When Is Sex, Sex?

Has to be said I was left a little confused by two stories that appeared in Radio One’s Newsbeat this morning. The first was that men now need permission from drunken women to sleep with them on a one night stand otherwise it can be considered rape. Nanny state overkill really. When you’re both blind drunk and mid-fumble you’re hardly going to stop the passion to ask permission for sex, let alone ensure you’ve got a Dictaphone and necessary paperwork to make it legally binding.

The second story was that a woman is fighting the courts refusal to let her use frozen embryos that she created with her ex-boyfriend. Because he is now refusing to let her as he feels as they’re no longer in a relationship he doesn’t want the legal or emotional dependence these kids will force upon him.

Emotionally I feel very sorry for her if this is genuinely her last chance to conceive however, when this story is put in context with the previous one it screams of double standards.

It’s OK for a woman to call drunken one night sex rape if she hasn’t been asked permission, which morally is as it should be. However a man is being dragged through the courts and challenged because he hasn’t granted permission for his embryos to be used by his ex-girlfriend.

I just feel that if a woman hasn’t given permission for sex it’s rape then if he hasn’t given permission for his embryos to be used couldn’t the same judgement be made?

I'm Tired

It’s back. An obsession, a compulsion that grips me and takes over me. I last had this craving in 2002 at university but this morning it returned and I’m worried it’s yet to get worse.

It even affects me when I’m not doing it. I used to sit in lectures sketching out ideas and scribbling down action plans for this disorder. Visitng the real subjects of this disorder filled me with ideas to try out once I got home.

What is it? Well, rather embarrassingly it’s Rollercoaster Tycoon on the PC. At uni I was addicted to this game. I regularly stayed up all night absorbed in the game, micromanaging my finances and trying out new coaster designs.

Last year Rollercoaster 3 came out. It’s the Ferrari version of the game making the original of the game I played at uni look like a battered old Skoda. For some reason it didn’t grip me as much though and I was able to play it in controlled doses.

Yesterday I got the new expansion pack – ‘Wild’. I innocently installed it onto my PC and played for an hour. All was well then at midnight after Miss Smeg had gone to bed I returned to my PC. Five hours later I got to bed.

The scary thing is when I woke up this morning my first thought wasn’t about getting my normal cup of coffee or checking the post it was a brilliant idea to improve the coaster I’d built at 4am.

I’ve fought it though – I’ve decided to come online and catch up on the forums and write the pub quiz. Mind you. I do wonder if placing an entertainer by the exit would encourage more guests to stay in the park…

Strictly Crap TV

Why is it that for every cracking, well-produced piece of Television there are another 20 pieces of absolute guff. For every Life On Mars or Doctor Who there’s 20 different soaps or property shows and for every Spooks or Teachers there’s a reality show or, the latest worrying trend celebrity talent shows.

Think of all the thought that must go into a fine piece of drama. Compare that with the sheer simplicity of coming up with Celebrity Talent Shows. I could do it:

Strictly Stand Up – just in time for the next Red Nose Day 10 celebs compete over a number of weeks to have the funniest stand up routine. They are trained by masters such as Eddie Izzard or Peter Kay and have to write a routine to random subject every week.

Fast Food Frenzy – Celebs have to knock up a mouth-watering dish each week under the watchful eyes of expert chefs. One week it will be Italian cuisine the next Chinese.

Strictly Come Cleaning – Kim and Aggie preside over the show where celebrity teams run home cleaning services. Each week they battle it out over who can give their house the best sparkle.

‘You Spin Me Round’ – 6 Celebs, each with a famous DJ. They have a half hour set to entertain the crowds at a different club each week with the finale being a whole party Djing event at someones birthday or wedding.


And for the channel five market:

Strictly Come. I think you can guess what happens here…

P.S. All these ideas are Strictly Copyright smeg_head 2006. Royalties please….

One Flew Over The Bird Flu's Mess

What a load of guff. Seriously it is.

Put it in perspective, roughly 3000 people die each day of Malaria. 50,000 on average die each year of regular flu. 300 died in the SARS flap a few years back. So why oh why is the media so obsessed with scaring the ignorant with tales of Bird Flu - of which only 92 people have dies of in history.

Those people that have contracted the disease have been in close personal contact with birds on a daily basis. Tales of people no longer eating poultry is absolute stupidity. By cooking the meat correctly you kill off any bacteria and virus contained in the bird. So what’s the fuss?

Well it could mutate say the tabloids - no doubt egged on by Beechams and Lemsip. Yes it could but its been rife in the east for some time now and shows no sign of mutating into an airborne virus. Even if it does we already have the top boffins in the medical world no doubt researching the virus and coming up with treatments.

So there’s no big deal - besides, I could do with a week off work.

iPod, Therefore iAm

It finally came this week. My new shiny slimline black iPod. Within half an hour of Mr Parcel force dropping it off the music was uploaded and playlists organised and I realised how much I missed it. It has taken me almost two months to justify spending the money on it but since my iPod mini died there has been that little gap of sound in my life. My walkman has proven very bulky in my pockets and having to buy singles full price from woolies or burn them from iTunes is more expensive than just using the pod.

In the space of 7 days my life has been transformed. I’ve not just rediscovered the Pod, I’ve rediscovered music. My iPod mini was full to bursting – my new Pod video offers loads of empty gigs which means I can dig out old favourite albums that have been gathering dust. The Queen back catalogue and my chill out collection are now podded up. The Ghostbusters soundtrack and more embarrassingly the soundtrack to the 1986 film Little Shop Of Horrors. (I Love that film!)

It’s been a sheer joy to listen to tracks that haven’t had the honour of gracing my CD system since I left for uni and started limiting myself to carrying round just my favourites. Whoever said that the iPod was killing music is wrong. It’s reawakening it.

Double Oh No!

Some vocal fans of the James Bond series have threatened to boycott the newest film in the franchise, Casino Royale.
The fans in question seem to be outraged over the casting of Daniel Craig as the suave spy 007 and have even set up a site urging fans to boycott the film due to the decision. The web site, www.craignotbond.com, calls on fans "to stop Sony and Eon [Productions] from ruining the future of James Bond by hiring Daniel Craig".
Good on them I say. The Bond franchise has nose dived since the abortion that was Die Another Die. Bond bumbled his way through the film and was saved by luck and gadgets - it was a joke. The true Fleming bond would rely on cunning and intelligence, he certainly wouldn't have let a woman like Jinx get in the way.

I must be balanced however. While I agree that Daniel Craig looks a poor bond I have heard many great things about the script. So I won’t be boycotting Casino Royale, just praying that Eon’s lead choice wins me over.

P.S. Happy birthday Alison!

One Love

Just a quicky to say a big, big thank you to Radio One. The last few days of music have been amazing. Just wish they’d learn to ditch their repetitive playlist a little more often. The best of Brit music has highlighted how much damn good stuff these fair isles produce musically. A far cry from the bland R&B Radio 1 normally showcases.

Ghost Town?

Last year Hereford Council decided to set up a temporary maze in one of the main shopping areas of the city. Of course it wasn’t advertised as a maze instead it was billed as the ‘Eign Gate redevelopment project’. A multimillion-pound fund to transform and spruce up one of Hereford’s oldest streets. It led to months of frustration as 6ft mesh fences ‘protected’ shoppers from the dangers of scruffy workmen digging holes in the floor. Of course this led to the usual walkway of about 30ft across being restricted to just 5ft. While the walkway narrowed the number of shoppers didn’t. It turned into a seven day a week rugby scrum and slowly but surely it effected the patience of shoppers who soon learned to avoid the crush. Now we have a posh new street but the number of shops have plummeted. The pound shop, a local computer firm, a health shop and a national shoe chain have all had to close up due to lack of people during the works. To add insult to injury the brand new pavement is now being dug up by an electricity company.

Do the council seem concerned by traders going out of business as a direct result of their actions? Nope. Rent rates have now increased causing a number of other shops to mumble about imminent closure and the council have reopened the ‘maze’ in a new section of town.

I’m one of the people that can’t be bothered with the city anymore. All my buying is now online. It’s quicker and a lot cheaper. I’m a fast walker and get irritated by the cramped conditions where work is being carried out. If that’s not enough once you get into High Town you’re met with the clutter of a coffee and potato stall blocking what was once a wide walkway. Travel further through and you have the Chuggers Chicane – the zig zag you have to walk to avoid the charity clipboard holders pestering you for your money. When you finally get to the shops the prices are stupidly high to try and cover increasing rent, electricity and staff costs.

Now a further £2million pound scheme has been announced to transform the city centre. Problem is, by the time its finished will there be a shop left to visit?

Wardrobe Watch | Day 5

Thanks to a hectic weekend I wasn’t able to do much on my ‘robes. Today I’ve had all morning to feel all manly with a variety of tools, wood glue and screws.
The result? Well despite following the instructions to the letter. (I’ve checked and double checked!) It appears there is a slight problem…



Yep. The drawers don’t fit. Back to the drawing board…

Wardrobe Wranglings

Ahh it’s been a saga of the new house for the last few months. Twice we tried having Wardrobes from Argos and twice they arrived damaged. So we’ve turned to MFI. Slighty more costly but hopefully better quality. Indeed they have the good sense of putting the product into a number of packages rather than cramming it into one.

Anyway the new ‘robes finally arrived on Friday. Sadly I’ve discovered that they are to be the biggest and most complicated flat packed assembly I have ever attempted. Instructions like ‘Insert fliboozle A into part 592 while rotating duringle Y with sprocket #2 are definitely not written to aid a quick build.

So how far have I got since Friday? We’ll I’m here:



As you can see the basic structure of Robe 1 is now assembled and it is indeed holding an item of clothing…. Sadly it’s missing doors, a number of drawers and some screws. (I'm still assembling the drawers. You wouldn't think they'd be that hard would you!) Robe 2 is currently downstairs still in packaging hogging the living room (the only decent space we have for storing such a big item.)

I will keep you updated on this mass construction project.

