Vote Smeg.

With the election looming what would I do if I was leader of a party?

Basically I'd address the balance where it seems to be the chavvy lowlifes that do nothing for the good of the country yet still seem to get all the rewards. To get dole money I would make it compulsory to do community service. Litter picking, cleaning graffiti, repairing vandalism etc. This would, hopefully start to put a stop to the chav society of scrounging of the state. It would also start to clean up Britain’s streets. Chavs would also have to do menial jobs like fruit picking and factory labour to earn their dole - this would mean companies wouldn't have to employ cheap eastern European labour thus easing the immigration 'crisis' we have. People would also be fined for wearing any article of Burberry. 50% more if its a baseball cap and even more if it's fake Burberry. (They’d be arrested if wearing fake bling or caught tucking tracksuit bottoms into white sports socks)

I'd drop education fees - these are people going to uni trying to better themselves, they should be rewarded with tax breaks not years of debt.

To encourage people to be more active I'd subsidise the leisure industry making it cheaper to play sports, visit theme parks etc this would be paid for by adding a tax on fast foods and foods high in fat content. (With the amount of this stuff bought it only would have to be an extra 5p on things.) (This would also help me lose weight and discourage me from eating the crap I currently eat.)

Invest in town centre redevelopment so rather than building thousands more new homes and losing valuable countryside I'd use buildings that are already there but empty and in need of refitting to help ease the housing shortage the UK currently has. These new properties created by converting empty shops and warehouses etc into new flats would be sold off cheaply to first time buyers/young couples helping them onto the ladder. To discourage investors snapping up cheap homes to rent out and also making it harder for first time buyers I would charge 'Investors Duty' - they're gonna be making money out of their property so why not take a bit to help fund this redevelopment scheme.

I’d also make it compulsory that when the BBC signs up promising new talent for certain science fiction shows they would have to be locked in to at least three years, not to quit after one thus spoiling enjoyment for fans….

God help me, I sound like a Daily Mail reader.