Why?

Why on earth would you want to phone a bowling centre at 10.51pm to book a lane for the following afternoon? What possible idea must you have in your head while most of the public are thinking of a nice mug of coco and a snugly duvet?

Why do you pick up the menu and read it through where it clearly tells you order at the bar before then asking staff where to order?

Why do you ask if you can book 10 people in to bowl ASAP... for April 7th 2008?

Why do you bowl two balls at once down a lane thinking you’re hilarious when actually all you’re doing is damaging the machine?

Why do you put your stinking smelling shoes right in front of my face when you have to walk past a sign telling you to put your shoes at the end of the desk to get to me - at the other end...

Why do you tap a coin for attention on the reception desk when I’m clearly on the phone dealing with another customer?

Why, when you phone to book a lane, do you sound so surprised that we ask you to name a date and then proceed to have a lengthy discussion with your spouse about time and date. Wouldn’t it make more sense to do that beforehand?

We do you think you are a comedy God by asking for size 19 shoes. We’ve now heard that amazingly original witty line roughly 45,876 times in the last ten years. It wasn’t even funny the first time.

Why when were taking food to your table do you ask ‘oh, what about the fries I ordered’ - when I clearly have both hands full with the rest of your order. You then seem amazed that I might possibly be making two trips.

Why, despite our oversized banner proclaiming live football here do you ask if we are screening the match?

Why do you spend about ten minutes trying on three different pairs of shoes that ultimately you’re only going to wear for an hour? This isn’t Clarke’s, does it matter that they are slightly loose or that the stitching on one side has come undone?

Big Sister

For the past few years I’ve bemoaned Big Brother. Series 1 & 2 and to a lesser extent 3 were, for me, fantastic and thoroughly enjoyable. However since 5 onwards the show has been a total freakshow – put in place solely for Big Brother to torment. Not as good fun as the interaction and paranoia of the earlier series where BB tended to let the house mates get on with it without all those annoying ‘twists.’

I loved the race row in Celeb BB. Finally it was the show it was meant to be 7 years ago. Real people, real issues. Sadly the Whitehouse brigade disagreed and Big Brother has had to change to survive. They had two options really. Go back to the early series with a more ‘normal’ cross section of society and just observe or do something totally different.

They’ve done both.

The something totally different is that the house is all female. And while this seems odd look beneath this twist and actually the characters all seem far more grounded. More like the people you’d meet in the street than the caricatures that populated Big Brothers 5,6 and 7.

This has filled me with hope, hope that finally, after 3 years there may be a Big Brother that’s watchable. Of course it won’t last. The producers haven’t the guts to stick to an all female cast. The men will be along sooner than later and, I fear, that’s when I’ll switch off.

What A Coincidence?

Don’t you love ‘em? You know, coincidences. Those little moments in life where universes collide. The stranger on the bus revealing that they share the same birthday or that new employee at work living just a few doors down.

The most common coincidence in my life revolves around doing exactly what I’m doing now – writing. I almost always have the radio on while I’m online or writing and more often than not the DJ will say the same word or phrase exactly as I happen to read/write it on screen. It’s moments like that when you want to have the ‘Twilight Zone’ theme tune to hand.

This morning I did a bit of work for my local radio station. I went in to twiddle some knobs and enable the studio to link to the sister one in the next county. The shows guest was discussing whether the elderly should be forced to retake their driving test. She was a lovely woman, slightly nervous, almost horrified when she realised we’d be live. Not to worry she relaxed into the interview and came across wonderfully. She was sympathetic to the elderly noting that each generation has bad drivers and that we should encourage them to relearn their skills rather than ‘force’ them into tests.

So interview concluded I headed home, across one of the cities major roads only to find a crash just metres from my home. And yes fate fans, it was an elderly driver bumping into a younger driver!

By Royal Appointment

Its not everywork place that gets an unannounced royal visit - so it was quite cool to look out the office window and see the royal train awaiting departure. No sign of any of the family though.

Tuning In

I’ve long been a fan of radio. I can remember sneakily listening to my Crown Walkman, the size of a small family car and covered in Ghostbusters stickers, under my duvet when I should have been asleep. I was captivated by Phil Kennedy on The Superstaion (the nightly national service all local radio used to link up to in the 80s). He had a section where he encouraged listeners to flash their lights to cause surges in the national grid. Before it was bought out by GWR (now Gcap) and went shit I used to listen to Wyvern FM. Ed Douglas, Sammy Southall & Sheldon James used to enthral me.

Then I moved to Radio 1. Largely encouraged by Chris Evans Breakfast show. But now Scott Mills & Chris Moyles are daily listens. Failing that I’ll tune into Radio 2 or talkSPORT. Ian Collins is still a legend.

My radio habits have changed drastically lately. I mainly listen via the BBC’s listen again. Though, despite my broadband I tire of it stalling and occasionally sounding like its being broadcast down a long echoey metal pipe. I have to have music on when I’m working or on the PC. But other than listen again my only option was iTunes or a portable battery powered radio. (The HiFI is downstairs.)

So I’ve finally taken the plunge and today purchased my first DAB radio. For years I’ve dreamed of owning the PURE evoke II. A work of art that many enthusiasts constantly big up. Sadly I couldn’t justify the £120 + on just a radio – Especially when Herefordshire only has around 15 DAB stations.

Today I bought a Tesco own brand radio. £40. Don’t laugh, it’s actually a surprisingly good quality build. Nice and heavy and gorgeous finish. It’s certainly evoking the Evoke. The sound is superb. Slightly lacking in bass but it does have a line out so I could always get some external speakers to cure that. Instantly I’ve fallen in love with 6music. BBC Radio 7’s repeats of 'Dead Ringers' & 'On The Hour' are a must and, of course, I can finally listen to Virgin & Talksport without the old AM hiss.
OK, I haven’t got the ability to record & pause radio like more expensive models – but Listen Again provides that service perfectly. So, about 5 years over due I’m finally all Dabbed up – and couldn’t be happier!

Junk Mail

“Recycle, save paper, turn off your electric and walk to work.” The constant stream of patronising advice coming from the TV screens nationwide all getting us to change our habits and save the world. The problem is I’m really not going to go into full green mode until I see some effort on commerce’s part.

Have you been to town this week? If so have you noticed all the shops with their doors wide open? You know, shops that also have all their heaters on full blast to replace heat lost through those wide open doors. Perhaps you walked through town in the evening and were safely illuminated by all those empty shops with all their lights on? These are both examples of heinous carbon crimes that need sorting out. The worst though is junk mail.

This morning I received a letter telling me I have been approved for a credit card. The same bank sent me the same letter just a fortnight ago. I get, on average, two of these letters from different credit card companies every week and have done for the last decade. Not once have I returned one of these letters agreeing to help rush me into a few thousand pounds worth of debt. They have all been shredded.

I do not own a credit card and most likely never will – they’re evil. So why do I get these letters constantly? Surely they can see that I have never replied why waste time and around 5 sheets of paper per bank asking me? If I really ever do want a credit card then I will happily wander off to the banks I’m already with to look into it.

If the government really wants the public to go green then they should set about curbing these bad examples first.

The Most Random Post In The World Ever!

Beards. Not sure where I stand on them. Possibly one of the most pointless side effects of being male. I hate shaving, I have delicately soft, sensitive skin so it usually results in a mild rash and it’s also an annoying waste of 10 minutes in the morning. That said I’ve never cared to hide behind face fuzz.

“You’re always well shaven – in fact I’ve never seen you with stubble” said a colleague last week at work. Thus the gauntlet was thrown and the beard experiment began. It was starting to look good too but yesterday I felt so rough and ill that I wanted something, no anything that would make me look a little better and thus the beard went. I’m not sure if it suited me. Miss Smeg hated it but still it was the most hairy faced I’ve ever been.

British Gas are a bunch of tossers. Last years they tried to con me out of almost £200 and then threatened to take me to court when I demanded it back. Basically they’d got out house mixed up with one with the same number on a side street up the road. Despite having a different meter number they wouldn’t believe us and it took 6 months and two calls to Energy Watch to sort it out. So, this morning when I read that they’ve had a huge surge in complaints my reaction was simply “haaa ha ha ha haaaa ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah haha ha ha ha….. ha ha ha ha h ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hhahhhaaaa giggle ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha hahaha chortle ha ha h a.”

“haha cough ha ha”

Immature yes. But joyous.

Finally one of my all time favourite games is out on the Wii Virtual Console today. After the bitter disappointment that was Starfox on the DS, the classic N64 game LylatWars is finally re-released. This is what I’ve been waiting for so excuse me while I bugger off an download it. Marvellous!

WTF Is Going On?

Seriously, I’ve had enough. In the space of 2 & half months I’m now onto my forth cold. Today has been spent coughing and spluttering around. Tonight my nose is leakier than Thames Water’s pipes.

Perhaps I’m being punished for the fact that previously I’d only had one cold in over 18months (but O did have a lovely stomach bug in October, I doubt you really want to know about that… still I got to know the bathroom quite intimately.) but now I feel I’ve served my time. Once again my nose is red raw and I can’t sleep for longer than an hour without waking to a coughing fit. It’s also seriously hampering my great beard experiment.

Still there’s good news. Merlin have released a second volume of Doctor Who stickers and I get to spend a second summer re-living my childhood. Start practicing… with sincerity… “No, they’re not for me, my nephew… he’s mad on Doctor Who….*ahem*”

Who Put That There?

I have never understood the mentality of people wanting to know what happens in a TV show before watching them. Plotlines of soaps revealed weeks in advance. Winners of Millionaire or Deal Or No Deal announced a week before the transmission of the episode. Surely it detracts from the drama and tension the shows are meant to create – especially with the quiz format? Thankfully though spoilers are something I usually only associate with the tabloids trying to spur sales with lazy journalism of what’s happening in TV land rather than the real world – I certainly don’t expect it from the Radio Times.