It's Hard Being A SF Fan

Over the last few weeks we’ve had an explosion of Science Fiction on television. Never has the schedules creaked with the weight of so much programming pitched into my favourite genre. We’ve got the excellent Life On Mars, the return of the amazing Battlestar Galactica and Smallville. There’s the okish Invasion and The Eleventh Hour (which ITV insist is not SF – despite a loads of genre concepts.) Finally there’s the awful Hyperdrive. Never has a show with so much promise failed so spectacularly to be funny.

This SF televisual attack is accompanied by the reviews. Sadly, as ever it has provided the critics chance to trot out all those over used clichés about SF fans. Caitlin Moran attacked Red Dwarf fans as the geeky I.T. type while A.A. Gill had a slightly more vicious swipe:

"The good thing about sci-fi, is that it attracts unarguably the least discriminating, the most tunnel-visioned yet loyal audience of any oeuvre in any medium... People who read sci-fi read little else. Star Wars fans are a weird closed society, bearable only to each other."

So what if I read little else? I like what I like. I've read and enjoyed Dickens, I've read Of Mice & Men and Pride & Prejudice but none of it grabs me like SF does.

And what of the television? Just because I don't rot my brain in front of utter dross like Eastenders or the latest football match as the masses do - i.e. the 'norm' and 'socially acceptable' I'm deemed as a deviant.

How can Star Wars be a closed society? It's one of the biggest cultural phenomenon’s of the 20th century - completely redefining cinema for a whole generation.

In fact he seems to ignore the fact that apart from Sudoku and the Rubix Cube many of the big cultural influences over the last fifty years have been SF based. We've had the X-Files, Star Wars and Star Trek. All adding buzzwords and phrases to the lexicon. Dr Who has forever changed the way a nation feels about 1950's Police Boxes and pepper pots. We've had a boy wizard and a quest for a ring. Every summer Channel 4 grabs viewers with Big Brother - a concept straight from a 1948 SF novel. Also every summer cinemas are overrun with the blockbusters – many being SF. (In fact out of the top 20 highest grossing movies of all time 16 are science fiction.)

Going back to his quote about SF fans reading little else. Why would we need to? It’s such an open genre. It’s not restricted to any setting or era. It can be a Western, a romance or a Thriller. It has everything. Also read other literature you’ll normally find the story to be enclosed. A neat little package centred around one or two characters in a few locations. Once you’ve finished it’s normally all wrapped up with nothing left to chew over.

SF grabs the reader. It makes you question life and existence. The plots aren’t normally about whether Miss Elaine will get her wicked but blushing way with Mr Larcy and little else. Instead they challenge religion, death, & society. Sometimes you can leave a SF book with unanswered questions but still find it rewarding.

I know exactly which tunnel A.A. Gill is getting his vision from – perhaps he should pull his head out of it.

Down In The Mouth

I’ve had the same dentist since I can remember. She’s spent 24 years moulding my mouth. Imagine then my disappointment when she left the Florida House, Hereford Practice. (Though I suspect she was pushed.) The sensible thing would have been the hiring of a new dentist to take on her existing clients. They didn’t. Instead the practice decided to divide her clients between the two remaining dental surgeons. They couldn’t cope. Twice I’ve had by six-month check up cancelled and moved but this week came the final straw. I arrived for my 6 months check up (13 months since my last) to be told I am no longer a patient.

“We’ve taken about 2000 people of our books, you should have received a letter.” Said the girl on reception. (I hadn’t received a letter by the way.)

“What was the criteria to be removed from you books?” I asked.

“None, just completely random.”

So despite never missing an appointment some random person in my dental practice has decided that I will no longer get decent oral hygiene. Someone has decided how healthy I will be without even bothering to actually ask me. Computer really has said ‘no’.

The Art Of Noise

In 25 years of life I’ve been lucky. I’ve never had the problems of noisy neighbours.

OK there was once the time, in my Hall Of Residence days at uni when I could clearly hear my neighbour in the throes of orgasm but when you’re 19 and she’s mildly attractive it really isn’t a problem. There was also the time at Flat 4 when the person above seemed to be tacking his carpet down at 3 am in the morning. The rhythmic tapping slowly moving across the ceiling.

In the last two nights however we’ve had neighbour noise. The thing is, they’ve been very comical. At 1.30am yesterday morning we discovered that next door obviously isn’t unoccupied as a loud row broke out. Cries of ‘Stupid Girl!’ in a Spanish accent were heard while Turkish shouting back echoed through the walls in relpy. It was a full-blown domestic and rather than slap the wall in anger I was drawn in. It was gripping stuff but ended with the female voice protesting to just ‘let her go to sleep’. (Tut tut – you should never go to sleep on an argument. Haven’t you ever read Clare Rayner!?)

This morning was bizarre, and from a different house. At approximately 3am I went down to get a drink. I could hear music but didn’t know where from. It wasn’t from either of ‘nextdoors’. Returning to the bedroom I eased open the window to have my ears assaulted with the very loud sounds of Irish Folk Music. (Good to see our double glazing works though, it was doing a damn fine job at stopping the sound!) I listened in pure bemusement as the song proclaiming support for Protestants drifted across the night. The sound was coming from the next street – I’m guessing the house whose light was on. I could hear the occasional muffled banging of irritated neighbours. What did I do? I laughed. At 3am the last sort of loud music you expect is Irish Folk. Perhaps party anthems or dance? It was the sounds of either a house party gone very wrong or a pissed up old Irishman remembering the good old days. After a while he obviously got the message of repeated banging and the music died away.

They say stuff comes in threes. So tomorrow at 2am I’m looking forward to the Salvation Army just opposite us digging out their tubas and encouraging the street into a belated and highly ironic rendition of ‘Silent Night’.

Liberal Decision?

So farewell Charles Kennedy, leader of the Liberal Democrat party. Once again proof that honesty is the last thing on politician’s minds. How refreshing that political figure admits he has a problem, a personal frailty. It was good to see him open and honest – being human. How predictable that his party instantly turned against him. It would make such a nice change to have an honest man as leader. Blair is allowed to get away with his WMD lies and nine years of relentless spin yet one man admits he is leading a brave fight against a personal illness and he is instantly dismissed.

Welcome to the fair world of politics…

RiP(od)

Alas the time has come. On the 1st Jan 2006 at approximately 7.15pm my iPod mini passed away. It wasn’t a peaceful passing. It was accompanied by a strange whirring sound and a sad face screen. Now, when plugged in it becomes unusually hot. Despite trying the 5Rs I was unable to rescue poor mini Pod from oblivion.

It’s been used well – many DJ gigs have benefited from its existence it’s even saved me when one of my CD players died a while back. Anyway I decided to log on for a service and discovered that apple would charge me £130 for the privilege.

So here’s the dilemma. If I’m spending that much I might as well buy a new one. (Which, no doubt, is Apple’s plan all along.) In doing so I lose my iPod mini (which is no longer produced) and have to opt for either a nano. (Far too small and flimsy looking for my liking.) Or a video iPod. (Very sexy.)

But there’s another problem. I no longer have the disposable income I used to have. So can I justify buying this luxury item? It does help at Djing but if I have all the CD’s anyway what’s the point? Hmm I can listen to it in my pocket walking round town – sure but my phone has an FM radio which I can (and often do) use.

Oh well. Farewell iPod mini. You will be missed.

Time Is The Fire...

..In Which We Burn

So it’s New Year’s Eve.

I don’t like it.

I just don’t get it.

The thing is, time doesn’t exist – it’s merely a concept invented by our puny human brains to help us better understand the universe. Some of us are slaves to the clock. We set appointments and meetings and fear for our lives if we’re late. Some say its down right rude to be late.

I dunno I just think it’s a bit daft spending a whole night watching a clock counting down to a time which is only significant because someone says so. It’s normally an anti-climax anyway.

There’s one aspect to time that I like on New Years Eve – I get double it. As NYE mean’s nothing to me I’m happy to work it and be paid lots more for the privilege!

Oh well to those of you that do celebrate, Happy New Year. To others like me happy next pay cheque!

Top Score

I just scored a 204 at Tenpin Bowling! I’m very happy with that. I left two frames open and even got a five-bagger. My previous record was a four-bagger and 165! Record smashed!

P.S. How good was David Tennant as Who? The Christmas Invasion was pure excellence with Tennant a better Doctor in twenty minutes that Ecclestone managed in the whole first series. Bring on series two!

My Favourite Christmas Present

Thanks babe, a total suprise.

P.S. Sorry if you got annoyed by the cries of 'exterminate'...all afternoon...

xxx

It's Midnight...

...so Merry Christmas everyone!

So Here It Is...

Well last night was my final Chrimbo gig. Once again December has been the busiest month of the year and once again Christmas Eve bringing on a feeling of tranquillity and a return to normality. Last year it was the come down from Hereford Local Radio, this year it’s the come down from my best series of gigs ever. I don’t know what I’ve being doing differently but the last few weeks have seen some amazing nights. Admittedly this week were probably the worst, but then again they have followed some of my best… so even average seems lacklustre.

Thursday the dance floor didn’t ignite as well as Xmas so far, until for the first time ever, in 7 years of jocking I tried a ‘swing set’. Me & My Shadow, Have You Met Miss Jones, I Get A Kick Out Of You. Stuff I like but would never dream of using for a gig suddenly had the dance floor thriving!

Last night again, not the spectacular that the first few weeks offered but it did see a bizarre spate of requests. Grown men, 30-40 year olds asking for Agadoo, Hokey Cokey & The Fast Food Song. Tracks I have never played. I was very, very hesitant decided what the hell. It worked.

So to anyone who came to one of my Xmas gigs this year, thanks for making it a such good season. My blog of worry at the start was unfounded and I’m glad to say that this year I can quite happily put Wham on without my ears bleeding.

Anyway, I’m off for a few festive beers let the holidays commence!

