The Month Of Hell

Its finally here. The month were the nation becomes obsessed with football. I hate it.
Two of my best mates like this sport. Normally I love their company as they are both into the SF Genre like me and our conversations often spiral into discussions of Bond, Lost and Doctor Who. For the next month I will feel like an outcast as team tactics and results are discussed. Everywhere you look overweight men in England shirts walk the streets while cars are made to look distinctly shit with naff flags flying from all windows.

I’ve stocked up on DVDS and I’m planning to get my aerial fixed so I can finally get Freeview - and thus TV that lacks any hint of ball control - I wont be subscribing to ‘Channel X’ obviously.

Even then you’re still not safe. Because I’m male I’m automatically presumed to be a football fan. I’ll go into pubs or at work a complete stranger will ask ‘what did you think if the match?’ When I tell them I don’t follow the sport I’m looked at as if I’m a leper.

Why cant there be an alternative world cup for non football fans? International tea making or hot-dog eating. I’d watch that. There was a glimmer of hope a few years back when Robot Wars was popular - I really got into that and had visions of it becoming a popular multinational ‘sport’. Sadly poor treatment from BBC and Five soon scuppered that.

So excuse me if I’m tetchy from now until July 9th its simply because I’m being forced to care about something in which I have absolutely no interest.

Ill be in the garden if you need me...