This morning then, I was dismayed at the Radio Times’ cover, which featured a thwacking great big spoiler, surely their remit is to encourage people to watch shows – not spoil the surprises within them?

I Feel Good, Knew That I Would

This post is purely for me, make that future me. You see for the last few weeks I’ve been putting off going to the gym. Even when I had the whole day off I found excuses. Painting the spare room or heading to Cribbs Causeway for retail therapy – anything to avoid pounding the treadmill. Today I caved in and went. To double the benefits I even cycled over.

So I post this now to remind myself how good I’m actually feeling about it. The rush after completing the workout and, even better, the post work out shower. So future smeg_head, I’m talking to you, NO excuses next week!

Coughs & Sneezes

Remember when you were young? Remember when you had a cold? Perhaps it’s those demon rose-tinted goggles haunting me again but I’m sure I was only ever ill for a day or two with a cold. Mum would send me off to school with an Olbas Oil soaked hanky and a bundle of tissue and that would be that. Of course I did have the most unsympathetic mum for being ill – she’s a qualified nurse you see. Only if I had a terminal case could I ever get the day off. Still after one day of sniffles I’d be right as rain.

Not these days oh no. Colds now seem to last me over a month. The bugger I have at the moment first surfaced 7 weeks ago. It turned into a bed-rattling cough only to disperse after a week. Then, 4 weeks ago it returned and went through the same motions. The constant running nose became a horrible retch-inducing cough which lasted a week then went again.

Now here we are again, on Friday my nose started running again. Today it’s sore from constant wiping and blowing and the first signs of the cough have begun to show. Apart from buying shares in Beechams I know not what to do. I don’t want to bother the Doctor with what is just a cold but if the cough mutates once again like it did the last two times then Wednesday & Thursday nights are going to be largely sleepless.

Victory

We just won a pub quiz! Bar Wars' reputation is safe!

27

• Twenty-seven is a perfect cube, being 33 = 3 × 3 × 3.
• There are exactly 27 straight lines on a cubic surface.
• 27 is also a decagonal number
• The 27th moon of Jupiter is Sinope
• There are a total of 27 books in the New Testament
• The age in years at which many famous rock musicians died, sometimes referred to as the 27 Club. Occasionally, this is termed the "ideal" age to die, and the concept has inspired a brand of clothing, DeadAt27
• A number which American parodist "Weird Al" Yankovic hides somewhere in many of his songs and videos
• The code for international direct-dial phone calls to South Africa
• The number of letters in the Spanish alphabet
• The current number of Amendments to the United States Constitution
  

And at around 22.27 tonight, it’ll be my age…

3rd Bloggiversary

It’s my 3rd Bloggiversary today. I usually get all introverted on this occasion and this year I will be no different. On my 1st Bloggiversary I noted that I had made 100 posts.

Today, marks my 302nd post. Talk about maintaining a perfect statistic. Still it confirms what I feared 2 years ago – that only roughly 1/3 of my life generates anything worth blogging. Initially this sounds utterly depressing. Then I realised something. I spend on average 5 days a week at work. 5x52 = 260. 365-260=105. I only get 105 days off. Give or take the odd day off that I waste being really lazy and not doing a sodding thing… or the days off when I’m doing mundane things like house cleaning and actually 100 posts isn’t so bad after all. It’s roughly a post for every day off, i.e. when I have the free time to think about something to write.

Of course it isn’t the truth. I often write my blog while at work, but it eases my thoughts a little…

Anyway I need a New Blog Year resolution. I have decided I want my forth year to be a little more positive. Less rants more interest. Perhaps take a leaf out of Geezer’s book and see what lies under my nose to talk about. Nuggets of Hereford that need bringing to the online world.

That, however, will have to wait a few days. See you then!

Saturday Night View

Most Saturday nights this is my view for at least six hours straight. Some weeks it can bring sheer joy - others total stress. This week wasnt bad considering it was an 18th - 7 out of 10.

So Much For FREEview

A few weeks ago Sky announced plans to remove Sky 3, Sky News & Sky Sports News from the Freeview platform. They said that the channels would be replaced by a premium subscription service meaning Digital Terrestrial users would be able to view prime content from Sky Movies, Sky One & Premiership Football for a fee. To take advantage of this service Freeview box owners would also have to scrap their existing box for a new one capable of decoding the encrypted channels.

While I acknowledge that ‘Freeview’ is actually only part of the DTT service I feel strongly that Ofcom should prevent this happening. I’ve never wanted Sky. I already pay a licence fee, I don’t want to pay additional money for my TV which is why I love Freeview so much.

“So what’s the big deal smeg?” I hear you cry, “Just don’t subscribe.” Of course that’s the simple solution and of course I won’t be upgrading my box or subscribing. It’s what it stands for I don’t like. I don’t use Sky News or Sky Sports News in the first place, but I like that they’re there. If Sky go ahead with this Freeview users will lose 3 channels. If I wanted a Sky service I would subscribe to Sky, why should they remove 3 channels of Freeview?

Also think of the older viewers that are already confused enough by the digital switchover. This is just going to add another layer of fuss to the change for analogue to digital.

There is a petition to stop this on the Number 10 website but given the government's reaction to the road tax petition I doubt it’ll make any difference.

P.S. My 300th post!

Bugger

So much for the resistance. I’ve been forced over to new Blogger by the powers that be. OK so I can now add photos direct from my mobile but now if I want to make a single change to my template I will lose all my previous changes and have to start from scratch.

Cheers Blogger.

Rudebox Paradox

Rudebox has been slated by the general media. I feel this negativity has come purely on the back of the actual single ‘Rudebox’ which certainly wasn’t Robbie at his best. The press have used this to totally rip into the whole album. The truth however is that it’s actually a damn fine effort. Look at Love Light, A cracking tune. A cover, yes, but Robbie’s performance could be easily compared to George Michael. Then there is the stunning current single ‘She’s Madonna’. Not only the best track on Rudebox but one of Robbie’s best singles full stop.

It’s not all Rudebox has to offer. The album sags slightly mid-way with ‘Keep On’, ‘The Actor’ & ‘Never Touch That Switch’. Not that the tracks are essentially bad but placed together they’re just a tad samey. ‘Good Doctor’ is a stand out track in that it’s so different. It’s Rudebox in style but so much better - and very relevant.

‘Bongo Bong’ is fantastic because it’s just so damn catchy. Then there’s the truly haunting ‘Burslem Normals’. Beautiful. Dreamy music and breathy vocals, it stopped me dead the first time I heard the album.

Kiss Me is blinding – especially when, you have the opportunity to play it on a night club sound system. Cracking bass and I far prefer it to Stephen Duffy’s original version.

There’s the two part song/story ‘The 80s’ & ‘The 90s’. I dunno. These are the two that have just never hooked me. I prefer the 90s by miles but I suppose that’s because I’ve never been convinced by Robbie The Rapper as featured on ‘The 80s’.

Summertime ends the album with an average ballad… oh and then there’s the bonus track. Which I can’t say anything about other than I just can’t stand it.

Rudebox is a more testing album than any Robbie Williams has ever released, but it is no where near the disaster that popular opinion claims it to be. It’s just different. Yes I said that about Intensive Care but this album takes the experimentation to another level. And hey it’s a good thing. Robbie could just keep releasing similar sounding songs and get surefire number ones every time.

Look at Oasis. Good band yes, but have they actually ever done anything new or experimented with their sound at all? Nope. Essentially their latest singles could have been Oasis material from 10 years ago. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing – just a boring one. Oasis claim they’re the greatest band in the world but I’d argue they’re in the same league as Status Quo – a band surviving off the same riffs and chords all the time.

Queen & Beatles, for better or for worse were both groups that changed their sound. I can’t stand like the man but even Justin Timberlake is trying out new things and I respect him for that. Robbie’s Rudebox is worth listening too just for the fact that he’s trying something new. He’s in a place where he can afford to experiment and try different stuff. He’s got nothing to prove, he’s already done that with his back catalogue.

So to those of you who argue that pop music is boring go and buy Rudebox. Cast off any preconceptions and enjoy and album that amazes, (She’s Madonna, Lovelight, Burslem Normals) annoys (Rudebox & Dickhead) and entertains. (Bongo Bong & Kiss Me.)

"It’s 4 Minutes To The Top Of The Hour"

Cheesy radio DJ’s. Don’t you love ‘em? One new commercial radio station in Oxford doesn’t and is promising to be DJ free when it launches.

Jack FM is based on a US format where radio stations simply put their digital music library out onto the airwaves in ‘random’ but without the use of any DJs. (It’s no big deal, a lot of UK stations have been using automated output overnight for years.) Jack FM feel that people are turning off commercial radio because they’re sick of DJ’s dumb links and prefer the randomness of an MP3 player instead.

They couldn’t be more wrong. Content is the key. If I wanted to listen to random music output I can simply put my iPod on – better yet I know my iPod has no jingles spoiling the intros and no advertising every 20 minutes.

I tune into radio to be informed and entertained and for that I need a good personality hosting the show.

The reason I don’t listen to commercial radio is because of its very nature… the commercial side of it. I’ve written before how I feel that the big national station owners like Gcap & Emap have killed true local radio. It all just seems too sanitized, bland and safe. From my local commercial station I expect local personalities, local news, views and even local music. They just don’t offer enough it. This is why people don’t tune in.

I tune into Radio to hear the DJs. Chris Moyles, Scott Mills, Ian Collins, James Whale, Steve Wright, Jeremy Vine, Mark Radcliffe, Mark Riley. All fantastic entertainers in their own way and often when listening to them I actually get annoyed that they have to play music as most of their links are brilliant.

