The Best Big Brother Yet?

Every year I post on this blog how pissed off I am with Big Brother. Why oh why can't they return to the simple style of the first few series. No media wannabies, no bimbos, no freaks, no twists, no turns.

Just 10 INTERESTING people. People that are over 25, people that have actually experienced some real life not just the 'sample' of life that you get until your around 18/19 when your still sheltered by your parents. 

If the Big Brother producers aren't capable of that then why not really go down the twists route. Not the pathetic boring 'we have another house' style twists that they think are amazingly clever. (They're not.) Pretend there's been a huge life changing event outside the house, drip feed the housemates news of bombs or a mass pandemic really fuck with their minds.

For a while I though this would make an excellent book, so right now I'm really pissed off that someone has beaten me to it.... but when I discovered that someone to be Charlie Brooker the hatred ceased and now I just can't wait to see the results.

Big Brother + Zombie apocalypse x Charlie Brooker = awesome, it might just even top Shaun Of The Dead...

BB's Big Giveaway

An Elstree Studios production office somewhere in Borehamwood. The series producer and various other Big Brother show runners are sat around a table discussing ideas to boost the flagging ratings.

Producer 3: We could always bring back Jade?
Producer 1: You’re fired.
Producer 2: Wait a minute I have it.
P1: Go on.
P2: What if we can convince the housemates that the £100k prize fund has already been won…by somebody in the house?
P3: We could say that the public have been voting for the winner all along.
P2: No no, even better than that, we get the housemates to chose the winner.
P1: I like it. Could cause friction, tension. Make it uncomfortable for the winner and even worse for those that think they’re not going to win a penny. Something to really argue over instead of just bananas all the time. How do we go about it?
P2: Easy. A live show, we show the housemates the £100k, announce that one of them is going to win it and they have to decide.
P1: Brilliant then we give them 24 hours to decide.
P3: Even better, we give them 1 minute.
P1: What?
P2: 1 minute. Imagine the sensation it will cause!
P1: But if we give them 24 hours we could give the ratings a real boost. The show will be unmissable as the housemates spend 24 hours debating and arguing who deserves the money. The live stream ratings will surge and as word of mouth spreads throughout offices and workplaces tomorrow we will get a much healthier figure for the highlights show because people want to see what happened and who wins.
P2: No, give them 1 minute. People will want to watch to see the fallout.
P1: Right. Um, one minute then. Then what? We have a huge fanfare and celebrity to present the money to convince the housemates that the £100k really has gone?
P2: No, no, no! We just cut to an extremely anti-climatic awkward 2 minutes of live stream and end the show with Davina looking slightly embarrassed.
P3: Brilliant! It can’t fail!

I mean seriously. What the feck was that? They have 13 weeks to fill and a great opportunity to create some unmissable TV is crow barred into the space of five minutes. Perhaps it’s time to switch off again for the forth year in a row…

Day 16 relections

Well it’s official this is the longest I have watched Big Brother for about 4 years, and I’m still enjoying it. It seems, however, that the fans aren’t. DSBB, one of the leading Big Brother forums are ripping the show to threads.

There are definitely flaws – one thing that’s glaring is how boring is must be in the house. The Big Brother I was a fan of a few years ago set long tasks that the HMs had to tackle. Tasks that would last days and help create some bonding. Where have these gone? Instead we have a silly break-dancing task, a dinner date and a tin of sardines. No wonder all they do is argue, there is nothing else for them to do. Is this really what the last few BBs have been like?

I still like the all women thing. I’m glad the producers have resisted flooding the house with men – seeing how Ziggy copes is interesting.

The negativity does concern me. I remember arguments in Big Brother 2 (my favourite series) but never on this scale daily. I remember the HMs being much more fun. Perhaps it’s because there were more people with more life experience and less wannabies.

One thing I’ve learnt is that the phrase ‘I’m not bovvered’ actually means the exact opposite. Emily, Chanelle, Charley and Nicky have all been guilty of this. They utter those three words… then carry on arguing about whatever they’re not ‘bovvered’ about. Usually for about 3 hours.

Tracey is my hero though. Her chat with Gerry was spot on and something that I’ve often thought – not only while watching Big Brother but when having to suffer whinging in general. ‘Deal with it.’ It’s something younger people seem unable to do these days. When faced with a challenge or crises rather than sensibly try and solve it far too many people just winge or expect someone else to do the work for them.

Also good this year is Charley. The best pantomime villain in Big Brother since Nasty Nick. She maybe a vile creature with a hugely inflated opinion of herself but she’s providing some great ‘she’s behind you’ moments!

Big Sister

For the past few years I’ve bemoaned Big Brother. Series 1 & 2 and to a lesser extent 3 were, for me, fantastic and thoroughly enjoyable. However since 5 onwards the show has been a total freakshow – put in place solely for Big Brother to torment. Not as good fun as the interaction and paranoia of the earlier series where BB tended to let the house mates get on with it without all those annoying ‘twists.’

I loved the race row in Celeb BB. Finally it was the show it was meant to be 7 years ago. Real people, real issues. Sadly the Whitehouse brigade disagreed and Big Brother has had to change to survive. They had two options really. Go back to the early series with a more ‘normal’ cross section of society and just observe or do something totally different.

They’ve done both.

The something totally different is that the house is all female. And while this seems odd look beneath this twist and actually the characters all seem far more grounded. More like the people you’d meet in the street than the caricatures that populated Big Brothers 5,6 and 7.

This has filled me with hope, hope that finally, after 3 years there may be a Big Brother that’s watchable. Of course it won’t last. The producers haven’t the guts to stick to an all female cast. The men will be along sooner than later and, I fear, that’s when I’ll switch off.