot more interesting in the next 12 months.

So what did the final week of February 2005 bring? Well it’s the biggest decision I’ve ever made in my life. A decision I will inform you of another time….

Devon Guide - Day Two

Back in November I promised to write a guide to my week in Devon. Unfortunately after writing up Day One my hard drive died and I lost all my work. However I’ve decided now is time to try and carry on this look at our week down South.

On Day Two we left Exmouth again to journey to Paignton. I had visited this small town with my parents in 1995 and looked forward to returning. Our first stop was Paignton Zoo. I was sceptical at first, the last Zoo visit with my girlfriend had been a sheer disappointment however Paignton Zoo was far far superior. The animal enclosures were large and sprawling with good viewing areas. The animals seemed happy and there was plenty of information dotted around the park. The park itsself was modern and tranquil, a haven for wildlife and a novel approach to exhibiting the wildlife meant you could actually walk through some enclosures.





The zoo was established in 1923 and in the last 10 years has changed dramatically to display animals and plant-life in six different naturalistic habitat areas. What also amazed me were some houses that backed right on to the zoo. How amazing must it be to throw open your bedroom curtains every morning to be greeted by grazing camels or the chatter of monkeys!

Following our Zoo tour we journeyed into Paignton. It seems my childhood memories of a sunny smiley seaside town were somewhat hazy. We were greeted with a grey dreary rundown town. The main street I remembered as a parade of shops topped of by a railway cutting past Woolworths turned out to be row upon row of tacky novelty shops. When I was 15 it seemed cool to have a train blocking the top of the road every ten minutes. Now it seemed an annoyance. We trekked through the town and found the watering hole, The Inn On The Green, that I fondly remembered utilising with my parents. Sadly they didn’t serve afternoon meals so hunger forced us to the nearest KFC.






As the skies open and fatigue from the long walk around the Zoo took a hold we decided to head back to Exmouth. A flash of inspiration halfway home found us journeying into Exeter in search of the Megabowl. We spent a fun hour bowling in a very nice bowling centre before returning to the hotel for a boozy evening in the bar.

Birthdays...

Happy birthday today goes to my girlfriend, Jenny! Much love to you, but why oh why so close to St Valentines! Grrr!

Randomness

Please, please, please for my own sanity when you knock down all the pins on your first bowl it is called a Strike. When you do it on your second ball it is a spare. It is not, never will be and never has been an 'half-strike'. Got that? Good. Oh and please stop dumping your stinking shoes on front of the reception desk right in front of my nose - put them on the side of the desk, yes that's right the side. Next to that sign that says 'please return shoes HERE.'

Life would be so much simpler would that customers follow these two simple rules.


Oh and today - good news I finally made my own Mocha that tasted equal with that of Starbucks. Perhaps my Irn Bru cold turkey will be easier to handle.

Barrs Barred

There has been an ironically cruel twist of fate…

The company that supplies mine with its Irn Bru announced this week it will ‘de-list’ the product when its current stock runs out. This means, in turn we will no longer be stocking Irn Bru!! Arrrgh!

One of the technicians, another manager and I are the only ones bothered by the situation. We want to start a revolution (ironically the name of the ride Irn Bru sponsors at Black pool Pleasure Beach - the same ride that famous Jim'll Fix It was carried out on for a group of cub scouts!) but it seems we are being punished for such thoughts. Oh well as long as Tesco doesn’t decide to end sales of Irn Bru I suppose I will have to suffice.


Dumb Question Of The Week;
Perhaps you had to be there but I did have an embarrassing fit of the giggles upon my weekly KFC visit today. A customer came in walked straight up to the counter and asked. “Can I have some chicken please?” The look upon the staff members face was priceless and the look that only a restaurant which sells nothing but chicken could give in return to said request.

It's about time...

 

Yes I am still upset about Enterprise being cancelled but as one visitor pointed out I should be happy that the other great Science Fiction franchise is returning this year. Yes in Mid-March Dr. Who returns to our screens, and how cool do the Daleks look! It's like Pimp My Robot with all that bling!

 

Boldly Gone...

It really is the end of an era – especially, if like me, you’re a Trekker.

Yesterday it was announced that Star Trek: Enterprise will be finishing at the end of this, its fourth season. Okay, that’s not so bad. Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager all finished. What’s worrying is that this time as Enterprise finishes nothing will replace it. It is the first time since 1987 that no new televisual Star Trek will be in production. That’s 17 years and over 620 episodes coming to an end.

Part of me is glad. In the last few years the franchise has been looking tired and Nemesis, in my view, is one of the worst Trek films. It is the fact that I’ve been following the voyages of the Enterprise, Voyager and Defiant since I was 7 means that it’s going to seem like a void not to have a regular dose of new episodes. Yes I have the DVDs and I will relish the opportunity to really get to know the old episodes as I don’t have to worry about keeping up to date and despite a certain amount of relief that the tired voyages of Captain Archer have now ended I’m already anticipating the time that Paramount announce the return of Star Trek.

Live Long & Prosper.

Reviewing The Fockers

I’d been looking forward to Meet The Fockers for sometime. The first film, Meet The Parents, was thoroughly enjoyable and after numerous DVD rewatches I was highly anticipating the sequel. It was great to see the characters in a fresh story but sadly it didn’t seem as pleasant as the original. The pace slower and there seemed to be a lot of missed opportunity. Also there was the introduction of Jack’s grandson. While he had mild comic value the youngster soon started to grate through overuse. Why does Hollywood feel the need for cute kids in films and TV shows?

Gaylords parents, played by Dustin Hoffman & Barbara Streisand were brilliant – in fact all the acting was great it’s just the film seemed slow and overlong. Also it seemed to lack a purpose with the movie stopping rather than ending. I hope the rumoured part three, ‘Little Fockers’, never materialises as it will serve to only further dilute what was a wonderful original.

A Storm Bruing

My plan to boost Irn Bru to the status of a truly recognised soft drink may have been thwarted last night. Not only is our soda fountain malfunctioning at work meaning the rivers of Bru have run dry but I have also discovered the taste of brand new Pepsi Max twist. It’s the brown stuff infused with Lemon & Lime and it’s very, very yummy.

Sorry Barrs, you’re on your own...

Let's Stamp Out Drinkism

After just sampling KFC yummy mini-fillet I decided I wanted a drink. Sadly like all other fast food boutiques unless you like brown stuff or clear stuff you don’t have much choice in the liquid refreshment area. Quite frankly I have had enough. I think it is time we united and started a soft drink cause. The aim? To get the lurid glowing orange liquid, made in Scotland from Girders, known as Irn Bru the recognition it deserves. In Scotland it is a recognised hang over cure. In Russia it is one of the most popular soft drinks yet in England it seems to lag. Yes it may be full of sugar and yes it may be an unnatural colour but it is also very refreshing and, I feel, would go will with fast food meals in golden arches and finger licking good joints around the country.


It’s not only Fast Food that snubs this great drink. Pubs don’t offer it on their hideous drink guns (which always seem to alter the taste of your favourite brands) and supermarkets seem almost embarrassed to sell it. Rows upon rows of the dark brown liquid and just six or so bottles of Irn Bru hidden away at the end of the shelf. Even the Government once shunned Irn Bru. During World War 2, Irn Bru was not recognised as a "standard drink" by the Government, so disappeared from the shelves of shops for the duration of the war.


I’m proud to say that my constant pestering of my bar manager finally convinced them to stock it where I work – which has made my lunch breaks a happier time. Do you know what? It’s selling better than the clear liquid, 1 up from 6 that it replaced!

So Irn Bru fans unite, the movement starts here!

Some more Irn Bru Facts

Celebrating A Life

A sad week this week – Just over a week ago my girlfriend received the awful news that her gran had died. Thursday just gone we buried her. Attending the funeral was fascinating for me. I’ll openly say I have no personal interest in religion but to experience my first ever Catholic service I’m glad to say I quite enjoyed – despite the sombre occasion.