Jack FM say their target audience are the people that love to listen to their iPod on shuffle. Dumbest strategy ever… those people are just going to carry on doing exactly that. After all you are in total control over the music on your Mp3. You know you’re going to like it all. What’s the point in listening to a station where every now and then a song comes up you can’t stand when you’ve got 5000 tracks you love at your fingertips.

You want to get listeners. Search out and use the talent that is out there. Be different, edgy, pioneering. Above all - entertain.

Odd

I got stopped in the street by a kind looking, slightly bearded young woman this afternoon. I anticipated she was going to ask for directions and, as she wasn’t wearing a fluorescent tabard and lacked a clipboard, I popped my earphones out and acknowledged her.

“Hi, I just wondered if I could ask you. Do you believe in God?” She smiled at me.

What business is it of hers? Religion and faith is a powerful and personal thing. Who, or what I believe in should be of no concern to anyone else and it’s precisely these sorts of people that cause a lot of problems.

Have faith, celebrate your religion but you shouldn’t give flying toss about what anyone else believes in. I decided to just walk on and ignore her. To this minute I don’t know why she asked that, or what she expected but oddly she didn’t seem to stop anyone else in the street.

I do seem to attract weirdoes. Minutes later in Vision Express helping Miss Smeg choose a new pair of frames I watched a man talking to himself. Not the occasional muttering under your breath that most of us absent-mindedly do now and then but a full blown, loud monologue.

“Hmm, mens, ladies, designer. Wow, designer… ohhh. Pricey. I think I will stick with simple frame. Ooooh good grief.” He exclaimed.

“The public are weird.” Miss Smeg muttered.

I couldn’t agree more.

Frustration

So I’ve got a nice shiny new mobile phone. One of it’s spanky new features is that it has a 3 megapixle camera with a built in link to Blogger - you can take a picture and within seconds post it to your blog with text and all.

I tried it out this morning, a picture of my funky new Nintendo T-Shirt. Then came online to ‘claim’ my mobile blog and link it to this one. The problem is that Blogger won’t let me. Why? This blog is on ‘old Blogger’. The mobile blog will only let me sign up in Google Blogger.

I don’t want to upgrade my blog. I like its clunky old interface and I fear change.

So for now, because Google has changed from being the cool and fresh search engine to an evil corporate whore like Yahoo, this blog will not be featuring my pretty mobile camera pics.

Of course, we all know that the Google SS will soon round up us old school bloggers and tell us to like it or lump it. But I’m not going down without a fight… or, at the least, a few more posts…

The big n

Its weird how nintendo are suddenly cool again

Snowday

This was my view as I woke up this morning.


As I pulled back my curtains my heart skipped with excitement. The world looked pure and beautiful, covered with glistening white stuff. I love snow and I love that feeling of awe that rushes over you when you first open the curtains.

Then there was the tinge of disappointment. I’m the last of my friends to still have my ‘Saturday job’. I’m the only person with the morning off. Even though I’m 26 the prospect of sledging and snowman building was still fantastic. The last big snow day was 12 years ago. I spent all of it with my best friend at the time doing all those snow related activities you can think off. I wanted to do it again but even my usual suspect now has a ‘proper’ 9-5 job.

So what can I do? I can’t snowball fight with myself. I’ve decided I’m going to leave for work early this afternoon and take a scenic route. Take some nice photos of snowy Herefordshire and prey that work’s quiet enough to close early for some snowball action.

Failing that, I might just write my name in it.

The Single Showgirl

So Kylie’s now single. Well I knew it would happen. The moment I realised I was in the same room as her I knew it was a matter of time before she’d come to her senses and ditch Oliver for the fine specimen of man that stood before her.

Of course, I’m completely ignoring that fact that there were a few thousand other people in that same room too.

One of the great things about seeing a band live is that feeling that for those few hours you’re experiencing something that only a few thousand will ever see. Your own gig with the band. The things they say, heck even some of what they sing will only ever be heard by the ears of those attending that particular concert.

Sadly with Kylie you knew that everything she said and did was totally scripted and rehearsed. Still, put this observation aside and Kylie: Showgirl Homecoming was one of the most amazing sound & light shows I will ever see. The delicious costumes, the fantastic songs, stunning dance routines and sublime light show.

In the last 10 minutes Kylie finally let down her guard, finished her script and talked to us. She picked out people from the audience and chatted to them, poked fun at a few and even entered into an impromptu song with sister Danni. It’s a shame that she didn’t do this more throughout the 2 hours as her great personality completely shined through and gave hints as to how intimate the concert could have been.

Amazing concert, amazing lady and a fantastic night out.

Lylat Bores

I've been waiting 10 years for this game.

After Starwing & Lylatwars on the SNES & N64 I wanted more Fox McCloud. The gamecube came and went and offered 2 very poor insults to the Starfox legacy.

Then the big N teased me with screenshots and video of Starfox Command. I was excited again. I finally got my hands on a copy and...

...it's crap. Why are Nintendo so hesitent to give us a good LylatWars followup? They're obsessed with changing the format. If I wanted a strategic fighter I'd buy Advanced Wars.

No I want the blisteringly fast and furious shoot-em-up fun the original 2 offered. Instead we've got this stylus controlled mess.

Imagine if Nintento tinkered with the controls of Mario Kart this much? There'd be outrage! So why the constant different formats to Starfox?!

Oh well, at least I can use it for a trade in for Wario Ware Smooth moves I suppose.

You'll Have A Gay Old Time

Last week the media, and public, were obsessed with tales of discrimination in the Big Brother house. Anyone & everyone tried forming an opinion on this non-story which to me was nothing more that typical female bitchiness. No offence female readers but get a few girls together for a couple of hours and bitchiness usually follows. (Miss Smeg was the first to agree!)

This week there comes a genuinely serious form of discrimination but it seems the public aren’t as eager to discuss it.

The Catholic Church is telling the government that they will refuse to place orphaned children into gay homes because it is against their religion. This is making my head implode. As much as I respect people that should have the right to believe this is surely a sign that religion is totally outdated.

Not content with being largely responsible for the aids crisis in Africa the Catholic Church will now be actively preventing under-privileged children from finding loving homes. Let’s face it there are a lot of gay couples out there that could probably offer a much more stable and caring home life than some straight couples.

My girlfriend is a Catholic but she’s utterly disgusted by her own religion’s views, hence the reason she stopped being an active follower of the faith some time ago.

The Catholic Church should be celebrating the fact that, in these times of rising divorce rates, there are two humans that are so in love and devoted to one another that they want to share that love with a child by offering them a stable home.

It seems that Church are more worried that the gay couple will corrupt the child and make them grow up a homosexual too – total rubbish. There’s only one unwanted doctrine that’s being forced here… it’s not the gay one.

Pump Up The Volume

Would you go into a club, bar or pub and demand they change the volume of their music? I wouldn’t.

As a manager in the leisure industry I often visit other ‘venues’ and notice things that others wouldn’t. I’m fascinated by quirks of the industry. Orders that have come form above that have to be obeyed. Orders in place to control a venues atmosphere ensuring customers have a similar experience on return visits and the continuity of a venues image is maintained. (I’m also on the look out for good ideas we can pinch…)

One such policy is the music volume. You visit Wetherspoons knowing there will be no music. You go to a Lloyds anticipating louder, livelier music. In Hereford the same applies. The Litten Tree & JDs offer a high-volume pre-club experience and you accept that.

At my venue we’re strictly aimed at the family. Our customers range from 8 to 80 and we are most certainly not a ‘pre-club’ venue. Thus the music policy is that it’s loud enough to hear and entertain but quiet enough to enjoy a meal and audible conversation.

Last night one man disagreed. He asked for the music to be turned up. I refused, apologised, but told him it’s at our ‘set level.’ The normal person would accept that this must be company policy and get over it. Unfortunately this man was a moron and for the next 2 hours asked at least a further 3 times. At one point he told me I was speaking bullshit. (Bullshit? He thinks he knows more about the venue I’ve been working at for 10 years than I do, that makes sense…) It resulted in him wishing to lodge a formal complaint.

It really does leave me questioning the mentality Why did this bloke feel that he was far more important that anyone else in the venue?

Of course, when he left I did get a perverse satisfaction out of increasing the volume… just a touch…

Pop Princess

It’s 1990, I’m only 10 but I know I hate her. Her dumb squeaky clean, irritating pop tunes. God Kylie is awful. Give me Queen any day.

It’s 1996, I’m 16 and a fan of TV sitcom Men Behaving Badly. I just can’t understand their obsession with Kylie Minogue. Gary keeps going on about how perfect she is. Why? She’s a washed up ex pop star dating a washed up rock star and trying to sound cool with awful indie style songs. Give me Dodgy any day.

It’s 2000. I’m at work. There’s a fantastic tune on the radio. A song that I know will go down a storm if I can get hold of it for my next DJ gig. Come on Mr Radio DJ tell me what it is… oh Spinning Around. Who’s it by? Kylie… what?!

And that’s where it began. My love affair with the Australian Princess of Pop. Each song getting better and better. I thought Spinning Around was great, On A Night Like This even better, Please Stay fantastic then came Can’t Get You Out Of My head and I’m hooked. Tunes that rock my world when I’m Djing and tunes I can’t stop listening to when I’m at home. Oh and those golden hot pants… sigh. When did she suddenly become so gorgeous?

Over the following years I listen more to her back catalogue and although I still cringe at her early Hi-NRG late 80s stuff I’ve grown to love her mid to late 90s Indie-lite stuff especially ‘Impossible Princess’

So my love affair culminated in 2003 when I got her autograph. I though that was the most fanboy I would ever get. Until Xmas Day… Miss Smeg had a surprise for me. Tickets to go and see Kylie live. I’ll fill you in after the gig next week…

Eye Eye

I will stop watching Big Brother on Friday.

The last 3 BB’s I have found completely unwatchable. Last year I vowed never to tune in again but the curiosity of the live launch show drew me in again.

