The Worst Year

Go to Facebook. Go on. What do you see? I bet somewhere in your timeline is a post bemoaning 2012. A friend declaring their hatred of the last twelve months and happy that a new beginning is arriving with the coming of 2013.

I usually hate these posts. Time is a creation of humans to rationalise the chaos that is existence. How on Earth does changing your wall calender magically reboot your life in a positive note? Life, I've always thought, is what you make of it.

All that changed on May 3rd of this year when my workplace was seriously damaged by fire. Utterly out of my control I faced a limbo while decisions were made about how to move forward. We reopened but it was tentative steps. We were damaged and uncertainty hung over us everyday. This continued until 19th September when it was announced we were to be taken over by a national company.

I tried to stay positive. I knew I'd miss working for a family owned business but surely a national chain would bring stability and investment? Sure enough builders moved in on day one to repair the fire damage and give the building a much needed re-fresh.

Three months on and I hate it. A head office 200 or-so miles away just can't relate to our needs. Every day brings a fresh battle against red-tape and paperwork. Everything we do has to be justified to the point where it's holding us back.

The knock-on effect is evident too. Out of work I've little enthusiasm or positivity for anything right now, when I get home I just want to withdraw and spend time to myself which isn't good for my fiancee or son.

So yeah, good riddance 2012. Tomorrow I will return to work. A building that was once filled with fun and happiness but now just a shell to what was but I will return knowing only I can change things. That fresh new calendar on the wall is a line drawn under the past. A line to step over, a starting gun in the race to find happiness again. Bring on 2013.

Get down Shepperton

It’s 16.47 on a cold January night and I’m stood in America’s deep west in 1855 excitedly tweeting that I’m about to board a spaceship.

I’ve been waiting a long time for this. Since 1998 in fact, when I last set foot onto Shepperton Studios backlot. It’s not the wild west - it’s an unknown film set on the edge of a carpark that marks the queue line for ticket-holders to the filming of Red Dwarf.

That night in 1998 is a very happy, hazy memory now. Visiting the set of the TV series you’ve grown up loving was such a barrage to the senses that I didn’t take it in. I just gazed open-mouthed at Lister, Kryten, The Cat and Rimmer, idols all there, right infront of me. If it wasn’t for the fact the DVD of Red Dwarf VIII is on my shelf I possibly wouldn’t be able to recall much of what I saw back when I was an excited 18-year-old in a geeky Red Dwarf baseball jacket.

Flash forward to 2012 and once again I’m wearing that jacket. Unfortunately it hasn’t developed a cider & Pringles belly like I have, so it’s slightly tighter but I don’t care. I’ve promised my self I’d savour every moment this time and not just gape. But walking onto Stage K at Shepperton my mouth plunges. The sets are stunning. They are brand new of course, a completely new take on the classic Red Dwarf bunk room. No longer stark-white or ocean grey but complemented with deep earthy tones, blimey they’re gorgeous. Perfect. I catch myself, pinch myself and start breathing again as our guide for the evening, Ray Peacock, introduces himself and the crew.

The cast step out in their new costumes. Again all new. Again so, so right. I love Red Dwarf, I’ll lap anything up if it claims to be new Red Dwarf but I’ll admit the recent Back To Earth special on Dave wasn’t quite right. Within minutes of ‘action’ being called I knew this WAS Red Dwarf. This was funny. Humour derived from the characters - the characters we’ve loved since 1988. It felt like early Red Dwarf with a long scene of dialogue between Lister & Rimmer. It could have come straight from Marooned. This is why I adore this show.

Despite being on a space ship 3 million years into the future you can connect with these characters. To me the crew of Red Dwarf have always felt much more real and raw than any incarnation of Star Trek has ever managed, and that’s a show that prides its self on exploring the human condition. The situations the Red Dwarf crew are put through might be bat-shit crazy but the characters have always remained grounded. It’s when the characters go 2-D, which happened occasionally in later series, that Red Dwarf loses its edge and goes a bit pantomime. (Lister, Kochanski & Cat Dibblying it up in Back In The Red and the whole Blue Midget/Cat dance were my personal lows....and I saw that being filmed!)