Spaced Out

So Space Cadets finished on Friday. I really enjoyed the set up and premise of the series however it has to be said that the last two shows were kind of disappointing. Instead of opting for a big shock reveal in the style of Beadles About the cadets were brought back down to Earth gently. Over the last 48hours inside the capsule the producers started sowing seeds of doubt. By the close of the final day the Cadets were pretty much guessing it was all a hoax.

Logically this was the only way the show could end. The whole set up and been so detailed and immersive that to do a shock reveal would, no doubt, have been quite psychologically damaging. I guess the producers had to do things that way to protect the Cadets mental health. For the viewer though the show lacked the big pay off expected. How funny would it have been to stage a problem with the shuttle? To have a UFO flyby? Or do simulate a docking with the ISS only to have Johnny Vaughan walk through the airlock?

In the days of sensationalism on TV you have to admit the producers did take the braver and more moral approach. You have to salute them for that. Still it was an enjoyable show and a shame that it didn’t become the talked about event Channel 4 were hoping for.

My Simplest Pleasures

Breaking the seal on a new jar of coffee.
Bubble Wrap.
The smell of wet tarmac when it hasn’t rained for weeks.
An email from a friend.
The moment of anticipation just before you’re released from the lift hill on a rollercoaster.
A favourite record on the radio.
Snow.
Cuddles with Miss Smeg in the morning.
The smell of coffee.
The cold side of the pillow.
Birdsong.
Laughing.
Making someone else laugh.
94% of my work colleagues

Fulfilling Fantasies

No not those kind of fantasies you dirty minded individual… you know who you are. I’m on about childhood fantasies. Ones burning in your soul since you were single-figured. I’m lucky in that I’ve achieved most of mine. There is one, however, that lies unquenched. It did lie dormant until very recently when it was re-ignited in a pang of jealousy. It was ignited by a friend showing me his Blue Peter Badge.

I wanted one. I scratched my head many a time in my youth. What could I write to BP in order for them to separate with one of their priceless pieces of plastic? How could I amaze Mark Curry, Yvette Fielding or the late Karen Keating? Sadly a subject never came to pass and as I got older I became far more interested in Star Trek communicators than Blue Peter badges.

Still seeing that badge the other week got me thinking. I could, of course, bid for one of the horrendously overpriced badges on ebay but that would be cheating. I wanted to obtain a badge in the genuine way – a feat of achievement that could only be eclipsed by obtaining a Jim’ll Fix it medal or Bullseye Bendy Bully.

So today, as I showered, a spark of inspiration hit me. I now have two subjects I could write letters to BP about. Two letters which would both stand a good chance of getting a badge. But herein lies the problem. How do I go about it? Do I;

A: Write in, shamelessly admitting my age in the hope that the producers will find it amusing and award me some badgeness.
B: Write in under the guise of a 10 year old, using my wrong hand and weak grasp of grammar in the hope producers will see this as a genuine plea for the prize.
C: Stop being silly and grow up, I’m 25 for Christ’s sake.

I can see this is going to be a tough decision…

2 Things

There are two things that I’m really enjoying at the moment.

A: Space Cadets.

There’s a lot of speculation that this is all one big hoax designed to fool the British TV public. So what if it is, I’m really enjoying the ride. Nine people fooled into thinking they’re in Russia and are about to go into Space. It’s also good to see Johnny Vaughan back on the box. One of the funniest thing I’ve seen on TV for ages – especially the lectures. Wonder if they will voyage to the ‘Honey Nut Cluster’.

B: The JCB song.
It shouldn’t be good, but, it’s delicious. In a time where the charts are full of dull, monotone, samey hip hop songs or worse bland middle-of-the-road male solo artists, or even worse glorified kareoke singing X-Factor winners it’s so refreshing to have a a really nice song. The lyrics stir positive memories in my child-of-the-80s mind but also give a real uplifting nice fuzzy feeling. The best candidate we’ve had for Xmas Number one in years.

Radio Ga Ga

Today marks the first anniversary of my inaugural appearance on radio. Since then I have hosted a daily morning show on Local radio for three weeks and done a weekly show on hospital radio for the last six months. It was something I’d been interested in doing since I was young, so what have I learnt?

Well I’ve only done about 80 hours on air so I’d be arrogant to say I can teach you how to be a radio DJ, however perhaps I can pass on some tips new comers might be interested in.

Firstly most of your creativity is stifled from the word go. Thanks to various laws and regulations you have to be careful about what you talk about. Then you have the radio stations identity to live up to - i.e. you can only run features they want you to run and only play records they want you to play. It is a limiting problem but sounding original under these conditions is what makes the best jocks shine.

Forget glamour. Most radio studios, especially local level are nothing more than portacabins or single grubby rooms in an office block. They will either be freezing cold or stuffy and hot and at times you will be left on your own with a full bladder and no one to talk to.

Forget morals. It is an industry centred on backstabbing and slagging people off - well that’s if you want to get anywhere. You also seem to have to shag around to make friends and get jobs. Slagging off and shagging around are two things that aren’t me so I’m resigned to not getting anywhere in radio but to be honest with these two things being your main credentials I’m not bothered.

That said when a station works - it works well. In just three weeks the local RSL I was involved in built up a very strong sense of being in a team - if it was full time we would have made a great station.

To this day people are shocked when they learn I’m not bothered about pursuing radio – despite having in interest for quite a while. About 9 months ago one jock thought I was out right lying and refused to believe me. She’s one person that is slowly making progress in the industry and I’m happy for her but to be honest I’ve found my niche in hospital radio. In the studios are a group of people that are genuinely doing radio shows for the love and passion of it. There’s no pay & no fame thus no egos and certainly no falseness.

That said my main tip is that content is key. I find it far easier to do a show when I arrive up with pages and pages of news stories, trivia and observations. Failing that if you’ve nothing to say then don’t. After all apart from the likes of Chris Moyles or Scott Mills the majority of people listen to radio to hear the music – not you. That’s one lesson a lot of jocks could learn.


P.S. Happy birthday mum!

Dance To The Music

So how did the Chrimbo parties go this weekend? Well it has to be said it’s kind of depressing. Friday night went really well. From 10pm –12am, following a sumptuous 4-course meal for our guests, I had the dance floor packed. Then, suddenly, without warning the atmosphere fell flat and people left. This is better than previous years. Usually straightaway at 10pm crowds would leave and head out to the night-clubs. Of course the new drinking laws seem to be working in our favour with people staying until later thanks to later admittance into the clubs.

Then, however, came Saturday.

Oh my God.

Possibly the best Xmas party night I have ever done at this residency. I always look back at the University Of Gloucestershire’s 2000 Xmas Ball as one of my best gigs. This was up there. The atmosphere was electric and the dance floor was teeming all night. The best part was I got away with different music to normal on Xmas parties. Usually it’s Motown and Disco to keep the post-40 something happy. Nothing wrong with that it’s great music but when you’re using it at all your weddings and Xmas dos it gets a bit tiresome. Itching to play something different while a lady on table 3 insists you play Dancing In The Street for the 5th time that week. However Saturday I slipped in the likes of Reef: Place Your Hands, House Of Pain: Jump Around and I even fearlessly laid down Ant & Dec: Let’s Get Ready To Rhumble. I never dear play such cheese but it worked perfectly. The crowd were screaming, jumping, singing. I counter balanced these more unusual Xmas Party choices with a few classics, Summer Of 69, Livin’ On A Prayer, Brown Sugar and it led to a great night.

So why have I said it’s depressing? Well for the night to be so, so good I’m aware that none of the forthcoming gigs over the next few weeks will match it.

Still, there’s always next year.

And So It Begins

Tonight is my first Xmas gig of the year. For me this is when the countdown starts and Christmas seems just days away. Admittedly it now means I will slowly get sick of Wham!, Dexy’s Midnight Runners & Jeff Beck but hey it’s still fun. Lately I’ve had a good run of gigs. No stand out bad ones and one fantastic night where I couldn’t stop the crowd dancing if I tried however the Xmas gigs are harder. Mainly because they are comprised of groups of people that don’t know each other – different companies booking a table here & there meaning the guests don’t seem to relax quite as much as if it were a birthday party (by far the easiest night to do.)

Every year one song becomes stand out – a song that is requested every night without fail. Over the past few years Crazy In Love by Beyonce, Cheeky Girls & Where Is The Love by Black Eyed Peas have been the big ones. Last year it was Band Aid 20. This year I’m anticipating The Pussycat Dolls to be heavily requested along with Madonna & Hung Up.

The hardest part of the night is where to put the Xmas songs? Obviously at a Xmas party you want Slade, The Pogues and Wizzard but past experience has taught me just dropping them in to the set clears the dance floor. If you don’t play them people start moaning – “You haven’t done the Xmas songs yet, come on it’s our Xmas party” but then if you save them until the end of the night it seems to little to late. In almost seven years of Djing I’ve never quite sussed this one. This year I have a plan – we’ll wait and see if it works…

Shop 'til You Drop

While visiting Cornwall the other month I had the most fantastic shopping experience. I’m a rare breed of male – I love shopping – it’s actually my girlfriend that loathes it. I used to love shopping with my housemate and her friends in Cheltenham. Voicing opinion on various dresses and shoes. But I also love ‘stuff shopping’ looking around for CDs, DVDs, gadgets and kitchen stuff… oh and the toy department of course.

The New Bullring is amazing, as is Cribbs Causeway but down in Cornwall they do things differently. (Of course this is well known but I didn’t realise it extended to shopping.)

Down past Bodmin exists a paradise by the name of Treago Mills. At first arrival it’s a strange building indeed. Surrounded by dense furs and plastic statues. It’s a huge architectural hotchpotch. I wasn’t sure if it was an original timer building or a modern building built to look old – it really is hard to tell.

Inside though it is a vast shopping mall of sheer randomness. No separate shops just separate department all bunged in together and shaken about. The music department was a sheer delight. Old stuff seemed to be proudly on display while new releases seemed to be shamefully buried at the back. Even more exciting was the fact that there was no order to the records. The latest Greenday album was next to an ancient release from Sinatra. The shelves contained Catatonia’s complete back catalogue long vanished from my local Virgin. I found Portishead’s second album on these crammed shelves along with Suede’s Coming Up (both quickly purchased!)