The problem I have is with the meddling. The first 4 BB’s were great but because the forth was classed by the media as ‘The Boring One’ the producers had a knee-jerk reaction – Big Brother must never be boring again. They got evil. Throwing spanners in the works at every turn. Problem is it’s damaging the very essence of the show. It is no longer 10 strangers in a house, what happens? It’s 10 strangers in a house what can WE do to them?

Rather than letting it naturally flow and the groups bond and divide the producers try to twist events and, for me it’s totally irritating. The secret graden, the secret house etc. Re introducing Nicky last year was the final straw for me – totally against the shows ethos.

Last night I saw a promising range of contestants enter the house. They weren’t the hopeless media wannabees of the usual BB instead they were people I actually found interesting. But then Davina proudly announced that Friday would be interesting because the Big Brother family will be going in… once again the producers meddling.

They need to be careful. For many people last year the bubble burst. This series could be make or break.

One Word Reviews

As normal there were a number of TV shows (or ‘events’ as media PR types now prefer to call them) that were highly anticipated by the viewing public and me over the festive season. Rather than waffle on about them here’s my one word reviews.

Doctor Who ‘The Runaway Bride’: Enjoyable
Doctor Who: A Musical Tribute: Excellent
Torchwood Finale: Awful
This Life +10: Boring
Challenge Anneka: Disappointing
The Sarah Jane Adventures: Great
Little Britain Abroad: Amusing
Doc Martin: Pleasant

And that’s about it really. Nothing stood out making me want to scream how great it was. In fact most was a let down, especially This Life which I loved back in ye day.

My highlight over the festive period was actually watching ‘Scrooged’, the 1988 Bill Murray film and the mid-way cliffhanger of Battlestar Galactica’s third season.

2007 will be the year that broadband TV on demand will really develop in leaps and bounds so I fear the tradition of the big BBC Xmas day sitcom is now over. RIP Xmas telly.

Whoops

I am perhaps the only DJ in the land that completely forgot the most important ingredient to New Year’s Eve.

At 11.59pm and 30 seconds there I was belting out Pussycat Dolls to a half full dance floor when my brain suddenly screamed.

“The countdown!!!!”

Bugger. I scrambled to get the radio I’d wired into my mixer earlier on at the right gain just as Big Ben’s chimes started. The dance floor looked confused as the ‘dung’ sounded atop the bass line of ‘Don’t Cha’

I ignored them racing to cue up ‘Auld Lang’ as they all realised it was midnight. Screams of joy and party poppers firing as I managed to hit play. Thankfully my version of Auld Lang has Big Ben at the start so it blended perfectly with Radio 4’s live Big Ben.

If anything it worked better. NYE is always an anti-climax so forgetting the countdown and plunging straight in with the chimes seemed to get everyone into a genuine frenzy rather than the normal halfhearted cheer.

My first track of 2007? Donna Summer: I Feel Love. It’s long intro also blending nicely and filling the dance floor more than Auld Lang.

Happy New Year gang!

Quotable Advent Calendar 25

"Merry Christmas everyone!"

- smeg_head, British blogger.

Quotable Advent Calendar 24

"But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come
round... as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only
time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one
consent to open their shut-up hearts freely."

- Charles Dickens, British author

Quotable Advent Calendar 21

“A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.”

- Mitch Hedberg, American comedian

Quotable Advent Calendar 18

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a
department store, and he asked for my autograph.”

- Shirley Temple, child actress

Quotable Advent Calendar 17

“Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to
worship Jesus Christ.”

- Bart Simpson, 10-year-old ‘child’.

Quotable Advent Calendar 16

"Roses are reddishViolets are bluishIf it weren't for ChristmasWe'd all be
Jewish."

- Benny Hill, UK Comedian

Quotable Advent Calendar 15

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for
it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their
kids pay for it.

- Richard Lamm, American Politician

Quotable Advent Calendar 14

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they
are all 30 feet tall.

- Larry Wilde

Quotable Advent Calendar 13

My first copies of Treasure Island and Huckleberry Finn still have some
blue-spruce needles scattered in the pages. They smell of Christmas still.

- Charlton Heston, American actor.

Quotable Advent Calendar 12

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and
goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

- Calvin Coolidge, US President (1923 – 1929)

Quotable Advent Calendar 11

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving
others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

- Bob Hope, comedian & entertainer

Quotable Advent Calendar 10

“Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never
fattening, never sinful, and permanently personal.”

- Lenore Hershey, Journalist

Quotable Advent Calendar 9

“Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.”

- Charles Schulz, Cartoonist

Quotable Advent Calendar 8

“Wii sounds like we, which emphasises this console is for everyone.”

- Nintendo Press Release

Wii Came, Wii Saw, Wii Conquered

It’s possibly the earliest I’ve been awake all year. Just before 7am this morning I left the house to trudge, bleary eyed, to Game. I arrived to find I was officially the third Wii owner of the day.

After a bit of faffing around with synching the Wii-motes up I finally launched into Wii Sports and I wasn’t disappointed. The control is brilliant and just as sensitive & responsive as it’s been hyped to be. Yes it does take a bit of getting used to but all games are playable in minutes and after half an hour you start to master the quirks of the controller. The addition of a speaker into the remote really adds to the experience with sounds of the games whooshing from your hands to your TV.

I’m officially hooked. The baseball is tricky but 10-pin I already have down to an art. I admit I’m slightly disappointed with the content of Wii Play (apart from the cool Tanks game) but it’s worth it for the second controller. I’ve already designed a Mii (though can’t quite get the hair right) and I’m now resisting the urge to download Mario 64.

Gaming is fun again!

Dec 7th | Quotable Advent Calendar 7

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on
a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”

- Albert Einstein, Physicist

Here Wii Go

It’s weird but I thought my Gamecube would be the last console I would ever buy. I didn’t find the games a compelling as my N64 or Megadrive and ultimately decided perhaps I’d finally grown up. Then around 12 months ago I heard about the ‘Nintendo Revolution’. I knew gaming was still a passionate interest of mine. The DS had rekindled the flame and games such as Mario Kart and Wario Ware had got me playing daily once more.

There’s something about the Wii though that has really got me excited. It’s games that finally you can actually physically play. Even Miss Smeg has mild excitement about the new console.

PS3 looks amazing and undoubtedly it will be. But does it really offer anything new other than refined graphics and faster processing?

Wii is the first step to truly realising virtual reality without having to use those ugly bulky headsets of the 90s. It’s still years away but with Nintendo finally realising a fully interactive control device, gaming is exciting once more.

Of course there is a problem. I haven’t actually seen a Wii yet let alone touched one so it could all end in bitter disappointment. I mean surely it can’t be as interactive as it makes out? It’s not going to be the fluid response the adverts are making out is it?

I’ll let you know in 24 hours…

Quotable Advent Calendar 6

“I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about
human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely
destructive. We've created life in our own image.”

- Stephen Hawkings, Physicist

Quotable Advent Calendar 5

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying,
toys not included.

- Bernard Manning, British comedian

Quotable Advent Calendar 4

“The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim
back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual. Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The
difficult bit was getting out of the sack.”

- John Cleese, British comedian

Quotable Advent Calendar 3

“One of the unsung freedoms that go with a free press is the freedom not to read
it.”

- Ferdinand Mount, British journalist

Quotable Advent Calendar 2

“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it
permanent.”

- Marilyn vos Savant, American columnist

First Night

Last night was my first Xmas gig of 2006. I restrained from playing Xmas tunes and instead belted out all the cheesy party classics that I’ll be sick of by the 23rd. It was an odd night, a small crowd. It started off shakily as no one seemed enthusiastic. It may be December 1st but Xmas still seems far off despite the twinkling of the fairy lights enveloping the room.

I was also plagued by faulty CD players. For most of the night I was managing on an iPod and one CD player which was a bit stressful. I didn’t really care about me looking shit when the CD stopped playing halfway through a song, at heart I knew it was the equipment not me but I was concerned that it was spoiling the enjoyment of the party goers.

Thankfully a pissed game of music chairs lifted everyone’s spirits and it was back on with the music.

Tonight I will hopefully have a brand new CD deck and, ready for the quiz on Sunday a brand new mixer – which should save me lugging the heavy existing one up and down stairs probably the cause of said faulty CDs!

Xmas night 1: 7/10

Quotable Advent Calendar 1

“The new classes are, in ascending order, the morons, the yuppies and the stars.
The first watch TV, the second make TV programmes, the third appear on
them.”

- Roger Scruton, British philosopher

Quiz TV

The government is planning to clamp down on the TV Quiz Channels. I must say I’m glad. After 10pm they clog up Freeview relentlessly, which is frustrating as upon returning from work after that time at night I’d quite enjoy watching some intelligent programming instead of morons calling in dumb answers to air headed presenters.

The government have argued that these TV channels are ripping off the UK public. Charging at least 60p per call which isn’t even guaranteed to connect. You have a 1-7000 chance of actually winning on these shows.

If you’re foolish enough to call these programmes then you deserve losing your money. One man complained he’d spent £300 calling shows like ‘The Mint’ and ‘Quizcall’. My feeling was simply ‘And?’ The channels do actually clearly state the rules and the costs at all time – that’s why I’ve never called in! No one forced this gentleman and others like him to take part, he’s only got himself to blame. Still though, the government want to clamp down on this ‘rip off’.

Odd though, that no one mentions the government’s own Quiz… the one that costs at least £1 a go (40% more expensive that the quiz channels) and the odds of winning are 14million-1. You’re far less likely to win at Lotto than you are at Quizmania yet for some reason that’s deemed perfectly acceptable…

Farewell Pop Picker

Just 2 years after we lost John Peel another radio legend has passed away.

R.I.P. Alan 'Fluff' Freeman.