Firstly the church was stunning, though I’m not a big fan of religion I do admire its architecture. It was a large church with ugly large grey blocks on the outside, what made it stand out was it’s huge domed roof. Inside it was gleaming white walls with the dome a stunning rich blue with a few golden stars. There was marble everywhere, and, unlike a lot of churches it was warm and welcoming.

Secondly the service was personal. It is only my second funeral but I’ve heard horror stories of clergymen preaching the bible rather than celebrate the life of whom the congregation are meant to be mourning. No the service was a lot more personal and I felt closer to ‘grannie’ thanks to it.

The burial was the tear jerking moment. Seeing my girlfriend & her family so upset was painful and led to my eyes watering – though this may have also been brought on by one of the coffin bearers just escaping slipping 6ft under.

There was also the Vicar’s overuse of the word ‘dust’ which just had me thinking of Little Britain’s Fat Fighting classes. (Don’t worry I kept that to myself, well until now..)
Finally the Wake, which took place at the school the dearly departed had founded. Again it was perfect with family members laughing, joking and sharing happy memories – how it should be.
It’s scary though how funerals make you realise how little time you have on this planet but if can achieve even half as much as ‘grannie’ did in her life I will be a happy man.

WTF?!

What was the advertising copyrighter thinking when they thought – I know, Diet Coke…. Turtle. Diet Coke Turtle. Seriously what is the link? Next we’ll have porcupine’s advertising cheese and Black and Decker drills being advertised by elephants.

Weird.

The Coolest Girl...

Becky is the coolest girl in the world.

Well I had to post something didn't I, and that was her suggestion. I will however do a more expanded update ASAP, so don't worry I haven't collapsed into a gutter of the festive period!

Twas The Noon Before Xmas

I’m on such a low at the moment. I’ve just come from the radio station where I’ve completed my fortnight long stint as late breakfast show host. I was on such a high, and now the contrast of emotions is weird.

I’m unhappy because I’m no longer a radio DJ and I’m unhappy because I’ve neglected this Blog! Hopefully the near future will bring some more radio work, I’ve already stuff lined up but it all seems so far far away.

It’s weird to feel so down on Xmas Eve which is normally one of my favourite days of the year hopefully meeting up with old friends over the next few hours will right my ways but until then normal life just seems bland compared to the whirlwind of the last few weeks.

Smeg On Air

So what was that exciting news from the other day? Well I didn’t jinx it and I have now done something that I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve had a go at radio. A brand new local radio station launched last week so I emailed offering to help – I expected to do some behid the scenes stuff and work my way up but on the first day they gave me an on-air audition. Whatever I did I seemed to do it OK as I have had two slots since – yesterday I was on air for four hours. I’m awaiting call back for later this week but have loved every minute!

On another bright note my run of good Christmas gigs continues. Friday night was a blinder with the dance floor full throughout the night. Yesterday, although we had smaller numbers, again I kept the floor alive! Friday: 9/10 Saturday 8/10

Itching To Say...

My head is spinning with a dizzying amount of contrasting emotions at the moment;. Fear, Joy, Nervousness & Excitement are all rampaging through my brain. I want to tell you all and shout out the exciting news but at the same time I don’t want to say much in case things fall through.
One of my ambitions in life has always been to work in radio. Not to be famous, but just because the thought of sitting there and sharing music with people excites me. Tomorrow, I might have the opportunity to do just that as I’ve been invited down to a new local radio station that is starting up. I’ll fill you in as soon as I can, but for now – wish me luck!

PC Worl.. Won't

So last week my PC died – the hard drive corrupted. I took it to PC world and asked for it to be fixed. "Sorry we don’t fix PC’s here" said the patronising Italian technician. "So why is there a huge sign above your head advertising PC Repairs from £50?" I inquired. He didn’t answer me properly and just started rabbiting on about the hotline number I should ring. He told me I had a virus and patronised me by telling me I should have virus protection as the net is a dangerous place. Then he told me not to worry. Not to worry? I’ve only lost all my data, hey no worries.
So if your PC breaks down don’t bother with PC World, apparently they don’t fix PCs….

Djing on an open fire.

This weekend saw my first corporate Christmas functions. In theory Xmas dos are easy money. People are there to party – nothing else. Also the age range isn’t as wide as family parties. You have no toddlers, no kids requesting Busted, no stroppy teens requesting awfulness like Scooter and Three of a Kind and no over 60s who think they’re being cool requesting Agadoo. Instead you have an age range of 18 to 50ish meaning it is easier to target the music you play. Also as it isn’t a family gathering the punters are keener to dance rather than spending hours catching up. It should be easy right?

Wrong.

The problem is you are governed by the catering team and have to wait until all the food is served before the volume is cranked up. With up to 160 people being fed this means one half of the room finish first and get bored waiting for me to start and thus start to leave for the local clubs. This year I’ve got a few games up my sleeve – play your cards right, mystery years etc which is helping to combat last years mass desertion. So far I’ve had my third best Xmas gig ever. Friday was 8/10 and Saturday 7/10. (Sorry but the 2001 Chelt Xmas ball and 2001 Ford Corporate bash at Cheltenham Racecourse topped this weekend!)

I've Missed You

Typical, another week where Smeg hasn't posted. Why does he even bother having a Blog when he doesn't maintain it? Well I really wanted to, I was planning a while series of posts about my Devon exploits then - last Saturday morning my hard drive died. Everything I'd ever done on PC lost forever....

It's weird losing a computer. I kept telling myself to back everything up but never did and thus now in this world of communication and data I was dataless.

I missed having access - for a while week I had to fight the urge to flick on the PC - even if I did I'd be greeted with a blue screen. Every day I'd make mental notes top check something out online a trivial fact hear a world event there. For 5 whole days I didn't have the luxury.

Oh and there's my experience with PC World, but I'll tell you about that tomorrow. Tonight I'm off to DJ my first corporate Xmas party. Jingle Bells...

Devon Guide - Day One

Today we trekked the hour and a bit journey from our Exmouth hotel to Plymouth. I had been warned by a friend about this historical city. He said it was a dump and was bound to offer some miserable experiences. Entering the city certainly seemed to prove his opinion. It was grotty. Grey and industrial everywhere. We voyaged into Plymouth past an odd looking Sainsbury’s and a mass of pampas grass.

Our first stop was at the National Marine Aquarium. This huge modern building dominates the harbour and was funded largely by a Lotto grant. This building is dedicated to educating the masses about water, oceans and marine life.

The displays were stunning – far superiors to many aquariums I’ve visited before. It even holds Europe’s largest tank. A dizzying 10.5 metres deep, the tank holds 2.5 million litres of warm seawater, including the adjoining life support systems, this volume increases to 3.3 million litres. The tank is especially designed to house a wide range of creatures from circling sharks to stealthy moray eels. There is also a second panoramic Atlantic Reef set in a hall that makes it look like something out of a 007 film. The rich blues and variety of colours from the sea life made staring at these huge walls of water a hypnotic experience.

After spending the morning there and enjoying one of the tastiest burgers I’ve ever eaten at a waterfront bar we ventured into Plymouth for some Xmas Shopping. The centre was undergoing a massive redevelopment scheme but even with that amount of disturbance I found the City to be a clean and pleasant experience – far from the grot I was expecting thanks to my friends advice. We did have the worst Mocha ever from Plymouth Costa but we also got loads of stuff from the huge Debenhams store. We had wanted to visit Plymouth Dome and Smeaton’s Tower, but sadly they were closed.

In the evening we headed back towards the Hoe and the Plymouth Gin Distillery this was a fascinating tour around the distillery and included some samples and history of the product. We even sat in the bar that the Pilgrim Father’s sat in on the eve of setting sail in the Mayflower to America.