The rest of Treago Mills was just as chaotic. A food department next to linen with a lighting department just a few steps away. There also appeared to be a tack department lovingly displaying neon wall clocks and those pictures of waterfalls that light up and give the image that water is constantly moving (so that’s where my local kebab house got it!)

If you’re ever in the area I strongly recommend a visit even if you don’t buy anything it’s just interesting to see what shopping could be like if we hadn’t been so influenced by the glistening American Malls.

A Winter's Tale

Just wanted to share with you this picture of a gorgeous evening sky I took the other day. Sadly I only had my camera phone but you get the gist of the lurvely colours. Still it shows why this is my favourite time of year. I love the brisk mornings that wake you up as you walk to work. I love the crisp chill in the air and wrapping myself up in my Gryffindor scarf. At night I enjoy snuggling up in the duvet with a good book (currently Dan Brown’s Deception Point) I also love the anticipation in the air of the countdown to the festive season – this is when it should start, not August as the shops seem to dictate. This time of year I actually feel Xmassy – a feeling that usually evaporates by Xmas Eve but I try to make the most of it. If you ever get a chance listen to 'A Winter's Tale' by Queen - a song that sums up perfectly how I feel this time of year.

MSN has, today, published an amusing list of things that have never happened on Star Trek. While it is funny I do wish researchers would check their facts, some of them have actually happened;

Uhura puts the Klingons on hold listening to Greensleeves for 10 minutes, causing them to destroy the Enterprise in sheer frustration.

Ok this has never happened as such, however in Star Trek VI Uhura does put the Klingons on hold while trying to impersonate other Klingons with the bridge crew hurrying to translate the langauge in the background.

Starfleet remove red jumpers from the uniform code, after which the mortality rate of senior crewmembers on away missions increases dramatically.

Red Jumpers were removed from the uniform code somewhere between 2269 and 2279. In The Next Generation era it’s actually command that wears red with security now wearing mustard.

There's a bizarre time-warp incident that has nothing whatsoever to do with the 20th century.

This has happened many times – most notably with Captain Braxton in Star Trek Voyager – he was from the 29th Century! Oh and don’t forget ‘Yesterday’s Enterprise’ – another bizarre time-warp incident having nothing to do with the 20th Century, instead an era just decades ago and the previous Enterprise.

Doors on all Federation starships inexplicably stop going 'pssht'

It’s not inexplicable, no doubt the Enterprise doors are powered by some sort of hydrolics which would explain the ‘pssht’ noise.

Points Of View

Just the other week I Blogged on how I feel the BBC is the most spectacular television and media establishment in the world. They’ve further proven that by personally replying to an email I wrote to them this weekend. An email that was, sadly, a complaint.

You see Saturday morning I settled down to my weekly dose of Dick & Dom In Da Bungalow. The former primary school teacher in me is ashamed by this. I hold a professional degree but I shamelessly watch the weekly antics of Dick & Dom as they get very messy and shout dumb catchphrases – and I love it! Don’t know why but I just find it one of the funniest programmes on television.

This week though I was angered. The last 15 mins vanished to be replaced by The Lord Mayor's show. WHY?! I live nowhere near London and as such feel that this has no relevance on my life. Why oh why is this dull ceremonial precession being beamed into my home on BBC1 – the mainstream channel? Shouldn’t it be on BBC 2 or 4? (Do you here that, it’s the Degree level ex-teacher in me screaming at my disregard for British culture!)

Anyway, they’ve replied and apologised but reassured me that as a recognised tradition the BBC feel duty bound to broadcast The Lord Mayor’s show. Which is fair enough I suppose. (They were, no doubt, sniggering at a 25 year old Dick & Dom fan as they typed the reply.)

The one slight gripe is that they announced that the 15 minutes transition to BBC2 was publicised in the Radio Times. Sorry to burst your bubble dear old aunty beeb but not everyone buys the RT, instead I rely on the free weekly listings in The Saturday Times – which I always go out to buy AFTER Dick & Dom, D’oh!

Baby On Board

No it’s not the number one international smash hit Grammy Award winning record by the B-Sharps but the signs that the record was based on. What is the point of them? Why do they exist? Forget 9/11. Forget Stonehenge, or the face on Mars. Baby On Board signs are the greatest mystery/conspiracy of our time. What function do they serve? Does displaying one on your car magically make you impervious to road accidents? Do you honestly expect the driver behind to read them and think ‘Oh they have a baby (or the more annoying version, a ‘young person’) on board in that case I’ll ease off them. In fact I’ll ensure if a tyre does suddenly blow or a cat stray into the road I’ll swerve anywhere but into them.’

I suspect these signs merely exist for new parents to gloat about the fruit of their loins. ‘Look at fellow me motorists, I’m fertile, I got a shag at least 9 months ago!’

It doesn’t work on me though. I hate babies. They shit, spew, eat and sleep. That’s it – that’s all they’re capable of. And they’re ugly. To top it off their puny brains can’t even hold a conversation. Instead you have to guess what they’re crying about. It’s like a real Tamagotchi and you know how annoying they were.

Why can’t new-borns start life around the age of two or three? They are much better looking and have better bowel control. They’re funnier and can – to a degree – talk. You can play with them and don’t have to spend a fortune on nappies, teething rings and clothes that will last just three months.

Customer Services Service

Over the last decade the service industry has grown in the UK exponentially. Leisure has been the fastest growing industry and with it has come the customer service training. Being in that industry I’ve had my fair share. ‘The Customer is always right’, they must come first etc etc.

Well it’s all soooo wrong. The customer is rarely right. The customer doesn’t read things they’re meant to then blame you because they got their head severed by the pool table - despite the big sign saying “Don’t Do It.”
They imagine things and rephrase things you’ve said to them. They tell you that ‘the person they spoke to on the phone last week said ‘this’ - when all along they didn’t because that mystery person on the phone was you.

Or the other classic line – “You used to do it this way…” Um no, we actually never have. I’ve been with this company every day for 8 years – I think I’m more familiar with how things have been done… or, perhaps we did used to do it ‘that way’ but have you ever considered that things change?

Isn’t it about time that Customers had service skills taught to them. We, the oh so smiley-ready-to-help staff are not punch bags, we’re humans too believe it or not. We do care when things go wrong for you but when you treat us like a piece of dirt that care will evaporate. We are usually just following policies set by higher staff so don’t get all demanding with us when we are powerless to help because stupid beaurcratic rule 1.5a won’t let us – we’re just as frustrated as you!

But it boils down to what is wrong with the country at the moment – the lack of repect. The Chav culture has mutated into the more menacing Hoody culture. But how do you expect these teens to have respect when they see their parent shouting and bawling at service staff with a lack of respect.

Or what about those thrown out of Labour Party conventions for merely voicing an opinion? Nice one Tony. When did Labour become so fascist?

People need to slow down, become more aware of their surroundings, read signs more and you might find tempers get less frayed and mutual respect grows…

Back In The Red

Yesterday morning my Red Dwarf VII DVD arrived 48 hours early. After following the creation of this DVD at reddwarf.co.uk I had quite a high anticipation. A lost episode, Robert Llewellyn’s much publicised video diary, the commentaries and, of course, the deleted scenes.

So far the Red Dwarf DVD’s have been some of the most finely produced shiny disks I have ever bought – really crammed full of meaty goodness that any fan could get wet over. Red Dwarf VII as a series though, is a different kettle of fish.

After four years absence from the screens Red Dwarf VII aired in 1997 with very mixed reviews. While the press were finally realising what a golden nugget of television the series was the fans we unsure of the shows new direction. VII was shot more like a drama, Chris Barrie was departing as was Rob Grant. There was a new character and it featured new CG effects and a filmic look with dramatic lighting.

At the time I didn’t know what to think. It was Red Dwarf and for that I loved it but something just wasn’t right. Like most fans I agreed it was the weakest series ever. Some ripped it to shreds though I still believed there were very strong moments. The opening to Stoke Me A Clipper is one of my favourite Red Dwarf scenes.

Last night I curled up in front of the goggle box and pressed play. Without the 4 years of anticipation and sudden shock of a completely new look – do you know what? My verdict has changed. The filmic look seems much much better when viewed on DVD as apposed to VHS. The lighting is sumptuous – the scene in Starbug’s engine core in Tikka To Ride looks simply gorgeous. Sadly the CG effects look worse than ever but the new CG inserted into Tikka for the DVD shows, that with the budget, it could have been glorious. I only intended to watch one episode last night but ended up watching three. I loved every moment and wished that they’d done more Dwarf in this way. Perhaps in hindsight we fans didn’t know how lucky we were to get a series that looked that good on a BBC Sit-Com budget. Sure some of the gags were weaker but the SF premises were stronger than ever. I mean, JFK assassinating himself? A virus you can talk to that feels sorry it has to kill you but is ‘just doing his job.’ Being your own father to ensure the human race is never wiped out and debating if cottage cheese (with pineapple chunks) should be kept in the fridge or cupboard… these are issues that even Star Trek hasn’t touched!

Perhaps RDVII needs a second chance?

More from the Crimson Short one here.

Pixels & Power Ups

One blissful memory of my youth is that of computer games. Hours spent controlling Codemaster’s ‘Dizzy’ on his various quests across the Spectrum Sinclair +2a before upgrading to the adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog on the Megadrive. There was Tetris on my Gameboy, which for some reason, school decided was the spawn of satan leading my best friend and I to find clever hiding places from the dinner ladies so we could link up for two player battles.

I progressed to the N64 and spent one whole summer leading Mario on his amazing 64-bit adventure while spending the winter guiding 007 around the perils of Goldeneye.

It seems though that, as the graphics and consoles improve, the gameplay gets worse. The last game I was truly addicted to was the Gameboy Advanced Kuru Kuru Kirin (I think that’s how it was spelt) guiding a rotor blade around tricky mazes – simple but addictive and tucked away amongst the millions of movie tie-in games that now seem to clog up the shelves.