James Blond

For years, while cashing up, I used to talk with my boss about how James Bond should be. We moaned that Brosnan’s films were getting cheesier & cheesier and while the media compared him to Connary we preferred to compare him to Moore. We used to bemoan Eon Productions fear of stripping Bond back to the cunning, lone wolf portrayed in the books. The closest they’d got so far was Dalton’s version. Die Another Day was a total, total sham. A film that could have been any action adventure character and totally betrayed the cunning and intelligence that Bond should have.

Last night I finally saw the Bond film I’ve been wanting to see for years. Not since From Russia With Love has a Bond film felt totally realistic and gritty. Bond was dangerous once again. What did it for me was the Parkour chase through the construction site. The villain athletically leaps through a small hole – Bond just charges through the wall. A perfect portrait of how Bond should be, an unstoppable blunt instrument. This new Bond no longer relies on gadgets and defeats villains through sheer force – not luck as Brosnan’s Bond seemed to.

Bond tends to go through cycles. Every now and then Bond is stripped back to basics with each successive film adding a layer of silliness until you get the likes of Diamonds Are Forever, Moonraker & Die Another Day. Hopefully Eon will resist that and keep Bond basic.

Daniel Craig is brilliant as Bond. He’s genuinely dangerous but can also act, a talent some 007s have lacked.

So I’d rate Casino Royale as one of the best ever 007 films. They still could have bought some black hair dye though…

• Everything you ever needed to know about Bond here

The Real Thing

It’s a well-known fact that the modern day Santa was invented by Coca Cola. In fact, so well known is this fact that I’ve heard it mentioned a few times in the last week as we draw closer towards Xmas – and it infuriates me. Why? Because it’s a total urban myth.

The Santa Claus figure, although not yet standardized, was ubiquitous by the late 19th century. Santa was portrayed as both large and small; he was usually round but sometimes of normal or slight build; and he dressed in furs or cloth suits of red, blue, green, or purple. A Boston printer named Louis Prang introduced the English custom of Christmas cards to America, and in 1885 he issued a card featuring a red-suited Santa. The chubby Santa with a red suit (like an "overweight superhero") began to replace the fur-dressed image and the multicoloured Santas.

It wasn’t until the 1930s that Coca Cola started to feature Santa on their packaging. Long after Prang’s 1885 version had started to cement its image into the American consciousness. Still you can’t deny that they helped to push the modern Santa Claus to the mass market but they certainly didn’t event him.

One thing that is true though. It’s not officially Christmas until you’ve seen the Coca Cola trucks ‘Holidays Are Coming’ advert.

Feeling Groovy

You know there’s nothing quite like live music. It’s been ages since I last saw a band perform live. I’m mildly embarrassed to note that, as far as I can recall, the last person I saw live was Chesney Hawkes at a university ball in 2002. He spent half an hour singing random songs including a dreadful cover of American Pie. At every lull in the concert, and when he could clearly hear it being shouted, various people screamed things like ‘this is all shit, just sing THE fucking song. Because of course there’s only one thing he’ll ever be remembered for… his One And Only thing in fact.

Anyway this evening I travelled down to Bristol Academy to see The Feeling live. The Feeling are the first band to really capture my imagination since Dodgy some 10 years ago. I wasn’t disappointed. The Feeling were stunning. Warm up band ‘Luke Toms’ were best described as ‘bland’ (That said, they sound much better through their website than they did live) and didn’t even have the decency to say hello when they came on stage. (Yes I know that's not important musically but you should make an effort to engage potential new fans!)

Not to worry though, The Feeling awed from song one. They genuinely seemed overwhelmed by the enthusiasm of the audience as they belted out a series of songs that already seem anthems – despite the world not knowing them less than 12 months ago.

A truly stunning version of Buggles ‘Video Killed The Radio Star’ was one of their set pieces that deserves a release. Rose was tenderly performed and, perhaps, has now lodged in my mind as one of my favourite ever tracks. Sewn got the whole audience joining in and the finale – a thumping rendition of current single ‘I Love It When You Call’ was performed with some amazing gusto. Dan Gillespie Sells, lead singer, lept about the stage with an abundance of energy and performed some stonking guitar solos.

The only problem now is that I really I want to see them again…

Borat

One of my favourite documentary series ever was Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends. In it Louis spent time travelling America and searching out some of the weirdest groups and societies to discover what made them tick. Where Louis was a genius was that he was very laid back – almost nerdy. He’d bumble around and often come across as slightly apologetic for encroaching on his subjects time.

But, in this method was pure genius. After a time with Louis, the subject would totally relax and end up becoming far more revealing than they ever would under normal TV reporting conditions. Louis was a master at this and would then start subtly asking the clever questions. He famously got a strict Neo-Nazi to admit to loving ‘Are You Being Served’.

What resulted was a fascinating tour around America and some of the darker aspects of its culture.

With this in mind, I was looking forward to Borat. The trailers made the concept look very similar to Louis Theroux. Borat is a bumbling fool around whom his subjects can relax thinking they’re not going to get grilled. Obviously there are differences. Louis Theroux seemed genuinely affectionate about his subjects whereas Borat is just there to take the piss.

In the film, where Borat uses these techniques there is pure genius at play. We get some amazing insights into American life. There’s the hideous Rodeo man who demands that Borat should shave his moustache off so he doesn’t get mistaken for a ‘dirty Muslim.’ The part with the grotesque college student who admits that most women don’t have his respect and there’s the chilling sequence set in a evangelical church where people seem to be being visibly brainwashed.

Sadly these moments of genius occur a lot less often than the hype would have you believe. The majority of the film is a heavily scripted tale about Borat’s desire to marry Pamela Anderson. Much of this material resorts to cheap throwaway gags and toilet humour. Don’t get me wrong I like toilet humour but when it’s churned out alongside such cleverly funny stuff as the ‘genuine’ moments in the film it really grates, and sadly, utterly disappoints.

It really is the small things.

It’s true. Small things bring the simplest pleasures. No this isn’t me reassuring myself about any inadequacies but rather noting how tiny things really can make you smile.

Case in point; it’s now almost 7 years since I started hosting and writing my pub quiz. January will mark the third anniversary of it being at its current location. Anyway every week I spend quite a few hours writing and researching it, double checking it and then religiously spend every Sunday reading it out to the contestants.

Almost every week, without fail, various teams will put doodles or comments on their answer sheets and yes it may be pathetic but do you know, I find them to be some of the most amusing and joyous things. Simple comments like ‘love the quiz’ or ‘really enjoyed it this week’ mean a lot. The doodles of flowers, people, houses, sometimes insulting doodles of me make me laugh out loud. I love ‘em. I get paid well to do the quiz every week but bizarrely it’s this simple interaction between the regulars that’s worth more and also what, even after 7 years, makes hosting Bar Wars every week such a nice experience.

When Is Too Soon?

As a nation we are obsessed with starting things early?

I am pleased, however, that retailers do, seem to have shown some refrain with Yuletide stock this year. Back in 2005 I remember being flabbergasted at the sight of Advent Calendars in shops on the August Bank holiday*. This year it’s only in the last week that I have noticed the steady approach of tinsel and glitter spread down the local shopping aisles like the evil red weed in War Of The Worlds.

But one thing is annoying me more than early Xmas stock and that’s early poppies. On October 30th I was amazed by the site of BBC Newsreaders wearing poppies.

Why has it suddenly become the norm to wear them so early? Can’t we celebrate Halloween and Guy Fawkes night before worrying about purchasing our red paper flowers?

Also don’t you think it lessens the impact of Remembrance Day? It is important to remind everyone of how lives have been lost for our freedom but isn’t it better to do that with the impact of one big day on 11/11 than a slow trickle from the end of October onwards? Surely it diminishes the effect to a point where because they’ve been worn every day for a fortnight or so we stop noticing them.

If this is going to be the norm then let’s pause while I put my Red Nose on ready for Red Nose Day… next March, pop my Valentine’s card in the post and stock up on the Jif Lemon juice and pancake batter. After all I’m obviously too late to buy Xmas Cards or ‘Happy 2007’ banners.

*Ok, ok. I’ll admit, yes I have already bought my Advent Calendar (Doctor Who one if you must know) thus pretty much contradicting this whole post. But hey, I work in Leisure. December is my busiest month – I need to get ahead…

Oddest Question Ever?

I’ve worked in customer service/leisure on and off for almost ten years. Still though the customers surprise me. One customer booked a party with me today. It cost a fair bit too and we ask for payment upfront.

“Hmmm, I’m very hesitant about paying first.” She said.

“No worries madam, should you change your mind you’ve got until 48 hours before your event to cancel with a guarantee of a refund.” I reassured her.

“Oh no, it’s not that. It’s just what happens if you go bankrupt in that time?”

I thought she was joking but she had the most serious expression. I suppose bigger companies have gone tits up in less time but her booking was only 3 weeks away. The centre was, as she could see absolutely heaving and we’ve just invested a fair amount of money in our new Adventure Golf Attraction. Without wishing to tempt fate I reassured her that there was very little chance of that happening since we’ve been open for 10 years and this week was one of our busiest weeks on record.

Has to be said though, customers are fricking weird sometimes.

Anyway. Got my best par today on the above mentioned golf. Only 42. The course par is 38 so I’m almost there!

Growing Pains

I have a theory. One I formulated whilst Djing this evening. It was a 15th birthday party and initially I was looking forward to it. Hopefully it would be unpredictable, some different music and fun – 160 people on the guest list too so I was looking forward to a good atmosphere.

I didn’t get it. Actually I’m wrong. There were some lovely people there, the birthday girls especially, and there were 30-40 who pretty much stayed on the dance floor. What I saw in the rest of the people depressed me.