Through a stroke of luck I ended up seeing two episodes of Red Dwarf X that night. Episode One is very series V in feel and focuses on one character in a way we haven’t seen for a long time. It’s good, very good and the gag rate is brilliant. Meanwhile episode five feels closer to series II. Quite talky, some new character development and a revelation that made the whole audience gasp.
The night was wonderful and the cast all on top-form. Robert Llewellyn in particular plunged himself into Kryten’s character maintaining it even when cameras weren’t rolling. Peacock was a fantastic warm up. Some great interaction with the audience - stealing guests food and teasing the floor manager. I’d happily pay to see him again, let alone see more Red Dwarf.

All too soon the shoot ended, and we were abruptly ushered out into the real world and the glamour of a film studios left behind for the excitement of Sunbury Premier Inn.

So yeah, that’s it. I’d love to go into detail about what I saw but Doug Naylor swore us to secrecy and as co-creator of my favourite telly the least I can do is respect that.

If you’re a fan of Red Dwarf you are in for a treat when X airs on Dave in September.

Listen, do you smell something?

'I want to believe' proclaimed the poster that adorned Fox Mulder's office wall, and later my student bedroom. You see I'd love to believe but I'm a man of science. I need data, statistics & evidence. That's why I was a tad disappointed when I tagged along on a local ghost hunt to mark Halloween last weekend.

There were no PKE metres, no Ecto-goggles. Just a pair of duff movement sensors and a pair of mediums.

Yes, mediums.

There are people out there that fully believe in psychics/mediums but it's not for me. I follow the Derren Brown view that it's all trickery & performance. Ouija boards are less likely to be a form of communication with the spirit world - more an indicator of the ideomotor effect I didn't see anything that night that convinced me otherwise. The mediums put on a good show but that's all I ever felt it was.

So with such a sceptical outlook why did I even bother to go? Well, skeptics aren't nessecarily non-believers. For so many reports of hauntings and spectres throughout the history of humankind there must be something in it. But what? I don't actually believe that ghosts are restless souls. Instead perhaps they're some kind of recording? Some fluke of atmospheric condition or geo-magnetics. Perhaps they're not even physical but all in the mind, triggered by something unique to the locale in which they're sighted.

Anyway my ghosthunt last weekend proved fruitless, but it was great fun and it was amazing to gain access to historic buildings in Hereford that are usually out-of-bounds. The strange, pale, glowing monk in The Black Lion even agreed.

Out Of Date?

Yes, I kid you not - less than one month left but 2009 calendars are still available in town!

Star Trek Traning

So I now have a 3 month old son.

Most dad's would be starting to wonder how to share their passions with their child. For a lot fo dads this would be football. How best to ensure their son follows the 'right' team etc. Of course I'm not into football instead Science Fiction is my passion. I'd love mini-me to share that interest but how do I go about it? How do I introduce him to Star Trek. Which series do you start with and if you're starting with the original series do you show him the new film first or the old 60s stuff?

Thankfully wired.com has this guide to making sure your child is a Trekkie:

10: Talk like William Shatner: “Hey… kids. Time… to… take out the trash.”
They’ll soon wonder who holds the patent on this eloquent way of speaking.
9:
Build a phaser for the school science fair: Chances are, you’ll at least be able
to build a phaser that works on stun. If you throw it at someone.
8: Play
“What Would Spock Do?” All kids are faced with times they have to make logical
decisions, make it interesting by channeling the values of everyone’s favorite
Vulcan.
7: Refer to your car as “The Enterprise NCC-1701-A” and going to
visit the in-laws as “going through the worm-hole to fight the Jem’Hadar.”
Nothing says how much you enjoy a visit to the in-laws when you liken them to a
violent warrior race jacked up on drugs.
6: Pay out allowances in
gold-pressed Latinum. - Considering the price of gold, this may be hard to come
by, but completely worth it if you can pull it off.
5: Call your eldest child
“Number 1.” On second thought, this might sound like favoritism, but follow it
up with “Make it so,” and to their siblings it’ll just seem like they are
receiving the brunt of the chores.
4: Make the kids drink Earl Grey tea.
“Because that’s what Jean-Luc drinks.”
3: Dress up like a Klingon and take
them to a Star Trek convention. Nothing tests the bonds of love more than
hanging out with a family member dressed like a Klingon.
2: After dinner
every night have a family discussion concerning the positives and negatives of
the Prime Directive. Most specifically, identify which neighbors would qualify
as “Pre-Warp” civilizations.
1: Teach them that instead of cursing when
frustrated or angry, yell “KHAAAAAAAN!!” Their friends may give them strange
looks, so teach them to clench their fists and furrow their brow to sell
it.