Thankfully the Gamecube did have all the classic Sonic The Hedgehog Games in one mega collection and a new incarnation of Mario in Super Mario Sunshine. The main problem with the current console games I find is that there is simply too much to do. You have to collect all 100 icons, as well as emeralds and all coins on all levels. You have to complete all levels in ‘x’ amount of time. Once you have done this you unlock more levels where you have to do it all over again before you then unlock a new character and have to do everything again in reverse… You just get fed up. I loved the old Sonic Games they were challenging but at the same time genuinely possible to complete. These days your are robbed of that feeling of completion simply because you can’t be arsed to go back to level 6 and find that missing statue.

The DS has now arrived and I’ve loved revisiting Mario 64 – I’d sold my N64 to fund my Gamecube, a decision I was regretting until Mario 64 DS came along. However the gem I’ve discovered is Wario Ware Touched. At first it seemed utter chaos. There are hideously long cut scenes which are extremely irritating but once you’ve braved those and got to the mini-games it’s sheer genius. The games take mere seconds to complete and its all about bettering your time/score – simplicity. This is what makes it so compelling. Have games developers finally learned the simpler the idea the more addictive it is? Doubt it. However I’m guessing this game, along with Mario 64 DS could be all I need until the revolution appears…. Though a Starfox or Pilotwings DS might be nice…

Relive classic game memories here, and classic game music here.

Cars

“You mean you can’t drive? How do you get around?!” is the oft cry I hear from many a people upon discovering my inability to control a motor vehicle. They seem shocked when I tell tales of walking or cycling everywhere.
“Walk?! But it’s up hill and it takes at least fifteen minutes!” Was one utterance of exasperation I’ve had when describing my journey home. Oh no, fifteen minutes – so inconvenient. I enjoy it though it’s like a buffer between work and home Time to gather thoughts, reflect, plan your evening meal or just hum along to the iPod.
Still this is nothing compared to the disgust I get when I tell people that I use (get ready for this) public transport…

“But you must always be late, it’s dirty, expensive, hot and now thanks to 7/7 it could even spell certain death.” To be honest I no longer use the public transport around town. That, I agree is ridiculously expensive for such comparatively short journeys. However people who rely on cars seem completely oblivious to the fact that public transport is actually relatively cheap and reliable, especially over long distance. In three years of travelling back and forth to university the bus was only late twice – once because it got stuck in a major traffic jam which would have effected me had I been in my own car anyway. I used to relish the 90 minutes journey – sheer escapism often to the sounds of Mark & Lard (when Radio 1 mid-afternoon was good) through gorgeous Herefordshire/Gloucestershire countryside.

Recently I travelled to Birmingham by train. The carriage was clean, comfortable I had a seat and the air con was lovely and refreshing. The train was bang on time through all its stops and I got to the centre of Brum without the hassle and expense of finding parking. On the way back however the train broke down – this lead to an hour delay. Cries of disgust from many a passenger. I shrugged it off and enjoyed an hour wandering around Worcester where we’d stopped. No big deal.

So next time you need to take a journey why not think twice about your own car. Help save pollution and fight the continuing price rise of oil by going on public transport – it’s not nearly as crap as its image would make believe.

Intensive Comments

When I started this blog I made an unwritten rule that I’d never respond to any comments left. Mainly because I didn’t think I’d get any but also because my blog is my chance to air my opinion and the comments box is the chance to air yours – if they’re different even better because that gives the reader something to ponder over. However the anonymous poster of the following message about my Robbie Williams album review has really angered me;

Think you are talking out your arse, this is such a personal album touching upon many a fan, almost taking a 360, his first album reflected so much, this does exactly the same, if you want the last album, go and buy it again... people like you should not try to criticise as you really can't accept change... this album is fucking amazing.... move on you drip!

What angers me is that this commenter has obviously not actually read my blog in full. The first part of the review was based solely on the first listen to the album – in all honesty I didn’t enjoy the album as much as first listens to other Robster albums.. however if the commenter had bothered to read on they would have seen that I argued exactly the points they have i.e;

Commenter: “people like you should not try to criticise as you really can't accept change”

My Review: “So to sum up this is a more challenging album for Robbie fans – but to be honest I’m glad. I’d rather he try out new sounds and new ideas, there are far too many bands that keep releasing the same stuff in the same key with the same chords.”

There – in black and white, (well black & grey) I said I’m glad Intensive Care had a different sound… It’s brave and the change is good.

Commenter: Think you are talking out your arse, this is such a personal album touching upon many a fan

My review: Verdict: I love it! Album of the year for me so far putting Kaiser Chiefs into second place. Even the covers tarot theme perfectly captures the thoughtful feel to Intensive Care.

So perhaps Mr Anonymous should read stuff properly before jumping to conclusions. If you must know Intensive Care is the only thing I have played on my iTunes this week apart from Zero 7 and the Chris Moyles Podcast… and only because that had an interview with Prince Of Pop himself.

Intensive Listening

Thanks to the wonder that is play.com I received my copy of Robbie Williams’ new album, Intensive Care, 48 hours before its actual release. As a fan of the Robster I was delighted but is it any good?

Popular opinion on the first single ‘Tripping’ is divided. I’m in the ‘love it’ camp preferring it to last years ‘Radio’ so I was looking forward to the album. First play however was disappointing. It felt wishy-washy. Robbie’s albums always seem to consist of a fine balance of good upbeat singalongs and brilliant ballads. This album seemed to hover somewhere in the middle. But then came the final two tracks; ‘A Place To Crash’ is an extremely catchy rocky song more in the traditional Robbie vein – it’s followed up with ‘King Of Bloke of Bird’ which is a perfect balance and the last 30 seconds provide a gorgeous instrumental end to the album.

Hearing these two great tracks inspired me to have an immediate second listen. Straight away ‘Ghosts’ stood out much more but the song that really grabbed me was ‘Advertising Space’

After a few listens I’m finding ‘Make Me Pure’ a brilliant track, almost up there with ‘Better Man’

Robbie has this unusual ability to create ‘growers’ – tracks that take a number of airings to ‘click’. It was the same with ‘Rock DJ’ and ‘Come Undone’ but it is Intensive Care that demonstrates this ability more than ever before. I was Djing last night and I’m glad to say ‘A Place To Crash’ got the dance floor filled – a potential Robbie smash there.

This morning the first thing I did was put the album on – I can’t get the tunes out of my head though the only track that isn’t growing is ‘Spread Your Wings’ – the backing track sounds like one of the instrumentals from Channel 4’s Supernanny and the way Robbie speaks the lyrics it sounds like an attempt at recapturing Escapology’s brilliant ‘Me & My Monkey’.

So to some up this is a more challenging album for Robbie fans – but to be honest I’m glad. I’d rather he try out new sounds and new ideas, there are far too many bands that keep releasing the same stuff in the same key with the same chords. Robbie may loose some long time fans with Intensive Care but I think he’ll gain new ones too.

Verdict: I love it! Album of the year for me so far putting Kaiser Chiefs into second place. Even the covers tarot theme perfectly captures the thoughtful feel to Intensive Care. It’s a different sound but it’s not the disaster all the Guy Chambers fans were predicting – a success and I look forward to more Williams/Duffy collaborations.

More Crisp Talk

I’ve talked before about my love of salty potato based snacks or crisps as they’re more normally known. Pringles used to be the daddy for me. However the last few years have seen that respect eroded with the addition of dodgy flavours. Paprika and Smoky Bacon are both over-salty nightmares with a harsh aftertaste. Mexican Salsa was awful and the new Sweet Chilli taste very synthetic. The two new flavours I loved – Pizza & Curry were both withdrawn with only a years shelf life. The one success has been marvellous - Hot & Spicy flavour.

Luckily Walkers came into the frame with Sensations. I was suspicious at first but their superior taste and flavours have won me over. Balsamic Onion & Vinegar is gorgeous, as is the minted lamb. The new pork and mustard flavour is delicious and then, of course, there’s the don of Sensations. Thai Sweet Chilli. Far superior to Pringle’s offering no synthetic aftertaste instead there’s that lovely warm, sweet sensation over your tongue.

Last night though I was pleasantly surprised by a new addition to the Pringles Dippas range – Thai Green Curry. After the recent experience with their other Thai flavour I was suspicious but gladly it seems Pringles have finally produced a nice flavour – It is reminiscent of the old Curry flavour but with slightly more of a kick. Now all they have to do is bring back Cheese’Ums and I’ll be a happy man!

Why Do I Hoard?

While moving house I discovered a strange thing about myself. I keep a lot of crap. An oversized £10 note. A Friends mobile phone holder. The cinema tickets for every film I went to see between 1998 and 2003. My old student ID cards, birthday cards. Boxes for various Star Trek memorabilia. All the number 1 CD singles between 1997 and 2002 as well as a multitude of other singles despite now having them all again on various compilation albums. Tickets to see Robot Wars live and Star Trek Voyager Calendars from 1996-2002. I’ve got all the Comic Relief red noses ever, my school uniform. A CD rack I never use. Awful GCSE woodwork projects. Every issue of the Beano 1987-1999. Why? Most of it is sentimental, I can attach happy memories with many of these objects, people, places names and faces. I have the memories though so why do I need that physical attachment? My girlfriend oft describes me as sentimental and nostalgic. I still cherish my Ghostbusters toys and my Sega Megadrive. I still love my Voyager VHS collection despite now having the lot on far superior DVD. Now I am moving out of the parents into my own home it is time to cast of some of these possessions away. There’s a fortune to be made on ebay with a lot of it I’m sure but it’s just so hard to say goodbye.

Hobbies & Not Having Any...