After this we made the return trip back to Exmouth after enjoying a great day out. Plymouth had a lot to offer the average tourist and we were annoyed that the Dome – an interactive history of Plymouth – was closed. Still it gives us a reason to make a return visit!

Possibly the best gig of the year last night, the atmosphere just clicked and whatever I played just worked, I managed to get the atmosphere to go up and down and work the crowd well and felt quite chuffed with my self. I would have awarded last night the first ever 10/10 of 2004 except for the usual moron who didn't understand that a severe shift in the style of music would dampen things. This meant with just half an hour to go I all most emptied the dance floor - just 6 people left. Luckily I put things back on track and by the end everyone was having a good knees up to New York New York. It's not often I come home feeling completely happy with the evening but last night was pretty much there! 9.47 out of 10!

A Blog's life...

Don't worry I haven't forgotton about my planned Devon week on the Blog, I Just want to do a bit of research before I start so I get my facts right.

In the meantime I wanted to find something else to Blog about. What worries me is that I haven't. Is my life that boring that I can't even fill up an occaisional post on here? Got up, went to town, did some Xmas shopping, had a Starbucks, got home, watched Band Aid and now online. Predicatable.

So I think a resolution for 2005 is to make life more interesting. But how do I do it? Finally summon up the courage to become a home owner? Change of career? Perhaps try and travel more or try and broaden my social life? Perhaps I coulue, no thanks whatsoever to the Democratic standard-dropper, John Kerry."

Back For Good

I've been away for the last week, not because I deliberately was neglecting my Blog but simply because I was on holiday and could find no net access. Not to worry as I had an enjoyable week with my girlfriend in Devon and, for the next week, will use my Blog to promote what to do if you ever find your self there. Just give me a few hours to sort out my photos!

Burning The Bush

In yesterday’s The Times (now all diddy and compact thank God, it’s so much easier to read during lunch break as it now actually fits on the table!) Tony Blair issued a statement that the world should accept that George W Bush is here for another four years. He told us not to worry, that this second term will be a great time for America and the world.

The fact that the leader of Britian is telling the world not to worry that Bush has won a second term is precisely why I’m worrying.

Never before has one world leader had to reassure the globe about a fellow world leader. What the heck is that about?! It’s like saying, "yeah I know his first term saw him cause complete global chaos as he further divided the east and west through two major wars and ignored the UN, but he’s a laugh, chill dudes…"

What’s worse is that there is no way he can be re-elected so it now doesn’t matter what he does because he doesn’t have to impress the US people and try and win the second term. He can do anything…

Isn’t that scary?

Thank you America.

Thank you for re-electing a moron.

Thank you for putting the whole world's safety into another four years of jeopardy as he promotes his war on terror ruse to fund more safe oil supplies.

Thank you for ensuring that our moron-of-a-Prime-Minister spends even more time licking your moron-of-a-presidents arse.

Thank you.

Busy Week Behind

Last week was the first time I had to spend a week away from my girlfriend since leaving university in 2002. I imagined I’d have a long empty week – instead I had an empty blog. I ended up being busier than normal with a few extra shifts at work and planning for our Halloween spectacular yesterday – which went very well! I also got the chance to catch up with some old friends and spend the night out.

My main memory of the week though has to be last Sunday when, for the first time ever I had to do the train thing. I waved my girl friend off from Platform 4 – just like in the movies, mouthing I loved her and walking slightly up platform with the movement of the train. As she left the clouds opened and it poured down, pretty much mirroring my emotions. David Lean couldn’t have filmed it any better!

Sheer Ap-Peel

In the last decade the art of being a DJ has changed dramatically. Names like Westwood, Lisa Lashes, Pete Tong and Judge Jules ensured that it was no longer about the music. People flocked, not to hear the music, but to see the DJ. To witness how tunes were mixed and mashed up on the DJ’s whim. While I admire some of these DJ’s for their sheer technical excellence I have never admired their disrespect for the music – how they consider themselves bigger than the artists they play. To me that is not what Djing is about.

When I DJ I hold my hands up and admit that my technical expertise could probably be matched by a four year old, but as far as I’m concerned I’m there to play music – not to show off.

I’m often asked whom I admire as a DJ. Two people always spring to mind – the first being Sir Jimmy Saville. This may shock you but was the first true live DJ. In 1943 he hit up on the idea of playing records live, he was the first person to use two turntables and an amplifier and played records by Glenn Millar and Harry James throughout Mecca Ballrooms nation-wide.

The second person is considered to be one of the UK music scenes most influential people. John Peel. He championed the music and never ever let celebrity take hold of him. He used to kid new Radio One DJ’s that he was the office bin man but secretly they all knew who he was – he was the reason they got into radio. John Peel had no arrogance when it came to music, he realised that all music had potential and he spent his life celebrating any musical sound that deviated slightly from pop. Many Indie bands owe their careers to him but he’d never admit it. In fact he would hate the fact that I’d just written that.

Sadly, yesterday John Peel died suddenly from a heart attack. The UK Music industry has lost one of its biggest assets and UK radio has lost one of its best voices.
John Peel RIP.

Smells Like a Teen Idiot

I haven’t been adding reviews of my DJ gigs lately because they’ve all been pretty normal nights. Until now. Last night I DJ’d a joint 18th for three people. In the week before one of the group had requested plenty of Rock music which I was happy to cater for – it’s good stuff. On the night though it just didn’t get people dancing. I started playing chart – Kelis, Rachel Stevens, Eric Prydz etc and soon people were packing the dance floor.

"Oi, what’s going on – I’ve asked for a rock party." Said the one birthday boy. I explained that it wasn’t getting the atmosphere going and I’d noticed people were leaving so I was trying to balance it out with some chart stuff.

"I don’t care, I’ve asked for rock and it’s my party!" was his snotty response. So I started playing stuff he’d asked for – Rainbow, Kiss, Guns & Roses and yet again the dance floor emptied. People started asking for more chart, Black Eyed Peas, Deep Dish so I put it back on and dance floor filled then once again birthday boy came and complained.

I pointed out that there were two other people celebrating their birthdays at this party and that guests were asking for more dance & chart he was the only one asking for Rock. Sadly he was such a selfish moron he was determined to just have a party for himself and a handful of his friends who were head-banging. His attitude was that of ‘f*ck the 150 or so guests.’
So I played just rock. I admit it was all great stuff and tracks I’d happily listen to but it was completely killing the night so I became bored. Guests left and it was just the moronic head-bangers left. King Tw@t ended the night by smashing up a chair – a bit stupid considering we have his bank details and will now quite happily charge him for the damage he caused.
So one arrogant sh*t ruined and 18th for two other people and eventually ended up ruining it for himself. It was worth it just to see him leg it like a girl when security saw him smashing the chair.

3/10

Newsagent Annoyance

WHSmith this week reported more profit warnings. It is a stark time for one of the nations most famous brands with specialist shops like Waterstones, Rymans and HMV wrestling in on its lines. There’s also the threat of online shops such as Amazon and Play.

I used to love WHSmith, before I discovered the (cheaper) joys of online shopping it was where I bought all my music and videos. Now I use it simply as a newsagents although it’s no longer much good as that. Magazines I used to buy have disappeared from it’s shelves. Source, a cocktail and drinking guide I now have to buy online and it also stopped stocking UFO Magazine (which has ceased publication since then anyway.) Now almost every time I visit the magazines are moved around occupying different shelves and a regular monthly merry-go round. Some weeks SFX and Star Trek are tucked away at the back and others their in a completely different area. Edge is often hard to find as is Fortean Times.

So there you Mr W H Smith that is why you’re losing money, it’s because you keep moving the magazines around! Human beings love routine and familiarity. When I walk into a shop I want to know exactly where I’m heading to to buy the product I want. Sadly they’ve lost my custom now, I can pick up the Times in Starbucks and a smaller shop down the road has a fantastic range of magazines which are always in the same shelf space every week!