It's Official

Summer 2009 has now begun!

The Edgar Street Grind

18 months ago I was a huge supporter of the Edgar Street Grid project. A huge scheme to redevelop half of Hereford including a desperately needed link road, new retail centre, multi-screen cinema, affordable homes and transport hub.

It would bring Hereford kicking and screaming into the 20^th century, create jobs and aid the retention of 20-somethings that disappear off to uni and never come back.

Now though, things are different and the people behind ESG need to realise this.

Hereford is dying. Over 55 retail units in the centre of the city lie empty while those that remain are struggling. We’ve lost Chadds – our local department store – which has been replaced by a scruffy pound shop. Zavvi & Woolworths are gone. Charlotte’s Bar has locked its doors. Babyland has been aborted. Pubs are closing down, those that remain open are struggling and what was once one of the jewels of Hereford, the Leftbank Village, is lying empty and deserted.

What is the point in redeveloping half of Hereford if the half that’s already there is already struggling? It’s the city centre that needs the TLC not the Edgar Street Grid.

Ironically it is the area that the ESG plan is hoping to rip apart that is thriving. Along Widemarsh Street not one retail unit lies empty – all are small scale local businesses and they’re all doing well. Along Canal Road a new window fitters has opened and converted what was once a rundown garage into a tidy showroom. On Blackfriars Street work continues an old Plumb Centre has been transformed into a bright purple Freedom Cult, sorry, Church. While the cattle market, an ugly blot on one of Hereford’s main roads, is home to a string of successful small businesses.

Yet this is the area of Hereford planners want to tear apart. It makes no sense. Why needlessly uproot successful local businesses?

Hereford council, for the sake of this beautiful and historic city’s future please take a step back and reconsider where this is heading.

Right now it is the city centre that desperately needs the attention and rethinking.

Why not employ the talents of ESG to concentrate on High Town, Broad Street and the Commercial Road/Street area. While a new transport hub, affordable housing and multi-screen would be a great boon to the city what we don’t need right now is a big John Lewis led retail park taking attention away from the city centre. Why not bulldoze the old Chadd’s buildings and put it there instead?  

 

Bring the focus back to the centre, the heart of Hereford.

Consider My Kipper Smoked

As you can probably tell I'm a huge Dwarf fan. I've met the cast & crew a number of times and was on set for RD VIII and, as you can imagine I was counting down the days until Back To Earth on Dave.

Lets face facts, Red Dwarf had to evolve - it has done in the past and simply returning the show to the screens as it was in 1999 would be a mistake. (And while I'll happily defend VIII to its detractors it definitely wasn't Dwarf at its best)

TV has changed hugely since RD was last around. It was once the only science fiction being produced for UK TV but thanks to Dr Who's return Sci-Fi is now king again. Also shows are now expected to have involving characters with engrossing arcs - think Lost, Heroes, Life On Mars & Who

A new Dwarf needed to entice a whole new generation of fans just as Who has done and I think that's why we saw the Dwarf we got this weekend.

The characters & plot had more emotion, there was more of an element of drama than in the old gag-a-minute Red Dwarf. Look at the superb scene of Lister visiting Kochanski's grave. Very, very touching and an great echo of the more emotional character based moments of Series I & II of Dwarf. (Think of the old scenes in the Observation Dome) In fact I think what we saw last weekend was what RD would have become if series I & II had evolved naturally rather than the shake up of series III that we did get.

I loved it.

Yes it was lacking in gags but the sheer joy of seeing these characters live again was brilliant. Yes there were some cringy moments; Kryten's entry and Rimmer humping the table but there were also moments of gold - the put downs of the TV sales man, the Blade Runner style photo investigation and the comic book shop scene. Also how amazing did the show look considering its budget was less than 3 episodes of Series II back in 1988!

The big mistake was airing it in three parts rather than as one glorious whole - it needed a tighter edit however, this was Red Dwarf for the post 'New Who' generation and I'd welcome more of it.