I haven’t got a hobby. I hate that. Sometimes I sit there on a boring evening and ponder what to do. I can spend hours showing Bowser what for on the Gamecube or DS. I can waste aeons browsing the web or reading a good book. Some evenings and afternoons I while away the hours volunteering my time to Hospital Radio. Then there’s the DVD collection – oooh how I love to sit in front of a glowing box watching the digital data on a shiny disk be translated for my pleasure. None of these though are proper hobbies. This came to my attention when updating my CV. What do I put under the title ‘Hobby’
I’d love something old school. Trainspotting? Hey I’m already a Trekker – that’s geeky enough. Stamp Collecting? Hmm costs money – now I have that oh-so-heavy mortgage hanging above my head the hobby has to be cheap. Model Building? Tried that when I was younger, my nose and the warp nacelle of the Enterprise-D became quite attached… no thanks.
It’s a man thing though isn’t it? I mean, Hobbies. You see very few women in the local Steam appreciation society. I was once told (I think I was told, It could, perhaps, have come from Wilson on ‘Home Improvement’) that the male need for a hobby, to be creative, is because of an unconscious jealousy of the females ability to create new life inside her. Sort of makes sense. I do a lot of stuff with my spare time – Roller Coaster appreciation is another thing I could count for myself but it all sounds so different. “Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Internet, Gaming and Rollercoasters..”

The Spectre of Entertainment

I have long believed that the BBC are the best producers of television in the world. While many independent media stations and publications often knock them I still automatically tune to News 24 or Radio 4 if there is a major breaking news story. Radio 2 contains some of the finest radio programming & presenters anywhere while Radio 1 promotes fresh new talent and sounds expertly. On TV the BBC have been responsible for many of the last decade’s most delicious shows. Recently Doctor Who, Spooks, Dick & Dom and Little Britain.

The fondest memory I have of the BBC is for making me the most scared I have ever been in my life. The other day I was walking through town where I saw a number of people wearing ‘Most Haunted Crew’ T-Shirts. I laughed at the thought of a local building appearing on this awful program. I’ve watched it a few times and I feel it is making a mockery of genuine investigation into a fascinating subject – ghosts. Derek & Yvette should be banned from coming anywhere near a camera for producing this dumb show. It is a pale imitation of possibly the greatest 90 minutes of television I’ve ever watched…

It was October 1992, I was excited as it was one of the first times I’d been left home alone. I tuned into BBC 1 for their live Ghostwatch. Michael Parkinson, Sarah Greene & Mike Smith hosted a 90-minute investigation of the most haunted house in Britain while Craig Charles provided the light relief. The studio ghost expert was, bizarrely, the head-tutor from Channel 4’s ‘Teachers’ Of course it was all a sham – an expertly produced ‘what-if’ drama that wasn’t even live. On the night I didn’t know that. I sat watching fascinated by what the university investigators had discovered at this haunted house. Central heating banging, school textbooks being defaced, a girl being scratched and a spooky voice uttering ‘Round & round the mulberry bush.’ I sat terrified as the ‘live’ broadcast descended into chaos. Banging, crashing wailing felines and Sarah Greene being trapped in a ghastly ‘glory hole’ (ahem). The image of ‘Pipes’ the spectre behind the happenings haunted me for years.

I waited petrified for my parents to return, “Mum, mum they’ve proved ghosts exist, they’re real…”

Of course it wasn’t and the BBC got into all sorts of trouble. The broadcast even being linked to the suicide of one lad who got a tad too scared! It was never to be shown again… well until it got a DVD release a few years back.

It still sticks in my mind though – I was captivated in a way that no TV show has ever emulated. I doubt it could be done today, we’re too media savvy – but I’d love to see it attempted!

More on Ghostwatch here.
..and here...

Crackin' Gromit...

It looks like the film I most want to see this week is going to be a huge hit. Well at least that's what I think judging by the random drunk old guy out side my local Tesco a few minutes ago. There he was, in his late 50s at least, rosey red face swinging a carrier bag around proclaiming, "I love Wensleydale"

Wallace would be proud...

Bigger On The Inside

I love my new house, it doesn’t feel like home yet but we’re getting there. In spring we plan to tackle the back yard – not that big but a lick of paint, a few pots and I’m sure it’ll do wonders. But for some dumb reason I’ve decided I’d love a TARDIS in it. You see it’s not big enough for a shed and although we have a huge cellar for storage it’d be a lot easier to have a small shed for storage of BBQ, plant stuff and patio furniture. How cool would it be to build a TARDIS?! Far more interesting than a shed. I’ve looked into plans and cost and reckon it could be done for around £400. (Self build obviously)

It’ll probably never happen, my girlfriend is doing her best to dissuade me. I’m amazed at how many people out there in interweb land have actually taken on such a project. Like this bloke for instance… oh and this one.

Hmmm. Should I do it? I can see it being a project I start with full gusto and enthusiasm and then after a month giving up leaving the cellar full of half finiashed 7ft high MDF Tardis doors! It’ll be like the Blue Peter Tracy Island all over again which spent 2 years on top of my wardrobe half finished! Besides, thinking about it I haven’t even got a Sonic Screwdriver and I’m sure a Phillips one would be no good….

How To Win A Pub Quiz

As a quiz master I’m often asked for tips on winning. My stock reply is don’t play to win - just enjoy it. That was always my mantra when taking part in a quiz myself though I guess £100 cash or some free beer is always a bonus.

So how do you win a quiz? Well here’s some tips. For a start a good knowledge of Bond or 007 is a must. Every single quiz I’ve been to there almost always seems to be a Bond question – even in the ones I write I seem to slip them in. It’s usually which bond girl, or who sang…. Though sometimes it’ll be ‘which Bond.’
Look for current events too. Last week Charlie & The Chocolate factory came out. Sure enough quizzes featured questions about the original movie or the book. Likewise back in March/April every quiz I went to was asking questions about Doctor Who – and it’ll almost always be lazy ones that don’t need research. What does TARDIS stand for being a prime example. Just looking logically at current events like that can definitely lead to good guesses at what any given weeks pub quiz will contain.

Finally big advice here is look for themes. This is something I’m guilty of when writing a quiz. If I find a good question I’ll milk it for everything it’s worth. Last year every week I asked a question about the Monopoly Board or Monopoly rules simply because the board was kept next to my computer. I had a run of weeks about dartboards – again it was opposite where I was sat when writing the quiz. If, at your local, you get asked a question like this then I will bet you the next week there will be another question – simply because it saves the quizmaster the hassle of doing research for a question. I’ve recently discovered a list of international vehicle registration numbers.. that’ll keep me going for months!

Of course If you ever do come to my pub quiz be warned, as a fan of pub quizzes myself I am aware of some of these tricks of the trade – and often try hard to go against them… well unless I’m having a lazy ‘Quiz by numbers’ week…

Bless Me Father Roddenbury, For I Have Sinned...

I remember when I was about 6. Messing about in the living room, mum in the kitchen I switched the TV channel from the boring news to BBC 2. I sat watching fascinated by two men in pyjamas attacking a lump of reddish brown rock with laser guns. Later wisdom would teach me that this was the Horta from Star Trek The Original Series episode “The Devil In The Dark”. It was my first experience of Star Trek and it wasn’t long before I sat and watched the Wrath Of Kahn. A few years later The Next Genration debuted and I was hooked – I was a Trekker.

Flash forward to 2001 and (Star Trek) Enterprise arrives. The very talented Scott Bakula is the perfect choice for captain and I’m looking forward to another crew and another exciting voyage…. Sadly the excitement never arrives. Apart from Captain Archer the characters all seem boring and 2D. T’pol is just plain annoying without any of the character strength that made Seven fascinating in Voyager. Worse still is that none of these characters really seem to be happy there. Gone are the bold brave explorers from the other Starfleet ships – instead we have a bunch of nervous tykes scared of what is around the next corner. These are meant to be heroes, role models even. Archer sometimes manages but the rest seem reluctant. I try and try to get into it reminding myself that TNG & DS9 took a while to hit their strides but it just doesn’t happen. The final nail in the coffin is Star Trek Nemesis. A weak remake of The Wrath Of Kahn where the writer & director seems to have failed to get a grasp of any of the characters I have loved for the last two decades.

It’s the first time a new TV season has started without any new Star Trek since 1987. A few years ago I’d have been devastated but now with my beloved Star Trek DVDs keeping me company (every single Star Trek ever… except Enterprise of course) I’m actually not bothered it’s actually woken me up to what else is out there. For starters we’ve had the excellent Doctor Who. Sheer brilliance and I’m eagerly awaiting David Tennant’s ‘Christmas Invasion’

There’s Lost on Channel 4 (well it seems more like an hour of adverts with a bit of Lost every now and then!) – and I’m hooked. What’s a polar bear doing on a tropical island. How does a wheelchair bound man suddenly develop the ability to walk? What’s that French radio broadcast? Who is the mysterious man in a suit that is being spotted?

I’ve also discovered Sci-Fi Channel’s excellent remake of Battlestar Galactica. I detested the original – far too garish but this is sheer genius. It’s how Enterprise should have been, gritty, realistic but above all engaging and intelligent. No dumb technobabble and genuine raw emotion the commander is not afraid to speak his mind and tell the crew how he feels (“Get out of my office while you still can…”) much more interesting that the reserved Starfleet officers.

This summer we’ve had Batman Begins and War Of The Worlds, two absolutely gripping SF films, not to mention Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, the forthcoming King Kong. And of course there’s the excellent Half Blood Prince Potter continuation.

So other Trekkers out there fear not. Take off your Federation Blinkers, stop the TNG DVD you’re playing and take a look at the hoards of new Science Fiction that is being produced. Perhaps life without Trek isn’t too bad after all…

House Hunting Stressful?

Back in February when I started house hunting I was told it’s the most stressful thing you’ll ever do. Countlessy, again and again. To be honest though I loved it. I was fascinating going around and viewing homes. Being nosy and seeing other peoples decors and ways of living. I loved mentally mapping out how I’d have the house. The solicitor bit didn’t seem stressful – just long. Like taking loads of little steps instead of just buying the damn house. I do have my girlfriend to thank there though – she’d been through the process before and did most of the paper work.
Taking the house on and decorating it has been great fun. Paint flying everywhere, picking colour schemes and taps. Using rollers, and yes lads…. Power tools! For every bit of work completed you do you find another niggly little bit of work to be done. No big jobs as such just lots of little ones.