It’s not 9-5 you know…

At last, after a year of waiting tonight we finally discover if Tom is double agent. Is Harry in on the operation or was it a set up from Christine Dale all along? The last time we saw him Tim Quinn was disappearing into the North Sea with his life destroyed by a secret CIA operation and we’ve had to wait until 9pm tonight to find out if we’ll see him again. Sadly I’m working and have to set the video so please, don’t tell me, don’t spoil the surprise. Please? Thanks!

A Shat Album

Imagine my surprise about three weeks ago when I tuned into Dermot O’Leary’s Saturday club on BBC Radio 2. I heard a fantastic rendition of Pulp’s Common People. Then the following week Chris Moyles played it every day on his breakfast show. It grew on me until I reached the point when I had to get hold of a copy.

So who was the artist behind this five-minute musical delight. None other than William ‘Captain Kirk’ Shatner. In the 1970s he released his own album; The Transformed Man which was, well, a bit of a joke. Tuneless renditions of Beatles hits meant his musical career promptly ended. Anyway this week I wandered into my local Virgin Megastore (which is actually no bigger than your average toilet cubical) and there was his new album "Has Been" on the rack. I knew of the Shatmeister’s musical history and wondered if my love of his version of Common People warranted spending £13.99 but then I saw the list of supporting artists including Ben Fold and Lemon Jelly.

I bought it.

And? I love it. It’s different, it’s even a bit challenging – it’s also brutally honest and while Mr Shatner still can’t carry a tune he does carry some powerful lyrics about the loss of his wife and the loss of contact with his daughter. He challenges the view that he is thought of simply as James T. Kirk arguing he is so much more. He also mourns the fact that he is nearing the end of his life proclaiming in a fantastic blues/gospel track "Live each day like you’re going to die because one day you are."

So go and take a listen to it, I can honestly say I don’t think you’ll regret it. In fact I think I’m going to take another listen right now…

Grande Caramel Macchiato Please

Coming home from university two years ago was a time of mixed emotions. I was sad to be leaving friends behind, leaving a town that, over three years, had become a second home. Then again I was returning home to old friends and family and familiar surroundings.

There were two things that I would really miss about the town centre at uni. One was the superb HMV store which regularly fed my appetite for new music and DVDs. The other was the coffee-houses. They were a new phenomenon to me when I began uni in 1999 but I grew so fond of them I even ended up buying my own coffee machine. Cheltenham had Starbucks, two Costas an Italian Coffee Co and a Soho Coffee co. Lots of variety and lots of different Mochas.
So for the last two years my irregular visits to Cheltenham or Birmingham have been a blessing – a chance to visit a real coffee house, something Hereford has lacked – until this year.

Imagine my delight when Costa opened it’s door a few months ago. Gorgeous coffee and a gorgeous house! Then, like buses two came along at once. This week the Holy Grail – Starbucks finally got it’s barista's a brewing in Hereford. After two years it was a sheer disappointment. Sure the coffee was gorgeous, that familiar taste I’d missed but the surroundings were awful. The café is small and cramped. The tables no bigger than the plastic imitations you fed your teddies tea parties around when you were three. I missed the large airy surroundings of the Cheltenham branch with big comfy sofas and study tables for the next days assignment.

Looks like I’ll be drinking from a paper cup in the future.

It'll Be Alright On Tape

At last, another compilation of bloopers and gaffs was broadcast on ITV 1 last night. It may be cheap TV but I love It'll Be Alright On The Night and look forward to it every year. But like many I always make sure I deliberately record it so I can fast forward through the painfully unfunny Dennis Norden. When will ITV learn to prise the clipboard from his hand and send him packing. We don't want to see him, we just want the clips! You've Been Framed is the same - who cares about Lisa Riley, we just want to see people falling over and cute kittens doing oh so funny things with door handles and bits of string!

Not Seeing The Woods For The, Well, Tree...

You wouldn’t pay good money for an amateur plumber, you wouldn’t want to visit an amateur doctor and if you discovered it was an amateur pilot flying your plane you’d want to get off. So why do we go and see amateur dramatics? Why not pay a few quid more and go see some dramatics of the professional kind.

Last night I made my second ever visit to my city’s theatre to see an amateur musical. There was hardly any set, some singers missed their queue and others were slightly off key. Parts of it were cringeworthy, parts were mildly amusing but, being an avid hater of musicals (though oddly I enjoy The Little Shop Of Horrors) if I’m 100% honest I didn’t enjoy it. So why did I go I hear you ask? Well because one of my best mates had a part in the production – and it was worth every penny to get a good laugh at his attempt at singing. Suprisingly he played his part really well, a shock considering I never knew he had acting abilities.

So it’s a weird one, I really can’t say I thoroughly enjoyed it but I hate sounding so negative about a friends project – especially when he’s been so supportive of some of mine. So if you enjoy ‘am-dram’ or like musicals go check out ‘Into The Woods’ at Hereford Courtyard. But if I’m to be 100% honest, it just wasn’t my bag baby.

Mufti Day

So Trinny & Susannah return to television tonight. They are, perhaps, the worst side effect of the whole cult of celebrity that has exploded since 2000. What gives them the right to tell us what to wear?

I wear what I want to wear. If anyone tells me I don’t look fashionable or it doesn’t suit me then sorry but I don’t think they are the type of people I want to know in the first place. What we wear says a lot about our personality and it can define our image. By being told what to wear and succumbing to these slaves to fashion you are stripping away part of what makes you you.
It’s great to dress up, to look smart now and then but day to day I’m quite happy in something comfy even if that is a battered old pair of jeans and faded polo shirt!

Ever Decreasing Circles

When you were young you were obsessed with friendship. You probably made lists ranking all your friends with the hallowed title of ‘best’ friend changing every week. As you get older you come across more and more people and your extended circle of acquaintances gets wider. Sadly your close circle of friends seems to shrink. The last five years has seen that happen to me. Back in 1999 I had a close circle of 7 or 8 friends that I would spend most of my time with. University happened and they all went their separate ways. Over the five years it’s sad to say that I’ve pretty much lost contact with all of them – apart from one – my bestest of best mates. Now he has also moved on to a city about 25 miles away. It doesn’t seem like much but as I have no car it hinders things so I have resolved to make sure I make every effort to see him. Today was the first attempt and it went well, spending a lovely afternoon with him and catching up.

Three years ago I was best man to another close friend, he also moved away and sadly I lost touch with him, until yesterday when I bumped into his Mum who told me the bad news of his split. I just don’t want that to happen anymore. Life can be cruel and lonely – friends are what makes it rich and fun. I have lost too many friends in my twenties. It’s natural I suppose, we’re finding ‘other halves’ new lives and new careers in these important years but it is all too easy to lose sight of the important things.

So go on, got someone you haven’t seen for a while on your mobile phone directory? Text them, ring them, say hello. Tell them smeg sent you.

Drumming up an atmosphere

Just got back from tonight’s gig, an odd one at best. It was a 50th Birthday party and featured a wonderful crowd and an extremely talented live band. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t get it going this evening. Eventually after half an hour or so of faffing around I captured a crowd on the floor for a while as I dug out some classic 80s. I had them for the best part of an hour until I put on the Monkies. They usually work as a great sing-a-long but tonight they repelled. At the end of the evening the drummer from the live band did a 20 minutes solo. It was stunning stuff and left me amazed that such raw talent was left waiting to be discovered.

Overall nice crowd, nice atmosphere but I just didn’t get the party started. 6/10

Tally Ho!