In Five Year's Time

In the blog world I’ve been blogging for an eternity. Most manage a week to a month before losing the blogging urge. OK, while I’m not a prolific Blogger in the slightest (last year’s count fell drastically ho-hum) I can certainly claim to have a good bit of longevity.

Today marks my fifth anniversary in the blogosphere. It actually gone quick but, really, it’s a looong time.

A lot has changed in those five years too. Back in 2004 I was still very much in student mode. I’d been out of uni for just over 18 months and beer and pot noodles was still my way of living. Since 2004 however I’ve taken my first step on the property ladder as well as my first step on the radio ladder. That rung loosened though and it’s only in the last 6 months that broadcasting has become a regular part of life again.

Those hazy days of 2004 were all done on Dial-Up too – no high tech broadband back then. In fact the whole web 2.0 bubble was very much in its infancy. Flickr, Facebook and Twitter were unheard of and Lycos was still a popular web destination. Heck even blogger itself was in its pre-google buyout infancy.

Other changes in my life include becoming salaried – a huge change enabling me to better budget for mortgaged life and for the biggest, and most recent change in life – fatherhood.

Where next? I really can’t predict what I’ll be doing in 5 years time. The world is more unstable these days. It seems were heading for economic or climatic meltdown so rather than plan for the future I’d rather seize the moment. One thing’s for sure and that’s that the web doesn’t stand still. Who knows where blogging will go in 5 years. 

See you then?

Push

Wow.

That’s the only word that can sum it up.

At 21.55 this evening I became I father.

You’ve all seen childbirth on screen before. Sci Fi fans may remember Worf’s awkward delivery of Molly on the Enterprise. For most though, the TV version of childbirth best remembered will be that of Damien’s on Only Fools & Horses. That’s what I had in my head. The waiting, the swearing, the joyous crying.

Well it’s kind of like that but nothing can prepare you for actually experiencing it.

What no one has ever told me about is the fear and helplessness you feel as the male. There you are watching the person you love go through sheer agony and there’s nothing you can do about it. Well, there’s superficial things like soothing gestures and brow mopping but that’s it, that is all you can do and it is heartbreaking. Then there’s the boredom. You’re in that delivery room for a long time. It was a relief to get out of the room for 10 minutes for my own *ahem* delivery. Finally it’s the fear that kicks in. You realise that a lot can go wrong – especially when it gets to the point that epidurals and c-sections are being discussed.

Still, this long slog is totally worth it for the moment when you meet your child. The image of the midwife whipping him out and over onto Miss Smeg’s chest will forever be etched into my mind. Then there’s the moment I cut the cord before mini-me was cleaned down and, still screaming, placed into my arms. He stopped crying instantly, I however, didn’t.

Here we are, two hours later and I’m still on a high. It’s amazing and I wish words could capture it... oh and Miss Smeg only swore once.

I Hate Trekkies

The thing that really narks me about the forth-coming Star Trek film is that we
know they all survive. We know they go on to have a five year mission. That was
the problem with the Star Wars prequals too... we knew the outcome therefore
there was no sense of danger. Prequals suck.

A typical post on a Star Trek fandom board. It depresses me.

It also makes no sense.

If there's no sense of excitement then how come Warner Brother's Harry Potter series are so successful? Or New Line's Lord Of The Rings trilogy? Both film series where the full outcomes are available to read in printed form should you be bothered.

What of the Star Trek series when they were first shown on TV? We all knew the actors were tied down to 7 year contracts when watching the Next Generation therefore we all knew the status quo would be resumed by the end of the episode - did that really make the story any less dramatic? Of course not.

Only one TV series has ever managed to shock and awe with dramatic exits on characters and that's [spooks]. From deep fat fryers to carbombs you never know who is going to survive an episode - it's genius. But I wouldn't want all TV like that - things would just get too tense.

Paramount Pictures has given Star Trek a second chance (actually it's probably on it's fifth life by now) despite a dull previous film and dreary series in Enterprise the film studio is still willing to pump hundreds of millions pounds into the franchise. We, as Trekkies should be thankful but all I see is constant moaning;

'The warp nacelles are too bulky'
'The uniforms look dumb'
'Kirk should be more rugged'
'The bridge looks like an Apple store'

And to think that one of Star Trek's original mantras was 'infitnite diversity in infinite combinations'.