You’d imagine 100+ teens in a room would be chaos and fun. Instead it was shallow and boring. It was like the pages of Heat magazine before my eyes. All looks no content. I genuinely feel this is a worrying bi-product of societies current obsession with celebrity. We had a huge group of 15-17 year olds whom, rather than get dancing and have a laugh all sat there trying to look good. Girls had hot pants up round their arses boys had shirt, tie & waistcoat combos and a few of them with trilbies too. It was as if there were 65 Paris Hilton and 65 Justin Timberlake clones in the room. No personality just shallowness and self-obsessedness.

They blatantly didn’t want to have fun because they were worried that being seen on a dance floor smiling would destroy their ‘image.’

How sad that more and more the fun of youth seems to be being chipped away.

Mind you, I envied the one lad who was getting a lot of attention off a very leggy blonde. Lucky bastard – at 15 the only blonde I seemed to spend any time with was Princess Toadstool.

Harkness & Darkness

So last night was a big night for UK science fiction fans or geeks like me. The launch of Torchwood – the spin off of Doctor Who from the same BBC Wales production team.

Has to be said yes, I enjoyed it but it didn’t pull me in quite like Doctor Who did.

The main problem is the barrier between Torchwood & the viewer. In ‘Rose’, episode one of Doctor Who there’s a positive feeling. The Doctor invites, and wants, Rose (i.e. you the viewer) on his journey – the adventure of a lifetime. There’s a sense of wonder that continues into the amazing visuals of episode 2.

In Torchwood Captain Jack initially doesn’t want Eve on the adventure. So much so he gives her a memory-wiping drug. Hardly an invitation for the viewer. The other problem is it’s a story that’s been done before. Episode one of Torchwood was basically a scaled down and darker version of Men In Black. While episode two covers ground done many times by other SF shows – the alien that needs sex to live.

Torchwood will also draw comparison to Deep Space Nine. The Doctor uses his TARDIS to travel to adventure. Torchwood is routed in Cardiff and as such the adventure has to come to them. Deep Space Nine solved this by having a wonderful array of supporting characters. They were all beautifully constructed and fleshed out. They all had story arcs and over the seven years truly developed and all had personal journeys – even ones with little screen time like Rom and Morn.

So far Torchwood’s supporting cast consists of nothing but regulars who all seem slightly 2D.

It is, however, only episode two and it shows infinitely more promise that the dreary Robin Hood.

[spooked]

Roughly 2 years ago I posted how excited I was about the start of a new series of Spooks. I haven’t written much about it since though feel inclined to now. You see that last post was at the start of season three. Season three turned out to be a little disappointing. Something was lacking and, of course the show had to deal with all 3 main characters departing in the space of 8 episodes. A huge upheaval Kudos: the show’s production company and, no doubt, the audience.

Lesser shows wouldn’t have coped and no doubt would have disappeared off of out screens. Thankfully Spooks is a daring show and although season 3 was wobbly and season 4 not quite pulling all the punches the current series on BBC 1 & 3 is showcasing some of the best British drama I have ever seen.

Adam’s character has matured wonderfully to a point where I prefer him over Tom. Zaf gives excellent support and Ros makes a brilliant new girl in that I’m still unsure of trusting her.

It’s a show that thrives on grey storylines rather than the black and white of some programmes. The heroes actually make some pretty dodgy decisions at times which even questions your morals as a viewer.

It’s good to hear that the BBC has already commissioned a sixth series of Spooks. I just hope that BBC Wales can produce TV to a similar standard as Kudos – otherwise tomorrow nights Torchwood may be a disappointment.

Why-Fi?

Although I like my gadgets Wi-Fi was something that had largely passed me by. My Nintendo DS changed all this, the though of battling people all over the world was too tantalizing to resist. So I went on the Wi-Fi site and tracked down my local hotspots. Amazingly there were five and one literally was my local.

So to the pub I went – a nice cool glass of cider and a nice quiet spot. Sadly despite searching from a number of locations in the pub I found no hotspot. No worries I finished the pint and travelled to the next listed location – another pub. Again disappointment.

So eventually I headed to Starbucks, Latte in hand and connection in sight… but low and behold it wasn’t compatible. I gave up for a while until one day in the local Wetherspoons. It wasn’t listed on the Nintendo Wi-Fi site but out o boredom I tried – and connected. I was of course right royally thrashed.

Anyway I now have my own Wi-Fi dongle and have been battling the world for about a week. In that short time there’s one thing that bothers me. Although it’s great fun there is a distinct lack of good sports. The minute someone comes fourth, 9 times out of ten they disconnect which rather spoils the game. If I come fourth I don’t care – I’ll stay to the bitter end determined to make up for it in the next round.

Shame really another chip at my faith in humanity still, just you wait ‘til Starfox Command comes out. Oh I will have my revenge…

Why I Hated R.E.

I have no religious beliefs. But that isn’t why I loathed my weekly dose of religious education. You see although I don’t ‘believe’ religion its history does fascinate me. Sadly though my opportunity to learn about religion at school was wasted all because of crap RE teachers. The two main teachers at secondary school were both passionately Christian and many of their lessons were nothing more than thinly veiled attempts to convert us.

The problem is most of the students played on it. At the start of the lesson we’d be told which passage of the bible we’d be learning about. One smart arse would then pipe up, ‘But Mrs P I don’t believe in this rubbish why should I have to learn it?’ This would then lead to an hour of Mrs P getting all self righteous and pretty much accusing us all of being devil worshippers while she told us how mighty Christianity was and how if we didn’t believe we’d all melt or something.

Thinking back though her teaching style was awful. She had an opportunity to teach us about the many faiths of the world perhaps leading to us each finding one that really spoke to us. All religions have a fascinating history. Much of it bloody but interesting none the less. We could have learnt more about the Koran, the Buddhist way of live. Why do the Amish chose to live their lifestyle? What is a Mormon? So much to learn but no instead she was ignorant to any religion but her own – the same ignorance that is causing the troubles in the world today.

Robin Good?

So I finally got around to watching the BBC’s new flagship drama. I wasn’t that bothered by the hype as apart from the ultimate version – the Disney version – Robin Hood has never interested me.

20 minutes in and I was despairing. The acting was extremely amateur and the editing very sloppy. Why, in this post Matrix world, do all action shots have to be in slow motion and jump cut to various different angles? So clichéd. Also another thing that bothered me was how clean middle-aged England was. No spots or sores. A lot of men perfectly clean shaven and all the women in immaculate make up.

Also, I have to be blunt but am the only person that thinks the supposedly beautiful Marion is actually, well, a bit ugly?

Anyway I watched the rest and admit when the story gets to Nottingham thing do perk up. Lily Allen’s Dan TM isn’t the great actor the hype had him be but he definitely is the scene-stealer, chewing the scenery like the best pantomime villain.

So though I’m not overly impressed – I’ll give it a 6 – I will watch the next few as it’s infinitely more watchable than the two Geordie tossers on ITV.

There’s something that did hugely impress me on BBC 1 on Saturday. The new idents are fantastic. Love the music and love the visuals and so glad the hideously overly PC dancers are gone!

Top 10 George W. Bush Moments (Letterman)

Great moments from the world leader. *sigh*. It's just a shame that ITV4 doesn't treat the Letterman Show with a bit more respect so that I can actually watch more of this at decent times.

Lately Letterman has been shifted all over the late night schedules. Oh there’s plenty of time for cheap, crap quiz shows throughout the network but the US’s premiere chat show – don’t be daft it’s best screened somewhere between the hours of 11pm and 4am, not in a regular slot of course, you wouldn’t want anyone to get into the habit of watching it would you?

For fucks sake ITV sort it out and put it on at a decent regular time. Failing that hand it to more4. They treat the Daily Show with respect, I’m sure they’d handle Letterman better too.

You Will Die Painfully...

What is it with the media’s current obsession with scaring us?

It all stems from 9/11. For months after that the papers & current affairs TV shows were filled with items on how terrorists would kill us all and destroy our lives. Slowly, as 9/11 faded from the news new scare stories emerged.

We’ll all be killed in 2012 by an asteroid strike apparently. That’s as long as SARS doesn’t kill us all. It didn’t though did it? Just over 813 people died in the 2002/3 SARS outbreak. 3000 people die daily from Malaria – that puts things in perspective.

(SARS has since been declared wiped out by the World Health Organisation – only the second disease ever to be given this status, the first being smallpox.)

Luckily just as the Media was running out of scare stories 7/7 came along and gave terror pundits another month long frenzy.

2006 has seen things get worse.

It all started with the dreaded H5N1 – Bird Flu to you and me. If the papers were anything to go by 2006 would be the year that the population of the UK was decimated. So far it hasn’t been – but of course the new flu season is just dawning. I have no doubt that there will be another feathered flu frenzy in the coming months.

Summer 2006 saw the papers striking fear into potential fliers once more. Apparently there was a threat to all UK/US flights and as such you weren’t even allowed to take a can of coke onboard. (What were the terrorist going to do – pump you with dangerously high sugar levels?!)

Lately it’s the Earth its self that’s going to kill and drown us. Global warming has been everywhere.
I’m all for doing my bit – I’m a keen recycler and I think we should passionately care for the environment though I do have one problem with global warming. No one can 100% say it actually exists. Mother Earth is very powerful, how do we know it’s not just part of a natural cycle – the Earth coming out of an ice age?
Don’t overfill your kettle they say, it uses the most energy in the house to boil it. So what happens when you accidentally put too much water in? Do you pour the excess away wasting precious water or do you save water but boil the kettle wasting precious fossil fuels? Gah such dilemmas!

Give it 10 years I really do think we’ll be a nation of paranoids. The minute someone coughs they’ll be put down for fear of spreading flu. Billions will be poured into anti-asteroid missile programmes and terrorists will live on every street corner – probably next to the paedophiles that live everywhere according to the tabloids.

It seems that fear must sell papers – otherwise all these stories wouldn’t be so sensationalised. It’s just if I want scary stuff I’d rather rent out ‘Saw’ or ‘The Hills Have Eyes’. It’s time the news did what it’s supposed to and just give us the facts without the hyperbole.

