Saturday, June 05, 2004

The Bowling Centre Survival Guide.

After 7 years of working in a bowling centre here is how to make sure you have a great time visiting one. Keep the staff happy and they’ll keep you happy!

Do not jokingly ask for a silly shoe size i.e. “Size 19 please.” You are not clever, you are not funny. You are not the first or last to say this. In fact desk staff at a bowling centre hear this remark about 4 times a day. Stop it!

Do not try 4 different size shoes before going back to the first size you tried. You are only wearing the shoes for an hour it really doesn’t matter if they are slightly too big. You are in a bowling centre not Clarks.

They are called LANES ok, LANES – got that? They are not rinks, courts, pitches and definitely not tables!!

No we don’t have any smaller balls. Lighter yes, smaller no.

Don’t bowl at the sweep. It can tear the shock absorbers and cause lots of problems.

It is called a SPARE ok – there is no such thing a ‘half-stike’

If you decide to walk down the lane (despite signs saying otherwise) don’t come crying to us when you slip, hurt yourself and get lane oil on your clothes funnily enough that is exactly why there are signs telling you not to walk down the lane.

On the bowling consoles there are big signs saying ‘sorry we are unable to take drinks orders, please visit the bar for service.’ So don’t come and complain to us that no one has come to you lane when you’ve pressed the ‘d’ button.

The lanes are not uneven – you are just crap.

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