I for one can't wait. It looks awesome. It looks fresh but most of all - it's NEW frickin' STAR TREK!

Closing Doors

I Remember My First Time

There was the anticipation as I eagerly eyed her curves, knowing that soon it’d all be over. There was the nervousness, what if I chickened out? What if it wasn’t the amazing experience I’d always imagined it to be, a bitter let down to feel bad about for ever more? Even worse, what if she made me vomit?

Slowly I eased myself in, protection in place... hoping it won’t fail. Then it started, the build up, slowly rising and rising to a climax before all that tension was released.

Whoosh!

Swerving around the track banking to the right then down, down, down, that first drop straight into a hard right turn followed by the set piece – the double corkscrew hammering you down into your seat.

It wasn’t a letdown, it was exhilaration. A totally joyous experience that confirmed what I already knew – I was a rollercoaster junkie and The Corkscrew had taken my virginity. My first inversion, my first ride.

Sure, there are older, more revered coasters in the UK – The Big Dipper at Blackpool perhaps being the grandest of dames but there was something special about The Corkscrew. She was my first. Whenever I returned to Alton Towers I always secretly, mentally gave her a nod of respect for that fact. Sure in her later years she didn’t quiet have the kick. You were more likely to come off with a bad neck than a joyous high but we had a connection. The fact that we were both born just a week apart for one thing.

With the news that I’m soon to be a father I also had a secret hope. A desire to share my unborn child’s first coaster ride. A hobby we could share, not now obviously but in ten or so years time. Mentally I’d always hoped that his first ride would be mine – The Corkscrew at Alton but alas it’s not to be for today she dispatched her final ride.

Smeg, I hear you cry, it’s just a ride just a hunk of metal. There will be other coasters. Yes, you’re right of course but to passionate football fans is the old Wembley just an old stadium or a passionate symbol of football dreams? Is that building on the high street that’s all boarded up a rotting pile of bricks and mortar or is it the night club were you once shared your first kiss? Is your first car just a piece of metal on a scrapheap somewhere or a fond memory of your first taste of independence?

To me the Corkscrew is a special symbol of one of my beloved passions and she’ll be much missed.

Quantum Sleep

IfIwritethislongscentencealltogethertryingtogetasenseofexcitementandquickpacethen,tobehonestitjustlookslikeanillegiblemess. You can’t read it can you? You’re not quite sure what I’m getting at or what’s going on. To get a sense of speed & excitement in text you don’t remove the spaces because that’s just confusing.

It’s a shame someone couldn’t explain this to the makers of A Quantum Of Solace. Whenever something exciting happens, rather than let us see it, they cut camera angles in rapid succession, zoom right in really quickly and go into shakey-cam mode. They think they’re making it visually exciting and putting you right into the picture – instead they’re putting up more of a barrier between you and the film because you haven’t got a clue what’s occurring. The first 5 minutes of Quantum feature a high speed car chase. Problem is I haven’t got a clue what actually happened during it because I couldn’t see it clearly. I know Bond’s car door came off but I don’t know how.

Compare that to the first 5 minutes of the original Italian Job which also includes an exciting drive down a very similar tunnel/cliff road. It’s beautifully shot, and with the backing of Matt Monroe you’re really in the film feeling a sense of bliss before the driver dramatically drives to his death into the tunnel. A far superior exciting sequence simply because they let the audience see what’s happening.

Sadly this happens every time Bond gets involved in action in Quantum and boy is it frustrating. How could the makers of a Bond film so near perfect as Casino Royale get it so, so wrong just two years later.

Quantum is just dull, boring and bland. I’d say it actually reminds me tonally of the Timothy Dalton Bond’s but that’s doing Dalton a disservice. He played the brutal side of Bond well without sacrificing his cutting humour. Sadly there’s none of Bond’s humour on display in Quantum. It’s gutting because Daniel Craig is potentially the best Bond ever.

I never expected ‘Casino Royal 2’ to live up to the original, because Casino is simply brilliant – but I also didn’t expect Quantum to be this bad.