Ugly Hereford 2 | The Cattle Market

I remember Wednesdays throughout half term when I was at primary school. My mum often used to take me to Hereford Cattle Market. Every Wednesday farmers from the surrounding country bring their livestock for sale. In my youth you were permitted to wander freely amongst the animals patting the piggies and avoiding the patting from the cows.

A few years ago while babysitting I decided to relive my youth and take a colleague’s daughter to see the barnyard animals. What I found was akin to a fortress. Post 2001 foot & mouth fears ensured that all gates were locked and guarded while you couldn’t get within 100m of any livestock.

The cattle market has never quite recovered from foot & mouth. Nowhere near as many animals seem to reside in the pens on Wednesday mornings.

But is it time to move on? Now the cattle market is a scruffy blot on the town centre landscape. Aging, unappealing buildings and peeling paint greet any tourists travelling into the city from the A49 or ring road. Smashed windows, graffiti and cracked concrete not to mention the foreboding air the market takes on at night.

The problem with most Herefordian’s is that they are stuck in the past. They think moving this ugly utility to the outskirts of the town would betray the city’s market town history. If anything I’d say the opposite. By building brand new market facilities we’d be celebrating that history and renewing it while freeing up a considerable amount of land in the centre of Hereford for prime retail, leisure and parking thus ensuring the city has a future.

It’s because of these people living in the 20th century that we’re losing those that should be taking Hereford into the 21st. Most of my friends have moved away from the city labelling it dull, jobless and lacking entertainment. This isn’t something unique to my friends. All most all 20somethings voice desires to head to Cardiff, Cheltenham, Birmingham or London. Away from Hereford.

The market currently symbolises that old school V youth struggle perfectly and it’s what happens to it that ultimately will decide what direction Hereford’s development will take…

Space...

It was on this day, 40 years ago, that man first boldly went where many more would eventually go.

On September 8th 1966 Captain Kirk recorded his first ever Captain’s Log, and did battle with his first alien – the salt vampire on planet M-113. Star Trek means a lot to me, the show has been diluted over the years thanks to it’s many sequel series, some great – some weak; but the original is still as glorious today as it was in 1966.

It was the first time SF had really been treated intelligently by television. It embraced topical stories and commented on society of the time by transposing the issues to the future. The Klingons were the Russians, constantly breathing down the Federations throat in an inter-stellar cold war.

Star Trek also embraced multi-culture by showing humans not only getting along with alien races – but more importantly, getting along with each other. It’s a shame that the message Star Trek carries hasn’t been embraced in real life. 40 years later we’re still fighting, still squabbling, if anything worse so than in 1966.

The show was also one of the first television shows to really enter the public consciousness. Transporters, phasers, warp drives, Vulcans, Romulans and communicators have all become part of pop culture lingo in a way that only Doctor Who’s TARDIS and Star Wars’ light sabres can rival.

In 2008 Star Trek will return to cinemas in a brand new adventure featuring a brand new Captain Kirk. I for one can’t wait to return to that original crew and original Enterprise – no A’s, no B’s and definitely no bloody D’s.

So to the Shat, Nimoy, Nichols, Koenig, Takei, Barret, the late and much loved Kelley & Doohan not to mention the great bird himself Gene – happy birthday. Thanks for the adventure let’s hope it’s really just beginning.

Ugly Hereford | High Town

On February 7th Herefordshire council announced it would be transforming Hereford High Town with a total face lift. This followed the successful refurbishment of Eign Gate. I’ve written about Eign Gate’s refurbishment before. It genuinely made the area look much, much better and more stylish but the cramped conditions throughout the re-paving 12 months ago led to many small businesses closing down.

I’m still weary of going into town centre. It is an assault course through Hereford now thanks to all the safety fences lining the works and caterpillar trucks weaving through the crowds. Now though they’re at the half-way phase. 50% of the works have been revealed to the public and I can excitingly tell you that the new look Hereford High Town is…

… a stinking pile of shit. It looks awful. The new stonework is a terrible light grey colour that just doesn’t seem to gel with the area like the reddish paving of old. In places the old paving remains albeit relayed in order to make the new surface look arty. It doesn’t, it looks scruffy. There are about 7 different styles of paving within 100ft and it looks an utter mish-mashing, clashing mess.

The new paving also seems to be tarnishing very quickly. It’s been in use barely a month and already there are stains a plenty. The worst aspect of the works is that there are no kerbs where a main road runs through the centre of town. So in peak times when this road is in use I’m concerned that the less visually able might well stumble into the path of an oncoming double-decker bus not realising where the pavement ends.

It seems that the designers just haven’t considered Hereford’s image. Why couldn’t a stylish brickwork be used throughout the whole of the town centre like Eign Gate where it really works? Why the half-dozen different styles? Why hasn’t the site of the old Market Hall been marked like the old paving respectfully used to? Also, why, if the scheme was about removing the ‘clutter’ is there now more crap filling up the centre of town in the shape of an unneeded coffee bar and juice bar when Hereford has had 5 new coffee houses opening in the last 2 years?

Hereford councillors you should be ashamed of yourselves. High Town is now ugly. But it’s not the only part of Hereford that’s suffering these days… I will reveal more soon.

Low

I hate September.

It all started in 1999. I went to university where I had some of the best times of my life.

It’s the first three months that really stick in my memory. A real whirlwind of madness, new friends, fun, laughter – lots of laughter, late nights and booze.

It’s because of this that I get quite upset this time of year. In fact I get positively jealous of all the freshers starting Uni and about to have some of the best experiences ever.

Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t swap what I have now for the world but the chance to relive those three months would be awesome. It would however have to be those exact three months. I get so nostalgic thinking back to that time.

The Halls – or ‘Villa’ as it was known, the kitchen, everything being yellow, Freshers ball, the costume hunting for the 70s night. Stupidly long bus rides, playing cricket with mugs, remote control cars, Halloween 1999, Blair Witch, moving the contents of the kitchen – including the fridges into various people’s rooms – and their rooms into the kitchen. There was the rugby initiation ritual that left one friend so wrecked we mounted an all night vigil to ensure he stayed alive. We had the banned union jack and the thieving of that flag by the villa opposite. I guess you had to be there but every day really did create memories.

The people were most important though.

Mark, Amy, Anna, Brizzle, Matt, Ruth, Sarah ‘Face’, Nicki, Will, Sarah 2, Cashy, Lise, Ed, Shandyboy, Cath, Tim & Lee

But herein lies one reason why I get mildly down. We never said goodbye properly.

Why? Because as the first term ended I did something very stupid. I hurt one of those people above. Not physically, just verbally – which was probably more painful. I was young & misguided and though after Xmas the group still socialised it was never quite the same. What comes around goes around and a year later a different one of the above hurt me.

Things changed and mid 2nd year I began hanging round with a completely different set of people:

Ian, Susie, Taffy, Rob, Justine, Ash, Chris, Matt, Cat, Rachel, Ed, Andy, Mars, Cath, Sarah M, Sarah 2 & Will.

You were all amazing and once again created many, many happy memories. The Bristol march, stealing a table from Bristol with Suzie, The Price Is Right, Bar Wars, all the Djing and Ents stuff, getting pissed and going one-on-one in the Sports Bar London, The Xmas Balls, the frog & fiddle nights, Djing at Cheltenham Film Studios, power cuts, late night shopping, the donut machine, pizza hut @ Xmas, the Frog – final night year 2 (the best night out ever!)

But somehow none of these are as vivid as those first three months.

So to the person I hurt, if you ever miraculously come across this blog, you know who you are, I’m truly sorry. To the person who hurt me, Bar Wars was never the same again. It’s a shame – it could have been so much more, as Bar Wars 2 is proving, but you’re forgiven say hi sometime.

To all you lucky gits about to start university, I’m so, so envious. Treasure it.

Smoke Without Fire?

I doubt many of you know this but Tom & Jerry is my favourite cartoon. I absolutely love it and have all the 'shorts' on DVD. In my book it even outclasses the Simpsons (though not by much!).
For some years they've been subject to brutal editing and censorship that has largely gone unnoticed by the masses. Basically much of it revolved around 'Mammy Two Shoes', Tom's owner. In the 40s classics she was depicted as black and slightly lacking in the brain department. (Her speech was often incorrect and her spelling totally wrong etc.) In the 60s execs realised this could be offensive and had Chuck Jones re-animate many of her appearances so that she looked white and even her speech was re-dubbed & re-edited.

Also edited out were any occasion that something exploded in Tom or Jerry's faces leaving them 'blacked up' like a minstrel.

Now they're going one further and having any instance where smoking is 'glamourised' within a T&J cartoon edited out.

While I can sympathise with the reasons behind these cuts I do lament them. T&J are legendry. Especially the early Fred Quimby stuff. Most viewers have the intelligence to realise what is considered racist or un-PC now was, at the time, acceptable. If you’re viewing them in context as period animation there's nothing unacceptable whatsoever. Where does it end? Will health & safety freaks want every time Tom's whacked over the head with a frying pan edited out?

The more I think about it the more dumb this is. My favourite ever film is Ghostbusters. It features prominent smoking and I watched it hundreds of times as a kid. Same goes for Thunderbirds which often shows Lady P smoking. I have only ever had one puff of a cigarette and that was only to wind someone up.

Just shows how influential smoking in films & TV is…

Fearlessness

When I was young I often used to go on cycle rides with my best mate D. They were great days out away from Mama & Papa Smeg. Off we’d ride into the countryside and discover many exciting places and hidey-holes; the forgotten Hereford to Gloucester canal, old barns, disused railway sidings and even an overgrown adventure playground.

There was one house which we never had the guts to explore, a true ‘haunted house’ if I ever saw one. Disused, with no power. It stood greying and fading at the end of a gloomy tree enclosed lane. Moth-eaten curtains would flutter out of the smashed windows and strange noises would be heard from the trees surrounding it.