It was only in the final few weeks that the annoyance set in. The house was ours, the moving in date was set but there was still so much to do. It was the limbo of being able to see the goal line but not reach it. Sooo frustrating. The knowing that the house was there, it was ours – we could move in tomorrow except there was no kitchen.. Finally we’re in though and, touch-beech-effect-coated-woodchip, no stress!

When did I become a web junky?

It’s almost three months since I had to disconnect broadband for my house move. Talk Talk have been awfully slow at getting us reconnected – telling us different things at different times. SO much so that when my obligation to them runs out I will be terminating my contract with them. If they hadn’t have farted around so much and kept blaming it on BT (whom, I’ve discovered, had nothing to do with the problems) we could have been re-connected a month ago.

Anyway that’s not the point. What I want to know is when I became addicted to the internet. The first month offline was fine. I had a PDA to check my email and doing that once every few days was enough. By month two I was starting to miss the forums I post on, the film & sci-fi news sites and even browsing Ebay. But I could cope.

By month three and I really found it a pain that I couldn't get online. Everyday something cropped up that I wouldn’t have minded googling. The history of New Orleans, more info on Lost. Some research for a Halloween Party I’m organising.

It got worse and worse. I think of friends I’ve made on some forums, do they think I’m dead? What about other blogs I read, how are those people? Has Queen of the Skies successfully sued Delta Arlines? Is Diamond Geezer still expertly turning the most trivial East End London trivia into enthralling reading? It’s also quite worrying on how dependant I must be on the internet. For a start my music purchases are became lot more expensive. I’m amazed at how much more expensive the high street is for DVD & CDs than Play, Amazon or i-Tunes.

Back in 1996 when I first connected I never imagined the net would become such a big part of my life. Then it was just a good way of killing time for 10 mins looking up spoilers of the latest DS9 episodes. But now it really has become another community I’m part of. Now that the connection is back I’m going to have to apologise to my girlfriend and immerse myself for a few weeks to catch up. Looks like the kitchen walls will have to wait….

Sod's Law

At long last my web connection has been sorted from my new abode and I'm back to blogging!

It's typical though. The summer I don’t have access to my Blog is the summer loads happens. London Bombings, Harry Potter, Live Eight, Olympic decision, Lost and Big Brother. There’s me moving house, loads of cinema visits and films to talk about as well as my Djing dates and radio work. There’s the sad death of James Doohan and the tragedy in New Orleans. Not to mention a visit to Warwick Castle, Blackpool and Alton Towers to report on as well as a week’s break in Cornwall. Oh well guess I’ve got quite a bit to talk about over the next few weeks…

Sill Here

*Sigh* Well the move has gone as planned but web connection hasn't. I hope to be back online and blogging soon.

xx
smeg

Farewell Flat Four

So yesterday family, friends and I braved the heat of the hottest day in the world to empty the flat, my unofficial home since 2002. I’m always sad leaving properties full of happy memories. I’ve done it twice before though this time it is with the excitement of moving into a property I will actually own.






It’s not going to be for a few weeks which also means this is probably my final post for the time being. I hope to brave a PDA or friends computer so that I may say Hi, but in case not – I’ll see you in the future!

Favourite Bottle

So last night, under the cover of darkness the girlfriend and I sneaked to the local bottle bank and deposited all our empties. (We didn’t want to look like Alcoholics) There was a satisfying crunch and crash as we did our bit for the environment. One sad loss was this bottle.





Chateau Spook. One of my favourite tipples has long been Bulmers Strongbow Cider. So I was chuffed to find this special Halloween edition a few years back. Sadly the contents were vile but the bottle was cool. I’m going to miss the view of the Bulmers factory from Flat 4’s window when we move out. I’m not going to miss the gorgeous smell it produces every autumn though – you see my new house is right next door the factory! One of the huge Strongbow vats being right at the end of my street!

Gotta Lotta Bottle

Moving house is a sad time. The main reason is it means closing my third ever wine diary. It was a tradition started back at University by Hall mates Ruth and Sarah. I never did discover the totals of my first year residence at halls. In second and third year we didn’t keep it as strict as we should. Barely scraping double figures our wine & spirits diary hardly filled the top of the kitchen cupboards. (Believe it or not Peter Stringfellow, that bloke with crap hair, also keeps a wine diary!)

Back in January 2002 my girlfriend started hers at her flat, the flat we’ll be leaving next week. So are we alchoholics? In three years… here are the totals..






That’s a lot of Jesus Juice, but refreshingly not as much as I predicted. Now it’s off to the local bottle bank with the above products… will only take two trips!

Ch'mon...

Twenty years ago Michael Jackson was the self proclaimed King Of Pop. The music he churned out was some of the best in the world. Great original tunes like Beat It, Billie Jean and, of course, Thriller. But that was two decades ago. He hasn’t delivered anything of note for years. It is this reason why I dread his inevitable re-launch now he has been proven innocent. He will have a number one – I can guarantee that but will it be a number one down to talent, or simply a number one of pity and media hype? In the days where a blue frog can get to number one on the back a ring-tone an even weirder looking creature is bound to get to number one on the back of a world press dominating court case.

It’s a shame because the embarrassing spectacle of MJ releasing a snivelling song saying he was ‘innocent all along’ will further dilute the once great image he had. Of course If I’m wrong and we see a return to form from the Neverland One I will happily toast him a glass of Jesus Juice.

Sub-Standards?

I was highly anticipating the opening of Subway in the city. I’d heard so many good things about the chain. Healthy, tasty and freshly made. I strode up to the counter awkwardly, not being familiar with the store I wasn’t quite sure of the procedure but was amazed by the five staff eagerly waiting to prepare my food. I chose Chicken & Bacon Ranch, Hearty Italian Bread and decided to go the whole hog for a ‘fat bastard’ foot-long. That’s when the first worrying thing happened. Rather than treating my baguette lovingly with TLC it was sliced and manhandled by each of the staff in turn. They were wearing gloves and I’m sure they adhered to the many food prep regulations but there was something off-putting by five pairs of hands roughly flattening the baguette open and shoving in the ingredients. It was like watching ER except the operation was faster. At one point I half expected the meat stuffer to scream for a scapel.

The end result was encouraging. The baguette was stuffed with cucumber lettuce and some onion. It did indeed look tasty and fresh. Then came the shock.

“That’s £5.40 please.”

Wow. For one baguette, no extras, no drink no cookie. £5.40.

I don’t think I’ll be going to Subway again. Yes it was delicious. But for £5.40 I can buy three baguettes from Morrissons (which would be much more than a footl ong) and still have enough change for a drink. Also, two minutes walk away from Subway is our local Greggs. Baguettes there are as little as £1.50 for a gorgeous range of fillings. (And of course the freshly baked Sausage Rolls mmmm…) For £5.40 I’d at least expect a drink, or possibly gold plated cutlery and a side pot of caviar… Not asking much is it?

Oh so very very tired....

The 24-hour bowl night went really fast. We were playing Scrabble well into the early hours – frustratingly even a dictionary couldn’t help us in achieving many words longer than four letters – though I did manage ‘lockers’ at one point. At 4am we joined the charity bowlers for a game before moving to the pool area for a game of nine-ball. At seven we both started to lag. Stretching out listening to Chris Moyles. Those final two hours seemed longer than the previous six.

Still it was nice to see the sun rise and sit outside in the still of the dawn with barely a sound. Even at the edge of a dull trading estate the start of the day was as glorious as it could possibly be. Shame I missed the rest of the day by spending it in bed.

Mr Sandman...

I have to stay awake.

I won’t be going to bed until exactly 24hours from now.

But how do I do it?

I’ve done ‘all nighters’ before. In 1998 I was up until 5am completing my design coursework. In 2000 I stayed up until 6am helping refit the bowling centre. In 2001 I got to bed about 8am after flying back from Cyprus. In 2002 I was up until 5am finishing my dissertation.

Tonight I am supervising the bowling centre from 11pm – 9am as a charity aims to complete a 24 hour bowl.

I did try ‘time shifting’ – going to bed later and later each night and getting up later each morning but by last night was knackard and went to be early. I’ll be fine until 4am but that’s where I’ll start to struggle. I have dug out my Rocket Fuel Coffee in preparation – it kept me going through dissertation day, and I have supplies of Red Bull ready but I really don’t know how I’m going to get through the twilight hours from 4 – 9am. This afternoon I will try going back to bed but I know, just know I won’t sleep. I never can in daylight.

Unlike D-Day and A Levels I will not be going it alone which is a bonus. There will be other staff sharing the ‘fun’ – we’ve already contemplated playing Monopoly, watching Big Brother and even bowling ourselves.

Perhaps I should give in – take a sleeping bag with me just in-case. Anyway, I’ll report back tomorrow and find out how I went!

Changing the tunes...

You may have noticed I’ve stopped logging my weekly Saturday night DJ gigs lately. No particular reason except that they’ve all been average. I haven’t had any disastrous nights in ages but like wise I haven’t has any exceptional nights. It’s not a bad thing, the clients have all been lovely as have the crowds but many have been simply ‘painting by numbers’.

Saturday was slightly different. It was a 60th birthday party which to some extent filled me with dread. Rock and Roll and 60s hits all night could get a bit dull. I like to play a bit of everything. The birthday girl surprised me though by asking for Green Day. Puzzled I played it. The dance floor got distinctly busier. I followed it up with James ‘Sit Down’, Feeder ‘Buck Rogers’ and The Dandy Warhols ‘Bohemian Like You’. They loved it. How far could I push it? I dared one of the ultimate Indie anthems; Reef ‘Place Your Hands’. They loved it more. It wasn’t the busiest night. Heck it wasn’t the best night I’ve done but being able to play something so different to the normal routines of Wham, Lulu and the B52s was very, very refreshing.