Not to worry though, Bond is a master of reinvention. For every Moonraker there’s a From Russia With Love and I hope that Eon will give Bond his big book of cutting jibes back and tell the next director that there is a wide lense in the camera bag. Let Bond have some fun again – don’t be so miserable. It’s not as bad as Die Another Die – just slightly more depressing.

Bats The Way I Like It

A perfect halloween photo. This little fellow was asleep outside the radio studios i work at. Shhhh!

Being A Geek Ain't Easy

In 5 years of spouting my crap on here I'm pretty sure I've said before how annoying it is to be a geek at times. For starters there's the old cliched media view - fat, spotty virgins still living with the parents. (OK, so I'm overweight but hey...)

As if that's not bad enough we have the uber-geeks to contend with. The ones that totally live up to stereotype and give us normal fanboys a bad image. They're the ones that do dress as Vulcans or Borg.

Of course not only am I into Science Fiction but I'm also fascinated by ufology - another group derided by the media as 'nuts'. Once again though we're our own worst enemy as a high contingent of those fascinated by UFO's turn not to science but spiritualism. The answers to flying saucers lie not in the skies but in our minds... sigh. Being a man of science this pisses me off because each time one of these nuts who claim they can speak to General Korg of the Seventh Astral Empire through telepathy goes public then the general perception of ufology is set back by another 5 years or so. (Sort of like how Derek Acorah destroyed any of Most Haunted's credibility.)

Over the past few months the internet has been awash with 14/10/08 mania in ufology circles, thankfully this hasn't reached mainstream otherwise those interested in UFO's, but with a scientific mindset, would have been among the laughing stock... again.

Basically Blossom, an online spiritualist was convinced that a galactic lightship will reveal itself to the world on 14th October 2008 once and for all confirming the existence of UFOs/aliens. Of course it was never going to happen, just like the LHC wasn't going to kill us but it pisses me off that these spiritualists and crazy web-predictors are given any credibility.

I hate censorship but I'm with Tim Berners-Lee on his views when it comes to how the web spreads mis-information. These morons need protecting from themselves.

Want more online paranoia? Try Above Top Secret a forum where 50% of content is pure garbage - though, if you dig deep enough there's some genuinely fascinating & thought provoking content. (I hate slagging ATS of because I'm genuinely a fan, but bear in mind it's where I first discovered the predictions of Blossom then you'll realise some of it is guff of the highest order.)

The Best Big Brother Yet?

Every year I post on this blog how pissed off I am with Big Brother. Why oh why can't they return to the simple style of the first few series. No media wannabies, no bimbos, no freaks, no twists, no turns.

Just 10 INTERESTING people. People that are over 25, people that have actually experienced some real life not just the 'sample' of life that you get until your around 18/19 when your still sheltered by your parents. 

If the Big Brother producers aren't capable of that then why not really go down the twists route. Not the pathetic boring 'we have another house' style twists that they think are amazingly clever. (They're not.) Pretend there's been a huge life changing event outside the house, drip feed the housemates news of bombs or a mass pandemic really fuck with their minds.

For a while I though this would make an excellent book, so right now I'm really pissed off that someone has beaten me to it.... but when I discovered that someone to be Charlie Brooker the hatred ceased and now I just can't wait to see the results.

Big Brother + Zombie apocalypse x Charlie Brooker = awesome, it might just even top Shaun Of The Dead...

Gym Buddies

There's one thing I hate about going to the gym and that's having to train with other men. 80% are fine, they come in use the equipment quietly and move on. If it were all like that it'd be great but there's 20% that let my own gender down.

They come in in the tightest branded sportswear possible and walk in with an air of 'oooooh look at me, I'm Adonis.'

When exercising they grunt and groan loudly as if to say, yes look at me, I'm a god I have muscles and I'm working out baby. Then when they've finished they go down to the changing room and walk around naked as id they're crying 'these are my testicles, deal with it'.  They're the type that did that shit male-bonding wet-towel-whipping-thing with their mates at school.

OK, I'm a fat introvert but I just don't get it. Great that they're fit and so obviously enjoy it but it's just so uncomfortable. Talking to a few female friends from the gym they admit this is why they'd love a women only gym - if it's not for the look-at-me-I'm-amazing types you've also got the letches eyeing them up while they're on the treadmill. Of course being male I don't have to suffer that do I... wrong.