Every week we’d pull up on our bikes daring each other to inch that little bit closer. A summer or two went by until we’d finally summoned up the courage to reach the front door. It was truly creepy. Through the window we could glimpse old décor – possibly not touched since the 20s. We felt it could have been an old farmhouse from when the whole area was farmland.

We’d been far too brave that week so cycled home to safety watching Knightmare and Fun House.

The next week was a different story, we were nearing the end of the summer holidays and our bike rides would soon be postponed to bad weather and schoolwork. We’d reached the front door but could we gather the courage to step inside?

I’ll always remember that day as long as I live. Upon arriving at the house the air seemed to go colder. I was nervous, feeling this was a truly bad idea but ‘D’ egged me on. We pulled the torch out of my rucksack (it was a birthday present back in March, I was secretly quite excited to use it for something other than reading The Beano under the bedclothes at night) and gripped the handle of the main door.

It swung open with a creak straight out of a Hollywood B-movie. We both stepped inside and our senses were instantly overpowered with that musty mouldy smell of old, damp buildings. The wallpaper was peeling away and many of the fixtures were smashed or broken. As we took more steps inwards the daylight faded behind the heavy living room curtains. We flashed the torch around noting an old fireplace, some bedding and modern magazines strewn around the floor. We were too young and innocent to think of druggies or squatters using the house so wondered if it was perhaps a tramp bedding down at night.

That was when we heard a clunking from deeper in the house – movement! Shining the torch over to D I could see he was nervous but he nodded that we should investigate. As we came out of the living room we noticed a door to the left that I swear wasn’t there before. Unlike the other, grander doors in the house it had a more temporary feel to it. It also had a bolt at the top.

“Probably to keep us out” D laughed.
“Or to keep something in?” I replied. I’d meant it as a joke but realising what I said scared my self. What if there was something locked inside? Should we open it?

To cut a story short we did and were confronted with rickety wooden steps down into darkness. Shining the torch into the gloom I could see the cold stone floor of a cellar. A rat, startled by the light scampered off into the dark. I took a few steps downwards and jumped as I heard that clunking again. I couldn’t pin where it was coming from but didn’t want to seem a wuss in front of D.

The cellar was stark, cold, damp. We could see our breath glistening in the torchlight which was starting to flicker – the battery running down. As we reached the back wall of the cellar we were rather unnerved to find two sets of rusty chains drilled into the wall.

“What the hell are those for?” I mumbled as the cellar door slammed shut. We froze. Too scared to turnaround for the fear of what we might discover. There was movement again, and that ominous feeling of someone in the room with us. Indeed now there was shuffling, barely audible over the thumping of my heart – we were way out of our depth.

My torch flickered again, as it did so I noticed another light source from above – it was very feint but it was daylight. As the shuffling grew closer I felt my temporary paralysis ease. Nudging D I inched closer to the light source. As my eyes grew more accustomed to the darkness I could make out a hatch – a hatch that led to freedom.

“Go!” I stammered.

D being more athletic than me leaped up. He made contact with the rotting wood of the hatch and somehow managed to push up and out of it. I saw his legs slide up into freedom and daylight. I reached forward and began to pull myself up, the fresh external air clearing my senses fro the dank below. Just as I thought I would make it something gripped my leg tight. Looking back I could see a hand strong, but pale. It had a vice like grip. Peering into the gloom I could make out a pair of eyes glistening. They were human, but filled with evil intent. I screamed out to D for help put the man with the demon eyes began tugging hard, pulling my leg – just like I’ve been pulling yours for the last five minutes….

Worth The Weight?

I apologise but from today you be charged to read this blog depending on the size of your screen resolution. I will be emailing a handy size guide to all readers to let you know the new charges.

I’m not doing for any real reason other than to rip you off and, perhaps, cash in on the growth of Ebay. If you’d like to complain please contact Royal Mail.

Nikki's Interview BB7 Final

While BB 7 was the last Big Brother I'll watch (I really feel it Jumped The Shark this year - too much producer interferrence...) the whole series was worth it just to see this clip.
Finally the dumb self obsessed bint got her just desserts. Hopefully we'll never hear from her again.

Cornwall | The Bridge On Wool

Our annual visits to Cornwall are centred around one town. Wadebridge. Wadbridge is the sort of town that makes my hometown of Hereford look like a sprawling metropolis. I have to be honest I could never live in Wadebridge, I’d get bored far too easily. Also, one problem I have with the town is that it’s an expensive place. Unlike most towns Wadebridge has yet to fall victim to High Street Cloning. Apart from it’s large Co-op & Lidl all of the shops are independent. Also there’s only one of each. One electronics shop, one bookshop (if you don’t cant the second hand bookshops) etc. While it means that as a whole the town has a lot of charm it also means there is no competition and thus the retailers don’t need to worry about attracting customers with discounts. Books are expensive, as are DVDs, clothes and electronics. Perhaps there’s something to be said for towns succumbing to the likes of Woolworths, WH Smith, Game and Starbucks.

Spending a week in Wadebridge is nice. The cinema is fantastic – making Hereford’s look pathetic. The sound quality is far superior there are actually two screens (despite a local population being a quarter of the size) and the seats are extremely comfy.

Wadebridge is also famous for its two bridges.

A footbridge called ‘Challenge Bridge’ links the Egloshayle playing fields to the Jubilee fields on the other side of the river. The bridge was constructed by Anneka Rice on "Challenge Anneka". The scary thing is upon cycling past this bridge I could clearly remember the show. Instant childhood memories and a day spent whistling the Challenge Anneka theme.

On a more serious note is the original bridge – “The Bridge On Wool”

No one is actually sure if this means that the bridge is actually physically built on sacks of wool as a foundation. What is much more likely is that the bridge was built on the profits of the wool trade. However when the bridge was extended in 1963 some wool was found in one of the core samples taken. The bridge was to become a strategic position in the English Civil War as in 1646 Oliver Cromwell himself came with 500 Dragoons and 1000 horsemen to take the bridge.

I’d recommend a day or two in the town, just wear something florecent as we noticed that the locals do seem to have a bizzare habit of walking into you, or just generally ignoring you.

Cornwall | Shifting Sands

It’s weird how we humans sometimes just don’t notice things. I’ve now been visiting the Camel Estuary area of Cornwall for the last three years – it’s been the annual holiday destination of my girlfriend since she was young.

Part of the holiday routine is for my girlfriend’s parents to play golf almost daily on the St Enodoc Golf course. Although I have little interest in golf I do admire the stunning scenery in which the course is set. This year as we walked towards the 10th tee I noticed something I have missed on the previous two years visits. There’s a church slap bang in the middle of the course.

OK, that’s not amazing really – but it’s what the ‘mum-in-law’ said that in intrigued me.

“Oh yes, that’s St Enodoc church. It used to buried under the sand.”

What?! Was this part of North Cornwall once ruled by the pharaohs?

Anyway it turns out that in the 18th and 19th century the church fell into disrepair and became almost buried in the sand dunes surrounding it. At that time services were performed once a year only, and the clergyman had to gain entrance through a skylight, made especially for that task.

The building was renovated in 1853 - 1864 The vicar, the Rev. Hart Smith was responsible for restoring the chapel. Prior to restoration, the sands were up to the eastern gable, the building was wet, the pews were covered in mould and worm eaten, bats lived in the belfry.

St Enodoc Church has another claim to fame. It is where John Betjeman, the former poet laureate is buried. Betjeman died in Trebetherick on 19 May, 1984.

So there you go, a small church but a lot of history.

The Saviour Of Fistral Beach?

So I’m back from Cornwall. I have lots to write about. Quaint harbour towns, scruffy surfing towns, bridges made from wool and my 2nd favourite UK attraction. My first post vacation blog however, was going to be a rant. You see on Saturday I made the 20 mile trip to Fistral Beach, Newquay to see one of my favourite icons.

Chris Moyles has been a part of my regular day since he first took on the Radio 1 afternoon show in 1998. As a keen hospital radio DJ I admire his knowledge of the industry and the way he broadcasts. As I rarely miss a show I was immensely chuffed to learn he’d be live in Newquay when I was so close. I wasn’t naïve, I knew I wouldn’t get to personally meet him but I had visions of at least being able to see him and hear him. I got neither. The live broadcast was done from a private restaurant – Fistral Blu. (Very nice Noodles in there!) While punters had accesses to downstairs only VIPs could get past the heavies on the stairs to where Moyles was actually broadcasting from.



We got right up close to the building, we could even see the mixing desk and a blurry shadow of Moyles through the window but unless you had a Walkman you couldn’t hear the show. So much for ‘joining Moyles live on the beach’ the week-long advertising blitz had promised.

We left barely 15 mins into the show when we realised that we’d been conned. Today though, Aled Jones one of the producers at Radio 1 (whom we did see!) released this statement.

I've started to see some of the comments coming in talking about the way the
show was done on Saturday. To anyone who wasn't there, we did the show (as
planned) inside a restaurant which meant the beach weren't able to hear us and
we've had some comments from the people waiting outside that they were
disappointed that they couldn't hear the show. If you were there on Saturday and
wanted to hear the show - I'd like to apologise on behalf of the show. This is
what happened. Like you, we assumed we would be able to put some speakers
outside the restaurant so that if you were on the beach you'd hear the show.
When we got there the organisers asked us not to do this saying it would
conflict with the tannoy system they were using as a way of communicating with
the surfers taking part in the competition. We had SUCH a good time in Newquay
that we would love to go back some day. If we do, we'll definitely co-ordinate
things better with the organisers so that the beach will be able to hear the
show next time.

It makes a refreshing change to have an open apology. Obviously there were a lot of disappointed fans. Still it was worth it to see some great surfboarding (even though the waves were tiny) and to be able to picture the scene Moyles sets when I finally got to hear the show…