So it seems that fox hunting has finally been given the axe. I must admit it’s an issue that has never particularly bothered me. I was shocked to see such violent clash between the supposedly civilised pro-hunt demonstrators and the police at Westminster yesterday and was even more shocked when my girlfriend got very vocal about the issue. "It’s another mistake made by the Governement." She complained. Usually she takes little interest in current affairs but she is pro-hunt with concerns over the welfare of the hunt dogs and the chipping away of traditional British life.

It got me thinking, what British traditions do I hold dear? The sad thing is I don’t. The culture of my generation – the under 25s is probably far less ‘British’ than the one of the generation above. If anything we’ve been influenced more by America. When we were young it was US cartoons that started trends – Ghostbusters, Turtles, Thundercats and Transformers. Films were all American. I’ve noticed that I pronounce advertisement, lieutenant and harass in the US preferred way and now music is dictated by American trends. Youth fashion is more US inspired than ever before with skater style loose pants commonplace. In my twenties I have idolised the characters of Friends as having ideal lives where realistically it should be the characters of Coronation Street or Emmerdale.

I sat and thought really hard and have decided there are only two British traditions that I can really claim I follow. That is I’m a lover of Fish ‘n’ Chips and enjoy a nice pint after work. Try banning those if you dare Mr. Blair!

Rude Awakening

I don’t have to be into work today at until 4pm so I felt I’d have a lie-in. This hope was shattered when I heard a loud crash and smash coming from outside the kitchen window. Bizarrely it seems that a window has fallen from the flat above and smashed onto the roof of the flat below.

How rude.

Remember, Remember, The 11th of September

So today is September 11th 2004. Events that happened three years ago have forever made this day a day of reflection, a day of remembrance and a day of memory
But do we honestly remember 911 for the right reasons? Do you really look back and think of the tragic human suffering? The people hurling themselves to death out of windows in an attempt to escape death?

That day watching the 24-hour news service it was as if Hollywood had come alive - it was the plot of dozens of action movies right in front of our eyes. Just like those movies, just like Die Hard, or Lord the Rings I feel that people don’t remember 911 because of the human element, they remember 911 because of the stunning 'special effects'.
On another note. Should do we have the right to mourn the people in 911 when our governments have used it as an excuse to go to war.

• 3000 People died in 911
• This week the 1000th US soldier died out in the Gulf.
• Since 911 the Bush government has been responsible for over 10,000 innocent deaths in the East.

Perhaps we should reflect on who the terrorists really are…

Limping around...

It seems my day off yesterday was wise. No sooner had I finished posting my blog that I got a severe shooting pain and discomfort from my ankle as the swelling increased. I called my mum, luckily a registered nurse, to come and have a look. I feared more severe damage but, happily, she diagnosed a severe sprain and left me some instructions to follow. After two hours the swelling had decreased.

Today I woke up to find mobility had increased greatly so decided to carry out some cleaning duties I had neglected yesterday. After half an hour of tidying the swelling has returned so shortly I will return to the sofa with Star Trek DVD’s in hand.
It’s not good – my girlfriend is hosting a dinner party for friends tonight, also I am Djing tomorrow. It’s a pain in the, well, ankle.

DJ Review Saturday 4th Dec.
Last Saturday I hosted a wedding which went very well. Good atmosphere despite one lardy cow shouting ‘put fucking Scooter on’ (I was very happy that, when I played said record, the dance floor cleared proving that my choice of sound was distinctly better than hers.) Luckily the Scooter fans soon upped and left, leaving the party to develop full swing. 8/10

Hmmm It's probably the size of a Squash Ball now...

Ankle Biter

In almost eight years of service to my current employer I have only ever had 4 days off sick. Three of which were in the last twelve months. Today is my fifth. I hate it. I hate phoning in sick. On November 11th last year I damaged my knee, yet still managed to get into work – hobbling around dosed up on painkillers. In February I had bad stomach pains. I made it to work but after 15 minutes started vomiting and was sent home.
I really feel that most illness is in the mind. People who take days of because of a cold irritate me. It’s pathetic. Last night though I got up too fast off the sofa and turned my ankle. This morning I awoke to find swelling the size of a golf ball and the ability to walk about as well drunken Essex-girl in white high heels.

I wanted to go to work, I tried walking around and around the flat to try and get my ankle working again but it is just not having it. So I’ve phoned in sick and I’m now bored. I’ve watched some of my Star Trek DVDs and some of Channel 4’s Teachers on DVD but I hate just sitting around not doing anything, especially when I know I’ve got loads to do at work.
The internet will distract me for a while, as will the fact I still have to write this week’s pub quiz. So an afternoon of listening to radio two and feeling like a pathetic moron is all I’ve got to look forward to.

Oh well I’d better keep it elevated. Also I know I want a cup of tea in half an hour – I’d better start walking to the kitchen now!

Names to faces?

Fifteen minutes ago, at 23.20 I left work and walked home via the local BP garage to buy some eggs. My girlfriend wanted me to bring some home from breakfast. (I always thought it was bring home the bacon!)

"Eggs? Normally piss-heads buy those at this time of night to chuck them around." Replied the girl behind the screen. I don’t know her name but she has served me almost every time I’ve stopped at the garage, on the way home, about once a week for the last few months. The thing is I don’t want to know her name. It would spoil things. We always share a joke, she always smiles then I disappear into the night as she deals with the drunkard wanting fags and crisps behind me.

It’s like the fat guy that always serves me in KFC. There’s the crap girl in McDonalds who serves me every time, always getting my order wrong. At first it was annoying but now I find it funny as I do a mental sweepstake as to which item she’ll forget. (Apple Pie last time) There’s the lovely older woman that always serves me in WHSmiths as I buy my Times or Star Trek mag. She asks how I am and comments on the weather. There’s the girl with puffy eyes in Pizza Hit or the guy with fuzzy ginger hair in Powerplay record shop who serves me up my weekly single releases. (No, I don’t like McFly, I need it for DJing. "That’s what they all say" is his usual reply.) There’s the barman in Wetherspoons who always says hello and knows what I want before I ask.

It’s funny how a survey a week or two ago said that the clone cites major UK chain stores were creating were lacking this personal interaction. Strange then that all the instances above are major UK chains.

I love this familiarity of life in my home city. I missed it when I went to Uni. Every face was one of a stranger. Towards the end of the first year I began to recognise faces but then had to start all over again as I moved out of Halls and into a house the other side of town. Coming home after three years of uni was a blessing and made me realise I wouldn’t leave again.

There’s no moral to this post, just that familiar, but nameless, faces are a great and underapprieciated part of life.

The Truth Is Just Left of Pisces

Exciting news came yesterday. It seems that ET may have phoned home. The SETI program (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) discovered an unknown single coming from somewhere near the Pisces constellation. (Cool – my own star sign could be the key to contacting alien life!)

So do aliens exist?

Well say there are 100 UFO sightings.

Personally I believe that out of these 100, 90 are completely explainable. Misidentified aircraft, planets, birds etc.

I reckon another 9 of them are military black projects being tested.

Then there’s that final 1. A genuine UFO. That’s what interests me. What is it? Who are they? Are they future time travellers observing us, aliens or people from another dimension?
The government love the UFO phenomenon and deliberately help to hype it by classifying files and creating an air of mystery around sites like Area 51. This means that they can then test top secret craft right above our heads knowing the public would rather believe it’s an alien spacecraft than a military craft.

Isn’t it a coincidence that the UFO phenomenon started just as the Cold War began – no, it isn’t it’s completely deliberate! Remember that the US didn’t reveal the Stealth Bomber for years, so now it’s common knowledge just imagine what the current secret jets are like… the so-called Aroura and the Silent Vulcan.

Area 51 houses nothing, thanks to the press frenzy about it in the mid 90s (largely thanks to Bob Lazar) I’m sure the military would have moved all the ground breaking experiments to another more secretive air base. If there is anything there it isn’t alien – it’s just our future!

Join the search for Alien life here!

Two fat ladies...