I don't know how, considering I go at random times on random days, but almost every time I go THEY are there. The two lovebirds that never seem to set foot out of the weights room. I'm safe in the CV area but as soon as I go down to try and firm up my man boobs I have to share a room with them and it's so uncomfortable. They both blatantly check me out, which is odd considering I'm red and sweaty - I mean how is that attractive? 

So question is how can I send a non verbal cue that says - 'sorry lads, I'm hetrosexual'. Bear in mind I have a Doctor Who sports bottle and Harry Potter towel this message is made more difficult...

Large Queue Collider

I spent the eve of the end-of-the-world at work, realising that should the apocalypse not occur I'd need breakfast and I was out of bread.

I could have gone to the garage which was on my way home, instead I decided to walk the extra 40 minute round trip to ASDA and back. Of course, this meant I spent considerably more on crap than I would have at BP - after all, raspberry smoothie is essential at midnight.

So I arrived at the checkout to find two tills in operation, both with queues. Alas the latent autistic inside me kicked in and I tried to work out which would be quicker, then a more sensible plan arose. If I stood in the middle of the aisle I could simply join which ever queue frees up first - this would be beneficial to anyone joining behind me too as they would also get to join the fastest moving queue. My genius moment was shattered by a trappy bint behind me.

"Scuse me mate, which queue are you in?"

"Ahh well, you see it doesn't matter does it - whichever comes free first."

I though she'd cotton onto the logic, alas she was probably one of the population that was cowering under her breakfast table at 08.30 this morning because, instead off cool CERN style logic, she went for an end-of-the-world-fearing style rash decision.

"Well I'm going to join this queue 'cos that one nearest you is obviously moving faster."

*sigh* Well, yes she was right. But I'd already spotted the guy in front of me was Polish and yes, I'm about to be racist - but they're like students - they always pay with card... that takes slightly longer. Also what if one of the goods of the lady in front of him had a faulty barcode and the cashier had to type that 200 digit code in? (Seriously, I should be autistic...)

Anyway, I did get to the till first but still it left me wondering why, as a race, we're rarely logical. Then I realised I was turning into Mr Spock and fecked off home...

Real Radio

Every Monday morning I play at being a radio DJ. Yes that bastion of geekdom that is Hospital Radio. If you believe the image then Hospital radio contains 2 types of people.

1. The bitter middle-aged types that aren't quite good enough to be on proper radio.

2. The young ego types who are just using Hospital to break into proper radio.

Tis rubbish of course, Hospital Radio is great fun and yes while we're all geeky I'd argue that most proper radio DJ's have an element of geekdom anyway. (Seriously, most I know are either in to Star Trek, Doctor Who or collect radio jingles and TV themes...)

No, the station I work at contains wonderful people that are passionate about the place and its listeners. They all genuinely want to make the patients stay in the hospital as comfortable as possible and want the station to sound as professional as possible. 

Still, while sitting there at the mixing desk I often wonder how real stations work. Are people as passionate as us or is it all about the money? Thankfully a blog has arrived on the scene that gives amazing insight into the industry and its people and its all centered around what was Virgin 1215. 

It's a long story but Virgin has been recently sold, and proper Virgin, i.e. Branson, doesn't want the Virgin name attached to the new station (odd that, proper Virgin sold Virgin 1215 years ago, why so protective of the name now?!) Anyway this means the new owners have the unenviable task of rebranding an existing station. This is a huge mission - they don't want to alienate existing listeners but at the same time they have a unique opportunity to revitalize and relaunch the station. 

It's exciting for, as I hurtle towards 30 and Radio 1 insists I stop listening to them by generally putting shit personalities on air instead of jocks that actually care about the music & industry I've started to look for a new radio 'home'. Most of the time I listen to BBC 6 Music as alas, every time I tune into Virgin you can guarantee they'll either be playing Chasing Cars, All Summer Long or I Kissed A Girl. Still lately Virgolute is sounding better & better.

They've chosen the name 'Absolute. Radio' which I think's great. But how did they arrive at this? What's the thought process and what's going on at the station in the meantime? Well, this blog, as I said, is an amazing insight into running a radio station and if you're remotely interested I highly recommend it.