Big Brother Bit.
I’m fast realising that we have some of the most awful housemates in History. Kemal, Craig and Lesley in particular are vile. Constant bitching. Sure it’s the bitching that can make the show but you don’t want it 24/7. Some of the best bits in Big Bro are the moments the housemates bond and have a laugh. The wall painting in BB1 or the dancing task in BB2. The negativity in this year’s house is starting to grow tiresome. Normally during BB I don’t bother to even buy a TV guide knowing that it’ll make up much of my TV viewing. Today though the other channels may find their figures increase by one viewer.

Uniform Views

6 months ago the Safeways that’s 5 minutes walk from me became a Morrisons. I love it. The range is much better, as is the salad bar and selection of sandwich filling however there’s one thing that bugs me. The uniforms. They’re so ugly! It’s not just Morrisons though it’s all supermarkets.

It’s not fair. All the big high street retail giants carefully design their uniforms to represent their image. HMV and Starbucks have simple but nice polo shirts with company logo. The mobile phone giants have specially designed stylish suits. What do supermarkets get? Puffy boiler shirts in a range of vomit like colours. Morrisons is a hideous blend of purples and blacks made out of the same material as sleeping bags. The cut is hideously unfashionable looking very 60s like. Surely supermarkets are keen to promote a fresh clean image so why are the uniforms stuck in a timewarp. Sure they have to be practical but a stylish shirt with simple trousers is all I ask for. 90% of the staff wearing them look unhappy. Mr WM Morrison hear this. Making your staff happier by giving them better uniforms would give a much more positive image to us – the consumers!

So are there any other hideous uniforms out there? I’d love to hear the sickening details.

Big Brother Bit: When will we ever learn? Once again the nation has voted out the most interesting housemate meaning that Big Brother’s entertainment factor is going to suffer. Sure Mary was as mad as a box of frogs but she was different, a character we’d never seen in the show. Craig is a bitchy camp man -–we've seen plenty of those over the years of Big Brother, yet for some reason you’ve decided that you want another helping… zzzzzzz.

Summer of Bruv

Summer is finally here. It arrived yesterday in a gorgeous display of blue skies and muggy heat. Sadly I was stuck indoors on an 8-hour bar shift. Not to worry though because yesterday evening was another sure sign that summer was here. The annual event that now seems to define the summer (at least according to the tabloids and my TV viewing habits.) Yes Big Brother is back and I’m glad. I dislike most Reality TV choosing properly crafted dramas over Z List celebs desperately trying to resurrect their career.

Big Brother is different though. It’s huge. It can offer an insight into different lives. Last years was a parody of Big Brother of old, BB 6 seems to be continuing the trend. Originally the producers used to assemble a cross section of society under one roof but after the boring collection that was BB4 the producers have changed the direction. For the second year running we have a collection of misfits and polar opposites – and do you know what – I’m looking forward to it. We have an African Princess who despises swearing living with a Hairdresser than loves it. We have someone who hates racists living with some who “isn’t racist” but “hates immigrants.”

Let the games begin…

The Force Is Strong In This One

I wouldn’t call myself a Star Wars fan. My loyalties lie with the United Federation Of Planets and the USS Enterprise – not the Rebellion and the Millennium Falcon however being a general Science Fiction fan I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to go to the local premiere of Revenge Of The Sith.

This morning we travelled the 45 miles to Cheltenham to get the first showing. (I live 5 minutes walk from Hereford’s cinema but believe me it’s so crap I’d rather go out of my way…)

So the verdict. It’s good to see a film that finally feels like a Star Wars movie. Let’s face Phantom Menace was crap, it really was. Clones while enjoyable is not on a par with the cinematic experience the original trilogy. Today really felt like I was finally watching the origins of the legendary SF icons that are Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. The film is breathtaking. While the previous prequals made a point of showing off the CGI (the pointless podrace for instance) this film actually felt that the CG was justified. Yoda doesn’t feel like a glorified computer character like Jar Jar did – he seems just like an actor. There are dodgy moments. While Hayden Christensen’s acting hasn’t improved Ewan McGregor’s impersonation of Alec Guinness has. Lucas’s ability to write romance is still lousy but his direction has tightened. (Though this may be due to help from Steven Spielburg if rumours are true)

The Wookie scenes were crowd pleasers and Mace Windu’s final battle with the Chancellor was tense as we finally see the moment Annakin turns. The one bit that did stick out like a sore thumb was Darth Vader’s howl of “Nooooooooooooooo!” at the end, really doesn’t feel right - especially as the set exploding around him was more than enough to portray the struggle of Annakin’s emotions.

This is the film that will finally please the Star Wars fanboys and even have the more casual fans like myself excited about the Jedi… perhaps I may purchase the original Trilogy on DVD after all…

Get Well Soon

I was shocked by this morning’s announcement that one of my idols has breast cancer. It was confirmed that Kylie Minogue is pulling out of her tour and Glastonbury due to this terrible news. I wish her the speediest of recoveries and hopes she gets through it as quickly as possible. It is terrible terrible news but I hope some good comes out of it. Kylie Minogue is incredibly high profile – if the news that even someone as seemingly immortal as her can be struck with cancer means that someone out there checks themselves and finds a lump then it can only be positive.

If she’s open about the condition she can influence thousands of fans to check themselves and potentially save lives. It’s weird as I was going to write a blog last week to say how I didn’t enjoy the Showgirl concert on Channel 4 – despite Kylie being one of my favourite ever pop stars. Glad I didn’t now!

Still I’m sure in the near future we will see another spectacular concert from Kylie showing why she’s one of the nations favourites.

Where Have All The UFO's Gone?

It’s the mid-nineties. A young teen snuggles up in his duvet under the glow of his television ready for another exciting adventure of Mulder & Scully. Opposite him a poster bearing the words ‘ I Want To Believe’ with a fuzzy UFO in the background. On his bookcase are a number of volumes of the unexplained and case files of The X Files. If you hadn’t have guessed that young teen was me 11 or so years ago. In the brief period of time when the X-files replaced Star Trek & Red Dwarf in my heart. Of course we all know that after Season Three The X Files collapsed under the weight of it’s own mythology and turned from the interesting show it was to the confusing and rambling unwatchable show it became.

Back then the tabloids were littered daily with UFO sightings. ITN News filled a multitude of ‘And Finally’s’ with the latest flying saucer report. Usually featuring a Slack Jawed Yokel bliterhing on about his pigs being worried. There were endless articles over the secrets of Area 51 too.

It’s now the mid-naughties and, it seems, UFO sightings have all but ceased. But how? Since the UFO flap caused by the popularity of The X Files we have easier access to cameras. People have them on their phones and have more sophisticated digital cameras which were barely a twinkle in Kodak’s eyes back then. With more cameras around shouldn’t we be seeing more UFOs?

Is this proof that they didn’t exist in the first place? The X Files served as a catalyst for those who wanted to believe to mis-represent satellites, stars, planes and balloons as UFO’s. Or is it that we’ve moved on to a new stage in the UFO phenomenon.

Since Kenneth Arnold first saw his flying saucers in 1947 people have wanted the truth. It’s out there, I just hope we find it.

UFO News
UFO Resources

Big Black Oblivion Hood

Typical, the week I buy myself a nice new hoody (with the Oblivion logo on no less) shopping centres around the UK start to ban them. I feel like a criminal by just donning the 100% cotton garment. Anyway that's one urban menace that's starting to be dealt with but what of the other? I've written about the foul demons that are Chuggers a few times in this this blog but finally a website - from the makers of chavscum.co.uk has arrived to promote getting rid of them.

If this was an election topic last week it would have got my vote.

Long Term Commitment

Back in February I hinted in my blog that I was about to make the biggest decision of my life. This decision will lead to the biggest commitment of my life – a 30-year mortgage. Yes I’m on the verge of buying a house. 30 years is a long time and it set me thinking about what, up until now, has been my biggest commitment.

My girlfriend? Nope. My longest relationship is the one I’m currently in. 3 years, 4 months and 1 day so far.

School? Nope. Primary school was 1985 – 1991. 6 years. Secondary school was 1991 – 1996, 5 years. Sixth Form a mere 2 years and university 3 years.

Work? Nope. I started at my present employer on April 2nd 1997. It’s now 2005 so that’s 8 years and 1 month.

So what is it then? The answer landed on my doormat this morning. Issue 131 of my favourite magazine is its tenth anniversary special. I have bought every issue, even subscribing for the last 5 years. 10 years of reading SFX magazine is the biggest commitment in my life. If it continues to be as well written, witty and entertaining as it has been for the last 10 years (except for a few years when there was far too much Buffy coverage for my liking) then no doubt in 2015 it’ll still be the longest commitment in my life. By that time though, I will need a much bigger bookcase to store them all on…

Happy Birthday SFX.

Wheelchair Wierdness

One thing that struck me yesterday about my visit to Alton Towers was this weird incident... click away.

Day Out...

I've been looking forward to today for the last two weeks. Why? Well I'm off to one of my favourite places in the world.

Alton Towers here we come!!

Traffic Island Dics

Throughout March and April I did a series of posts based on Album’s that have influenced my life (I will reprise this at some point.) But I have been asked what about a single track? What is my favourite song?

This is a tough one. I have many tracks I love, Wake Up Boo by The Boo Radlys, Eternity, Better Man and Feel are great songs from Robbie Williams. I love the chilling vocals from Freddie Mercury on Queen’s You Take My Breath Away. Dodgy’s Self Doubt and DB Boulavard’s Point Of View and Kylie Minogue’s I Did It Again are regular plays for me.

But the one track that I love, the one track that always makes me stop and listen is Groove Armada’s At The River. It’s a sample of Old Cape Cod by Patti Page. All it takes are the first two lines and repeats them;

“If you’re fond of sand dunes and salty air,
Quaint little villages here and there,”

There’s a mellow accompaniment on the trumpet and a dreamy bass line which is the ultimate de stress and chill out track. As I’ve mentioned before I did have a brief period of life back in 2001/2002 where I struggled to get through things. In the evenings I used to return home and listen to chillout music to relax. It’s the sounds of At The River that helped the most.