Last night I did something really enjoyable. My girlfriend and I went to bingo. What are two 24 year olds doing in a hall full of grannies I hear you ask? Well the truth is it’s not like that.
While I agree that a high percentage of the audience are eligible for a bus pass there were a lot of youngsters in the crowd. At least 40% were under 40. There were a lot of young girls 18 – 22 and suprisingly a lot more men than I thought would be there.

Another myth about Bingo is that it is a slow grannies game. Nope. It’s actually very fast and you can soon find yourself two or three numbers behind if you don’t keep up. If this happens you’re doomed because the minute the next number is called any claims for the previous number are void! Also these days the traditional bingo calls just do not happen, there are no 'fat ladies' and eleven has no 'legs'.

The jackpots are good too. Last night a house was £200
Oh and the final evidence that you should really give Bingo a go for a fun night out – it was only £1.10 a pint!!

A Pirate Adventure

Today I’m wracked with guilt. I did something naughty last night. I watched a bootleg DVD of Garfield the movie.

I’m a big fan of the movie industry – I love the whole process of movie making regularly following the progress of a films completion via websites like Dark Horizons. A good film can be sheer joy, transporting you to other times, worlds and lives. A good film will prompt a heavy post-cinema analysis with your mates in the nearest pub or car journey home. I remember years ago I watched a bootleg copy of The Lion King at a friends house. It was awful, blurry, colour was poor, sound was sporadic and there were the occasional shadows of people walking around in front of the screen throughout the film. That put me off pirates-copies for life. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to watch these awful versions of films when, for a few pounds they could watch it on a huge screen with fantastic sound, picture and a great atmosphere.
These days though Pirates aren’t so bad – don’t believe the propaganda being churned out by the anti-pirate corporations and film industry. Garfield was very clear – great quality and the sound was crystal clear and in full stereo.

So why did I feel so guilty? Well as I’ve said before I love the film industry. I love the huge spectacles that roll around. I love the films that make you think and I love supporting the talented individuals that create these films. But my viewing of Garfield illegally means they don’t get a single penny from my enjoyment of their movie. It’s only £5 to go to the cinema but if say, just 40 people have seen this DVD then the film-makers have lost out on £200.
I have decided that morally I should make up for it, so even though I felt Garfield was average – more a kids tale I will buy the official DVD when it comes out. But next time I’m interested in a movie it will definitely be Odeon Cinema providing my enjoyment – not a dodgy car boot trader…

When the going gets tough - quit?

The media is today commiserating Paula Radcliffe’s performance in the Athens Marathon. She is being hailed as a brave hero, a true champion.
Um,
Hello?
She is a loser, a quitter. She gave up. We are telling our children it’s ok to do this. ‘Oh life’s a bit hard is it son? Never mind just give up you’ll be a hero.’ It is totally the wrong message to be giving out. I cannot deny she is a fit athlete, she trained and trained and even by quitting she achieved more than my unhealthy body ever could. It is, however, utter rubbish that she is being called one of the best athletes of our time – she obviously isn’t otherwise she would have completed her race like all of her team-mates and many of her competitors.
Beckham, Southgate and many more are ripped to shreds when they miss penalties why isn’t Paula getting the same treatment? It’s media hypocrisy. Despite true feelings they want to follow what they feel is the public line – even if that line differs from the paper’s opinion they’ll still follow it, just so they make sure papers will be sold.
Well I’m not selling papers so I will be honest.
Sorry Paula you are a loser and you let the nation down…

In 2012 my true love gave to me, five multi coloured rings!

I don’t know Steve Redgrave. I have no personal interest in Matthew Pinset so why, yesterday morning, was there a lump in my throat?
The race was thrilling. Close all the way. Team Great Britain grasped rowing gold by just one 800’s of a second. It was a race that saw me shouting at my TV screen in excitement. Then, when they clinched victory I could have cried. Television was amplifying the raw emotion that must have been felt in that team GB boat.
It’s one reason I like television. Good evocative programming can create and amplify emotions from nothing. It might sound sad but I have suffered more emotion at the hand of the magic glowing box than I have through the loss of loved ones. My great grandmother died ten years ago and I didn’t shed a tear. Four complete strangers win a boat race yesterday and I was ready to blub.
These four men though were true athletes. Forget your Beckhams and Rooneys it is the GB rowing team that display the attitudes of true sportsmen. They train for four years for one victory then fade away off our screens back to their lives – we don’t have to suffer their faces all over the press or have Heat Magazine ramming what their fashion tastes are like down our throat. They do it for the sheer love and thrill of the sport not for the million pound advertising deals.
I hope London does win the 2012 Olympics. Forget football – real sport is coming home.

Nostalgic Ramblings...

My girlfriend and I yesterday travelled the 64 miles to the Birmingham NEC. We were partly giving her brand new car its first motorway run but we were also visiting a nerds mecca – The Memorabilia show.
Memorabilia is held at the NEC three times a year. April, August and November. Entering the doors and wandering around the tradesmen’s tables is a pure delight. Hidden amongst the various Buffy, Star Trek and Lord Of The Rings action figures there are true treasures of childhood. At least every 5 minutes you here someone whisper ‘I used to have one of those’ alternatively you also here;
"It’s worth how much!? Oh god, why didn’t I keep the box!!"
I went yesterday vowing to spend very little – last year I blew over £100 there in one afternoon, the majority on a hand signed photo of Kylie Minogue. I went there wanting to meet Deep Space Nine’s Ezri Dax (One of the show’s regular guests) and buy a tin wind up bender (from Futurama)
Sadly I failed in my resolution when I cam across a gorgeously detailed model of Ecto-1 from Ghostbusters, other than Thunderbirds, the adventures of Stanz & Venkman were my other big childhood favourite. Though unlike most children my original 1985 Kenner Ecto 1 does still have the box…

A hurricane in Florida kills three people and Bush declares it a disaster zone.
Military action in Iraq kills thousands of innocent citizens and Bush declares it a success…

So are Thunderbirds go?

I finally went to see Thunderbirds today.
Johnathan Frakes re-imagining of the classic TV series has caused mix press. Many, traditionally hard core Thunderbirds fans have slated it for daring to alter Gerry Anderson’s vision of the future. Meanwhile other reviewers have praised it for being a good, fun, action packed kids movie. So what’s my verdict?
Well let me inform you that in 1991 Thunderbirds was my life. When BBC2 re-screened it I instantly fell in love with it. I ran to the kitchen grabbing empty bottles and tried to re-create the craft. Ultimately my mother was very pleased when Matchbox then decided to release their own versions thus saving my mum’s fairy liquid bottles from butchering. I new all the stats, facts and plots inside out. This background meant while I was excited at seeing stunning CGI versions of my favourite craft I was worried that the 21st century may have destroyed one of my childhood loves.
So did I like it?
God YES! Absolutely brilliant. The craft look like they always should have (though TB2’s rear end seems slightly odd) they now have power and the Tracy Brothers can finally walk! The campness is there, the suspense is there and all the little in jokes are there. Yes it IS a kids films but the 60’s show was a kids show so see it with that in mind and you will thoroughly enjoy it!

Exhausting Day

Aren’t coincidences amazing?
Tomorrow my girlfriend is taking delivery of a brand new car, a lovely Kia Picento (sp?) Anyway we were driving down to my weekly pub quiz today in her old car and the exhaust fell off! Seriously, any other day it would have been a disaster but that fact that we’re due to get a new car in just 12 hours meant all I could do was laugh.
Why don’t cute moments like this happen more often?

Big Load Of (ex)Bollox

What a farce.
Nadia won, but the big question is why. The answer, she had a gimmick. That’s all people care about in these days of sound bites and infoblasts. You need a gimmick. Michelle McManus was fat so she won Pop Idol, Nadia used to be a bloke and therefore won Big Brother.
The 10 weeks in the house should be all that you use to inform your decision of who wins. The contestants past should be ignored and irrelevant. Nadia went in wanting acceptance and she got it – weeks ago. She didn’t have to win to prove she was accepted for who she is, when she broke down on Wednesday was a wonderful moment and I really felt for her but it was her only ‘moment’ in the Big Brother house. The only other thing she will be remembered for is the fact she turned into the Hulk when she didn’t get fags. Other contestants were far more deserving and will be remembered for much much, more than being a gimmick
It’s a shame really because this year I thought the public was finally learning to vote out the bores rather than the annoying people. If this was BB1 or 2 Victor & Jason would have been evicted weeks ago and we’d have been left with Vanessa and Stu & Michelle fawning over each other.
Also can I add the fact that I had Dan in a sweepstake has nothing to do with my bitterness…

Normal Service Resumed

Wow, Sorry I have neglected my blogging again so:

Saturday – Sarahs 21st Birthday Great gig, good fun – never thought I’d see a dance floor of 21-year-olds dancing to Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep by middle of the road! 7/10

Big Brother – It’s taken 5 years but it seems we’ve finally learned to vote the boring ones out. Stuart left the house which is fantastic considering he’s done nowt since being it in there except fall in love with a psycho. I was upset that Victor went but thankfully you’ve all had the sense to keep Jason in. Dan deserves to win not Nadia all she’s done is be a man.

So what else have I been up to. Basically just waiting and waiting for a good thunderstorm to come and clear the air. As I am;

• A: Asmatic
• B: Unfit,

it can get hard to breathe in this muggy atmosphere. Also there’s the bonus that ligtening is amazing to watch. So please, please, please let it rain!

My DJ Diary for This Week

Friday – Wes (60), Keeley (27) & Matt (21).
The news that I was booked to do a 60th sent shivers down my spine. The last 60th I had done had been a long slow night. They requested a lot of Glenn Millar and although I had quite a lot of tracks by the missing-presumed-dead band leader extrodinare I wasn’t overly familiar with them, apart from the few sampled by Jive Bunny in the early 1990s.
The came the next shock. Oh and they’re combining it with their Grandson’s 21st.
Ah.
How do you even begin to cover that musical spectrum? 20 year olds and 60 year old in the same room!? Luckily the genteleman who was celebrating his 60th was a young 60. He’d rather listen to Robbie Williams than Little Brown Jug so that helped. After singing his own rendition of Angels the party kicked off and went well. A nice group and an enjoyable night.
6/10

Saturday – Jo & Clive’s Wedding.
We’re having a run of really nice couples lately. Though when ‘Riverdance’ was requested I had a moment of panic – sadly it’s a soundtrack I lack from my collection. Like Chandler from friends I too have a flailing legs phobia.
Luckily the sounds of Lou Reed – Satellite of Love & Lola’s Song did the trick and got them dancing. Over all they weren’t big dancers. The dance floor remained filled by only a handful of dedicated gyraters while the remaingin crowd observed. Luckily for me though they were singers. With Livin’ On A Prayer, Summer of 69 and Suspicious Minds the crowd came alive singing along – while not dancing the atmosphere remained positive thanks to the good lyrical vibe!
Another 6/10

So above average but not me at my best. Next week though is a 21st. Roll on Saturday.

Real Surround Sound

Spiderman 2 is a great film. Intelligent in places, pulls the heart-strings in other places and then has big no-brainer action sequences for a bit of eye-candy. A good summer blockbuster. Perhaps I’ll write a full review tomorrow but today I need to get something off my chest partly proving James Blogwell’s theory that a proportion of Blogger’s use the tool to channel their negative thoughts.
I deliberately chose the late show last night to view Peter Parker in action. So why, oh why was 70% of the audience kids? Not just teenagers but, I jest not, 50% under 10 and at least four or five 3-year-olds. Throughout all two hours of Parker’s wrestle with his duel identity there was the sound of a 3 year old mumbling, at one point wailing. WHY! What possible enjoyment is a three year old going to get from Spiderman 2?!!?
"So little Johnny did you get the subtext that Spiderman removing his mask on the train sequence was the directors way of showing that Peter Parker was no longer ashamed of his secret? No? Thought not you were too busy fidgeting."
Then just as MJ meets Peter in the café to talk feelings what happens? A mobile phone goes off thus shattering the connection I had with the film at that point.
It is not on. The late showing should be adults only regardless of a films certificate. It defeats the whole point of a matinee. An usher should stay in the auditorium at all times – as soon as someone’s phone goes then they should be kicked out. It is showing an extreme disrespect for other human beings.
I really, really want to go and see Thunderbirds next week but last night’s experience has put me off.I don’t want to have to wait 6 months for the DVD release but if it means peace and quiet then it’s the way forward.

Avoiding Charity

You may remember last week I mourned the loss of being able to traverse my local city centre without being harassed by a charity collector. Today I discovered the weapon in this battle - a Sony Walkman.

At least once a week I like to take a wander around town and browse the records & games shops. Today I did it while listening to Radio 2 on my walkman. Not once did I get stopped.  As an experiment I tried making eye contact with one of the Charity tykes - normally this is a mortal mistake - today she didn't even attempt a sales pitch.

So there you go folks, minidisks, personal CD players & Walkmen - never leave home without them, It's just a shame this technique doesn't work on cold callers.

Big Brother Views....

So last night saw the event the nation has been waiting 5 years for – sex on Big Brother. After five years what to we get? A fumble under a table.
The thing is this year has really proven than sex is unneeded on Big Brother. It’s the playing of the game that interests me. Like most of the nation I agree that Jay & Victor are pricks of the highest magnitude but they have expertly played the game. I would argue that they are not as clever as they think they are – it’s more like the rest of the house is dumber.
The house politics have been fascinating, the whole Harem Vs Jungle Cats has stood up to the basic premise of Big Brother way better than ever before. However what has been cringeworthy is Bunny boiler Michelle’s relationship with ‘aren’t I intelligent’ Stuart.
Big Brother 2’s relationship of Helen & Paul was endearing. They were watchable. The BB5 version is quite the opposite – it’s sickening. Michelle’s odd shaped head is off putting to begin with but the way she fawns over Stuart is tiring. Her obsession with being the bride showed her at her lowest and made it the first time I had to give up watching. Stuart meanwhile is the most pathetic contestant in history. He’s scared of Michelle’s advances – signalling this is probably his first ever experience with the opposite sex but keeps leading her on. He came in bragging of his intelligence but has failed to display any signs of it. He’s common sense is non-existent and he prefers to play cowboys & Indians. He hasn’t done anything memorable yet, instead he just sits there being very very boring.
This week I feel it is time for Jay to go – it would be great to see a different side to Victor without his co-Jungle Cat. Will Victor fall into line and become more subdued or will he be more outrageous?
Vote Jay, you know it make’s sense!

Dan & Kerry

The above couple were the clients in tonight’s DJ gig – celebrating their engagement. A lovely couple too. The gig saw a lively atmosphere and again gave me a chance to deviate from my usual party hits canon. Keane, Coldplay & Scissor Sisters were all requested – much to my delight, as were the Streets. I was also able to slip in some great bootlegs and kept the crowd going right until the end. Hopefully I’ll end up Djing the couple’s wedding too!
8/10

A Very Nice Day

Today I did two of my favourite things.  First I took my girlfriend's dogs for a walk in the woods.  It really is underrated you know. 90 minutes of quiet reflection and pondering, rolling thoughts over in your head as you smile at the enjoyment a little cairn terrier and westie are having at just rummaging about in some leaves.
 
Later on in the evening at work I caught up with an old friend. Someone I hadn't seen for two years.  Expecting awkward silence as we try to remember what we used to talk about I went over to say hello. It was like it was only yesterday since we'd met. We talked for ages as she recounted the last 24 months of life with all the enthusiasm and smiley nature she always used to have.  Sorry to sound like Paul Whitehouse but isn't catching up with old friends, well, brilliant!
 
Big Brother Bit
 
Well I'm disappointed in you all.  Okay, it is good that Dan's still in.  It means I'm still on course for a sweepstake victory but I am cross that Ahmed was voted out. Never in history have we had the chance to watch someone have a slow but sure breakdown on TV. You had the chance to vote out Stuart or Shell - the extremely boring ones but oh no, you went for the most interesting.  Yes he was annoying as hell but isn't that the whole point?  Big Brother got evil this year, why can't the viewers?
 

Radio Ga Ga

I must be getting old. I have started listening to Radio 2.

The reason though it not the music or playlist but the personality. Radio 1 used to be great in the afternoon with Mark & Lard & Moyles back to back. Then the awful Sarah Cox became the mistress of the afternoon and the even awfuler Colin Murray was wheeled in. (Edith is OK though, seems nice and funny – not smug and annoying like her leprechaun side kick.)

So the afternoons have left me listening to Steve Wright – I can bare him. He’s not the funniest bloke on earth but he plays some great music (a mix of modern eg Streets, Rachel Stevens etc and classic 70s & 80s) and often has good topical debate. Also Mark Radcliffe now has a great nightly show at 10.30pm every evening on Radio 2 with bands like Elbow playing live.

The problem is Scott Mills has now moved into the Radio 1 afternoon slot. What do I do? I like Scott Mills, he’s funny, in an ironic way and has some great items – but I’m used to the laid back style of Steve Wright and the great mix of music he offers.

Luckily the BBC have saved the day. Their excellent listen again feature means I need never miss Moyles on days I lie in or miss Mark Radcliffe on evenings I’m working! It also means I can keep up to date on new music via Radio 1 but also improve my knowledge of classic with Radio 2. A bonus when you’re a DJ!

So I'm one of the privilaged few that is getting to trial Gmail. Great except I have forgotten my password.

Brilliant.

Your Money Or Your Life

The mission was simple. I had to get from one end of town to the other. Sadly there were obstacles in the way – five of them to be precise. Five of the most loathed creatures currently in existence. Charity Beggars.

Corporations like Dogfam and Adopt-A-Child-Or-Die-Foundation can no longer rely on charity shops it seems. Nope rather than let us chose to donate our money they now try and force us to give up our credit card numbers. Why?

“Have you got a few minutes Sir?” is the usual innocent question. ‘NO!’ Is my usual reply.

I’m not an uncharitable bugger. If I have some spare earnings I don’t want I often donate it to charity. Poppy day usually receives a bit of my income around November – just my way of thanking the previous generations for defending my freedom and I regularly support & fund raise for Comic Relief as well as the local Hospice & Air Ambulance. What I do not like is being made to feel like scum because I’m not willing to hand over my credit card details to a student with a clipboard in the middle of the street. Charities should use TV, radio & magazine ads to prove they need our money and to prove it will be spent well – they shouldn’t interrupt your daily routine by stepping in your way and harassing you.

What’s even more annoying is that gullible public members must be stopping and donating because they keep insisting on filling my local town with 10 pale adolescents in bright yellow jackets and I am absolutely sick of it. I’m sorry but the minute I am harassed by one of these Charity Beggars I make a point of finding the charity’s name and vow to never, ever donate to them again. So please unite and free the streets of these annoying people by doing the same!

I actually think the dripping overflow has stopped.

Now it's the eeire silence that disturbs my sleep!

And still it leaks…

Luckily the noise of Car Park Catchphrase on the Chris Moyles show is drowning out the noise of the neighbours overflow as I write this weeks Pub Quiz.

Ironically we currently have a plumber in. He’s fixing our shower so that it doesn’t take off two layers of skin every time you want to clean your dirty bits. He’ll also reseal the bath hopefully solving the problem of water getting to the neighbour below. Sadly I just discovered we’re out of milk meaning we currently can’t fulfill the international law of offering a workman a cup of tea. So now I’m house sitting while my girlfriend nips off to Safeways… hopefully returning with some yummy croissants too!

Drip, Drip, Drip

What a gorgeous sunny day it is today. A day where you want to fling the windows open and breathe in that fresh summer air, sucking in all the pollen and making you sneeze for the next half hour as a result. I have my windows open and a box of tissues on standbye (for the hayfever you dirty-minded things) but this morning there is an evil disturbing this little slice of heaven. Chinese Water Torture. An overflow pipe right outside my window is gushing out enough H20 to revitalise Ethiopia overnight. Today isn’t the first time it has been doing this. The mini-Niagara falls has been present now since Saturday.

It seems this building is falling apart. The people below have complained water is leaking through to their living room from us. I’ve ripped the side of the bath of fearing a leak to find it bone dry, which is great considering the side of the bath was tiled – that’s going to be nice to fix. The washing machine was replumbed 18 months ago and is fine. I’ve traced all water pipes and can find nothing. My best guess is that the sealant on the side of the bath needs replacing, which it will tomorrow.

Perhaps I should return the favour and go the flat above and tell them their overflow is running, although if they haven’t noticed perhaps a 10% off voucher for SpecSavers would be a better idea.

Burberry & Bling, the most Chavvy of things...

There have been a number of times where I’ve commented on Chav culture in this Blog. Interestingly the Times decided to do the same on Saturday running a piece about how Channel 4 is catering for Chav culture where it was once ignored. Wife Swap, Big Brother etc are all ‘Chav TV’ the writer even pointed out similar things that I did about last weeks Wife Swap.

So is it all hype or are Chav’s really taking over the world? Sadly, yes they are. If you don’t know what I’m on about there are a number of websites that explain this social class typified by Burberry, bling and a poor grasp on the English language.

I was thinking about this the other day, perhaps I’m the one at fault? Perhaps I’m the snob? What gives me the right to frown upon people who come from a poorer background than me? It’s not their fault that they live in urban areas, on high-rise council estates with little sense of community. Not their fault their parents brought them up to swear like troopers. But then again it is their fault that, when they’re old enough to make their own decisions, they don’t work hard at school and instead, choose to hang around on street corners and intimidate passers-by.

My conclusion is that I don’t have one. I feel that because I have actually paused to consider why chav are the way they are that makes me different from them. You feel that the whole point of Chavs is that they don’t pause to consider others. But then again could this growing media obsession with chav culture just be a way of avoiding our own failings?

Forget Hot Or Not, find out if you're Chav Or Not!

The louder you scream, the faster we go!

Monday morning saw me headed down the M4 with one of my best mates to check out Alton Tower’s little sister – Thorpe Park. The park has seen much expansion in the last few years since it was taken over by the Tussauds Group. It used to be a dreary Theme Park. I visited it as an 11 year old and I was bored! Since Tussauds took the reigns two world class coasters have been added as well as a whole host of new ‘flat’ thrill rides. Sadly the park is still quite small and is easily do-able in a few hours but it is set in gorgeous surroundings. Lush greenery and two lakes make it a suprising oasis just a few miles outside of London.

There is one ride there which I personally feels makes the two-hour-or-so-trek down to London justified. Tidal Wave. Go and that only if you don’t mind being damp for the rest of the day. I’ve been on water rides before, but Tidal Wave makes the Thames look dry.

So the verdict? Not quite up to Alton Towers standards but it is catching up. Colossus & Nemesis: Inferno are great coasters and give it another 5 or so years of investment and Thorpe Park could become a fantastic day out. 7/10

BIG BROTHER BIT – Oh dear oh dear. Last night I gasped in amazement as Marco turned into a vile snivelling snide wretch of a man. Obviously bitter about being nominated he started taking side swipes at other contestants until Victor, thankfully, put him in his place. Although it doesn’t effect my sweepstake this week, please, for my sanity – vote Marco out.